Time: An AJ Story

2002-11-13T18:52:00.000-05:00

When AJ checked on Ciara an hour later, she was asleep on the loveseat under the window while Dan was asleep in the bed. He chose to let her sleep so that he wouldn’t disturb Dan and went back to rejoin Jarod and the twins in the living room.

The funeral was a few days later. Kevin, Brian, Nick, and Howie flew in to support Tara, her family, and AJ. Afterwards, AJ would join the guys for rehearsals for the tour as Nick had been cleared to go on the road, just not be so active with the shows like he had been.

Ciara had decided to stick close to home for the boys for a few days and promised AJ she would join him and the guys within the week. He made her promise to get some rest and spend time with her brothers and to call him any time of the day or night.

The guys had been on the road for nearly a week when Ciara made the late night call to AJ.

“Alex?” Ciara asked into the phone when someone answered on the other end.

“No… it’s Nick… he’s sleeping. Ciara, you okay? I can wake him.” Nick answered and offered.

“Um, no, that’s all right. I just needed to hear a familiar voice.” Ciara was a little disappointed. She really missed AJ.

“Will I do?” Nick asked.

“Um, Nick, you’re sweet, but I know you’re tired. Just tell Alex I called?” Ciara didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t want to cry to Nick about how much she missed her mom and how much she missed Alex and Rachel and the guys. She wanted normalcy again and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever have it in her life now that her memory was back.

“When are you joining us?” Nick asked.

“This coming weekend. I’m waiting until Susie and Jarod are back from the city. I made them take a few days to themselves.” Ciara admitted.

“We can’t wait to see you. We all miss you. Especially Alex.” Nick admitted.

“Watch over him for me, Nicky. Let him know I called and that I love him, will ya?” Ciara asked.

“I will. You take care and we’ll see you in a few days.” Nick said.

Ciara felt better in just that few minutes with Nick. She really had only wanted to talk with Alex, but just making small talk with Nick helped her mood tremendously.

“Hey gorgeous!” Alex said as Ciara was ushered into a secured airport waiting room. The moment she heard his voice her whole facial expression changed from a somber one to an excited one.

“Alex!!!” she cried out and ran to him. “I thought they weren’t letting you come to meet me.” She said as he swung her around.

“They knew better. I couldn’t not be here to meet your plane angel eyes. I’ve missed you.” AJ replied as he put her down.

“I’ve missed you too. The phone calls just aren’t enough.” Ciara explained.

“Let’s get your bags and get to the venue. Everyone’s been waiting for you to get here too, but I’m happy just to have you in the same time zone with me now.” AJ kissed the back of her hand as they walked amidst the bodyguards.

“No offense to the rest of the guys, but the only one that I want to see, that I came to see is you. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve missed them too... but... they’re not you.” Ciara said only loud enough for AJ and herself to here.

“I promise that after the concert you’ll have me all to yourself. Can you hold out for a few more hours?”

“I’ll try.”

A few minutes later they were on their way to the venue. AJ managed to convince the guys to let him and Ciara drive one of the cars themselves.

“Now that we’ve got a few minutes alone... how are you really?” AJ asked as soon as they were within closed doors.

“I’m alright... The booktour resumes next week and I can’t wait for that. Jarod and I talked with Dan and the boys. Dan’s selling the house and he’s going to move himself and the boys to another house closer to Jarod and Sarah. I also promised that they could still come see you guys when you’re in Boston. Is that alright?”

“Of course. Now, what about the memories... are you still getting them?” AJ questioned.

“The flashes? Yeah... they come in waves. Some are intense, some are happy, some are sad, but all in all, nothing too earth shattering. Jarod has helped me through alot of them and so has your mom.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t ...” AJ started to apologize for not being physically able to help her through the memory problems, but Ciara stopped him by pressing a finger to his lips.

“You’ve done plenty already. Besides... I know you’re here for me and all that. I’m okay, Alex. Honest.” Ciara stressed. She didn’t want AJ to worry about her when he needed to focus on the concert tour.

“So... How are the boys and Amy? Did they all behave for you?” AJ said. He changed the subject so that neither one of them would get upset.

“Yeah… they were kids, ya know… we had our moments, but otherwise, they were okay. We all miss mom. So… tell me about the tour and stuff. What’s been going on with you?”

“Hanging out with Nick… played a lot of basketball… tried not to think of you.” AJ said, causing Ciara to blush.

They chatted the rest of the way to the venue about their time apart from each other. AJ had Ciara laughing by the time they had parked the car.

“Ciara!” Rachel cried out as Ciara got out of the car. Rachel and the guys were waiting by the guys’ bus.

“Hey… not too close… I may have caught Amy’s cold.” Ciara flat out lied. She wasn’t in the mood for hugs and kisses from everyone… just AJ.

“And you came anyway? What a trooper!” Nick declared.

“Well, alright… since I’m in a hugging mood, I guess I’ll hug AJ.” Brian teased as everyone laughed.

“You goob… go away.” AJ said as he shooed the guys off of him.

“We were all going to get something to eat before sound check. You two hungry?” Kevin asked.

“I ate on the plane.” Ciara commented.

“I had a burger at the airport.” AJ replied, “I think we’re just gonna hang out on the bus for a while until sound check? Okay?” he asked everyone. They all agreed.

“We’ll talk later?” Rachel questioned Ciara. Ciara nodded in response.

AJ and Ciara went to the back of the bus and laid down in one of the bunks and held each other for a while, neither speaking, as they listened to each other’s heartbeats.

“Boy how I’ve missed this.” AJ commented to break the silence about a half hour after they had laid down.

“I’ve got a confession to make Alex.” Ciara barely moved as she spoke. AJ took his hand to lift her face towards him so that they could look at each other.

“Good one or bad one?” AJ said with a smile.

“The flashbacks are getting worse. I blacked out in front of the boys and Jarod last night. I really scared them… I scared me.” Ciara was honest with AJ.

“Jarod told me. He also said that you flew out here against doctor’s wishes.”

“You know?” Ciara was a little shocked.

“Yeah, Jarod called me right after you boarded the plane. You mad?” AJ asked.

“A little…”

“I know why you came and I’m flattered, but you should have listened to the doctor.” AJ scolded her.

“I just don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to impose on my brother and Sarah and the family they’re building. My house is empty with Rachel here with all of you and I miss you.” Tears formed in Ciara’s eyes.

“Don’t cry… things will be alright, but the minute you have one of those flashbacks and you black out, you’re headed to the emergency room. Understand?” AJ insisted. Ciara nodded. “Good, now let’s take a nap… I haven’t been sleeping well without my sexy, cuddly teddy bear beside me.” He chuckled.

“Remind me next time I see that bear to toss it out the window.” Ciara giggled as she snuggled closer to AJ before falling asleep in his arms.

They were asleep for nearly an hour when Rachel was sent onto the bus to let AJ know they were about to do sound check and that he was needed.

“Awe… aren’t you two cute?” Rachel sighed when she saw them wrapped in each other’s arms. “AJ… you’re needed on stage.” She spoke a little louder.

“Wha?” Ciara woke first. When she moved, it woke AJ.

“Hey sleepyheads… AJ, they’re ready for a sound check.”

“Thanks Rach… We’ll continue this later?” AJ grinned before kissing Ciara on the cheek.

“You bet.” Ciara replied as she reluctantly let AJ go. Rachel sat down beside her.

“You okay?” Rachel asked as she looked at her friend.

“I’m doing alright. I miss mom despite everything that’s happened, I really do.” Ciara admitted quickly to Rachel.

“I miss her too.” Rachel began to cry, which got Ciara started.

* * * *

“AJ, Ciara ok?” Nick asked as soon as he saw AJ enter the stage.

“She’s fine, Nick. Don’t worry… “ AJ insisted.

“You look happy man…” Howie commented.

“Don’t tell me you two… on the…” Brian was about to get angry.

“We took a nap… that’s all… don’t make me come over there and give you a wedgie, Bri.” AJ laughed.

“Can we do this?” Kevin looked at all the guys as the band filed in.

“What’s his problem?” AJ asked Nick. Nick shrugged.

“Rachel’s heading home tomorrow. She took an assignment in Washington State for a few weeks and needs to get some things done.” Brian explained.

“Could we stop gossiping about my love life and get on with the rehearsal, thank you very much?” Kevin seemed a little agitated.

“That sucks, Kev. It really does, but you two will survive.” AJ went up to Kevin and whispered in his ear.

“Thanks AJ.” Kevin replied as the band started with Shape Of My Heart for the guys to warm up to.

During sound check, one of the roadies noticed that a set of motion stairs weren’t moving correctly so he brought it to everyone’s attention. The guys would have to quickly rechoreograph Show Me The Meaning. Once that was set, AJ bolted straight for the bus. He found Ciara and Rachel laughing over a photo album that Rachel had made of the guys for Ciara. He stood there watching the two best friends for a few minutes.

“Hey… do you mind?” Kevin nudged AJ into the back room of the bus.

“Sorry… I didn’t want to interrupt them. They were having such a great time.” AJ said.

The women looked up from the photo album.

“Oh, hey, sound check over already?” Rachel asked.

“Yup… meet and greet’s in a few… Ciara, you’re looking pale.” Kevin noticed. Rachel looked at her best friend and cocked her head to one side as AJ slipped in next to Ciara.

“You’re not suppose to be here, are you?” Rachel asked Ciara point blank. Ciara looked at AJ and knew instantly that he told no one what he knew.

“Don’t start, Rachel… I had no choice… I didn’t want to be alone.” Ciara answered frankly.

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we all just have one night where there’s nothing wrong and we’re all just enjoying each other’s company? Please?” Ciara asked.

“You got it, babe.” AJ said before kissing her on the cheek.

“Okay… how about you ladies escort us to the meet and greet and then to our dressing rooms?” Kevin suggested.

“Sounds like a plan… lead on…” Rachel looked lovingly into Kevin’s eyes before turning to look into Ciara’s. She’d corner Ciara in the ladies room later and find out what was going on before she would call Jarod for the truth.

The meet and greet ran a little differently for this show. They were having some equipment problems with one of the opening acts so the question and answer session ran a little long.

“Is it true that your girlfriend is here, AJ?” one of the girls asked.

“Yup… she’s right over there… wave sweetie.” AJ said to Ciara. She managed a smile and a wave for the fans. She was standing next to Rachel. “And the woman next to her, is Kevin’s girlfriendfiancée, Rachel. Now don’t boo. We all have never seen him as happy as he is with Rachel in his life.”

“Weren’t they the two that won the MTV contest, but you had to declare another winner?” another girl asked. Ciara raised her hand. AJ noticed right away.

“Ciara… do you want to answer this one?” he asked. She nodded. Security led her and Rachel up to where the guys were. Brian handed Ciara his mic.

“Hi… I know you’re all here to see the guys and they’re grateful that you’re here, but if I could have a few minutes to explain the answer to the question the young woman in the back asked, I’d appreciate it. So to all you reporters out there… listen carefully and get it right. What happened was at the time of the concert, I had amnesia to a certain extent because of a really bad accident when I was fourteen. Yes, it’s true that AJ and I knew each other when we were children. He was led to believe that I died in the hospital after that accident. Anyway, Rachel and I listened to the guys, but I didn’t know AJ. I didn’t know that Rachel entered the contest and when she won, she and I headed to MTV to pick up the prize. AJ recognized me and immediately told the powers that be that he had to make sure who I was. The minute I heard AJ’s voice, I knew who he was and I remembered my past. The guys all knew right then and there that another winner had to be chosen. Rachel wasn’t upset by that. She understood completely. I hope that you, the fans, do too.” Ciara told them before handing the microphone back to Brian.

“Is AJ really the rebel of the group?” someone shouted out.

“Of course I am.” AJ replied and tore off his wife-beater. Ciara blushed.

Rachel noticed and nudged Ciara. “You ready to talk to me?” she asked. She figured that now was as good a time as any to try to talk to Ciara about what was going on. Ciara nodded. They motioned to the guys that they were leaving and went back to the bus with security to talk.

“Okay Ciara… spill…” Rachel stated as they sat down with water at the table in the back.

“I’m going in for minor brain surgery next week. I’ve got some blood vessels that are bleeding slightly.”

“How slightly?”

“Enough to put pressure on my spine, my memory nodes, and enough to be concerned about paralysis.” Ciara admitted.

“I’m canceling my traveling nurse job that I was suppose to begin. I’ll be your nurse for a while. How’s that sound?” Rachel said without hesitation.

“That would be the easy, comfortable route for both of us, wouldn’t it?” Ciara stated.

“Yeah, it would. Have you told AJ yet?” Rachel asked.

"I really think I should tell Alex without the guys around. I appreciate your offer, but let’s just take it a few minutes at a time. I promise that after I talk with Alex tonight that we’ll talk with the guys soon." Ciara promised.

Rachel didn’t push her any further to include the rest of the guys on what would be happening. She decided to be supportive of Ciara.

"Okay, just promise me that if you need me, you’ll let me know?" Rachel asked.

"In a heartbeat. During the concert, please don’t leave my side." Ciara stated.

"Are you kidding? It’s going to be maddening… you and I are going to be surrounded by security and then some. Tonight’s show is sold out. I’m surprised that we aren’t going to be handcuffed together." Rachel laughed.

"Someone say handcuffs?" Kevin asked as he entered the back room, causing both women to blush.

"Kev!" Rachel protested. He chuckled.

"Anyone ever tell you how much more beautiful you both look when you blush?" Kevin asked.

"Stop hitting on my woman, Kev." AJ said as he jokingly pushed Kevin out of the way.

"Sound check over already?" Ciara asked.

"Yup. We’ve got an hour or so before we need to change and such." AJ answered as he sat down on the other side of her.

"Wanna fool around?" Kevin asked Rachel as he held out his hand.

"Just don’t wear him out, okay? He needs some energy for the stage." AJ teased as Rachel and Kevin disappeared to the bunks. Ciara laughed.

"Alex, you’re incorrigible."

"But that’s why you love me." AJ said as he moved to nibble on her ear.

"Partly… how was the rest of the meet and greet?" Ciara asked.

"I’m beginning to wonder if the fans are more interested in who we’re dating than who we are anymore. They still had questions pertaining to you and Rachel after you left. It was hysterical. Nick finally told them that in actuality, you two were aliens from another planet, here to try to understand the difference between us and the rest of the boy groups out there." AJ told her. Ciara busted out with laughter.

"I can so picture him saying that too." She stated.

"So… tell me… what else did you do with your brothers and your niece while Jarod and Sara were alone for a few days?" AJ wanted to know.

"I took them into New York City to eat at WWE. They met Lita and The Hardy Brothers. It was cool. Oohh, I have pictures." Ciara said and whipped out a few for him.

"Looks like you loved it to." AJ replied.

"How could I not… being able to see my younger brothers laughing and having fun did me some good. I think the trip into the city did me some good too. Bonding with my brothers and stuff." Ciara admitted.

"You want children someday, don’t you?" AJ asked out of the blue. Ciara looked at him.

"I think I’d be a good mom, yeah." She replied.

"I think you’d be a wonderful mom." AJ replied.

"Thanks, Alex." She softened from her stoic position. She was afraid he would know that she had some bad news to tell him and she didn’t want him to get that vibe before the concert.

"You know, I was thinking… you’re probably exhausted from all that time with the kids and the flight. You don’t need to come watch the show if you’re not up to it." AJ explained.

“I want to be there. I wanna have some fun.” Ciara insisted.

“That makes me happy. That you want to be there.” AJ admitted.

“You make me happy. But would really make me happy is if we could just cuddle until you are needed in wardrobe.”

“I can oblige.” AJ smiled as he pulled her closer to him.

A little while later, Nick let them know it was time to go to wardrobe.

Ciara walked with AJ and the guys and Rachel over to wardrobe and then went and sat in their dressing room and waited for their curtain call.

After the concert was over, everyone went straight to the hotel. AJ and Ciara had planned on just staying in. Ciara had wanted to talk and AJ knew something was up.

“AJ, there’s more I need to tell you about what the doctor said.” Ciara admitted once they were alone in their hotel room. They were sitting on the bed enjoying the silence as they cuddled.

“Is everything alright?” AJ got a worried look on his face.

“Honestly? No… no it’s not.” Ciara took a deep breath. “I’m going in for minor brain surgery next week. I’ve got some blood vessels that are bleeding slightly.”

“How slightly?” AJ managed to ask as he let the news sink in.

“The doctors believe that by relieving the pressure that the bleeding is causing that it’ll ease the intensity of the headaches and stop the blackouts.” Ciara covered. She didn’t want to tell him about the possibility of brain damage and/or paralysis.

“This is why the doctor didn’t want you coming out? Does Jarod know?” AJ asked.

“No… only you and Rachel. I don’t want him to worry about me. He’s got Sarah and his family to worry about. I didn’t want to even tell you or Rachel, but I knew that I had to or you’d both know something was up when I didn’t come out here.” Ciara admitted.”

“I want to be there.” AJ stated.

“No… you need to finish this tour… You’ve got these last three weeks with ending in Boston. I’m having minor surgery…”

“Brain surgery is not minor surgery Ciara.” AJ was getting upset.

“Mine is, Alex. I don’t want you to cancel tour dates because of me. I’m going to be just fine. I swear, Alex.” Ciara replied.

“Do you think I’m stupid, Ciara? Do you?” AJ asked.

“Of course I don’t.” Ciara replied.

“How can you sit here and tell me that brain surgery is minor? Ciara… it’s pretty serious and there could be major complications.” AJ pointed out.

“Not for me. I’m going to be fine.” Ciara told him.

“Unbelievable.” AJ replied. He got up off the bed, grabbed his jacket and left the hotel room.

Ciara figured he just needed to calm down and would be gone thirty minutes tops, but when he didn’t show up over an hour later, she went to Kevin and Rachel’s room.

“Rach?” Ciara knocked on the door.

“Just a minute…” Rachel replied before answering the door. “You alright?” she asked.

“Alex took off after I told him… he’s been gone for over an hour and a half.” Ciara blurted out. Rachel reached for Ciara’s forehead.

“You feel warm… stressin’?”

“Everything alright?” Kevin asked moments later as he came to the doorway to see what was going on.

“I told him, Ciara. It’s alright.” Rachel explained.

“I told AJ about the surgery… he got upset and took off. At first I just thought he needed to calm down and would be right back, but he’s not.” Ciara explained.

“Why don’t you and Rachel go back to your room and I’ll get Lonnie and we’ll go look for AJ?” Kevin suggested.

“Okay.” Ciara replied. Kevin saw both women to Ciara’s hotel room before going to get Lonnie and looking for AJ. They found him in the lounge, drinking.

“Damn it Alex… I thought you were done with this stuff.” Kevin said as he sat on a stool next to AJ.

“Go away Kevin. I don’t need this from you tonight.” AJ returned the greeting.

“Do you know what you being down here is doing to Ciara right now? She’s upstairs in your hotel room crying over this. She didn’t even want to tell you about this. And now she has and you handled this oh so well by taking off and disappearing on her. She’s stressing so much she’s running a temperature and according to Rachel, that’s not good for Ciara.”

“Shut up Kevin. Just shut up.” Alex said as he tried to stand up. He could barely stand. Lonnie grabbed one arm while Kevin grabbed another.

“Coffee?” asked the bartender.

“Yes, and keep it coming.” Kevin replied as they found the nearest booth and threw Alex in it.

“Go away. Both of you.” Alex replied.

“Why didn’t you come to me or Brian tonight Alex? We would have talked you through this instead of you having to come down here and tie one on.” Kevin began.

“Don’t lecture me Kevin… you’ve never been in my shoes so don’t even try to pretend that you have.” AJ replied.

“So tell me what you’re trying to drink into oblivion? Talk to me, Alex.” Kevin replied. AJ stared at Kevin for a few minutes.

“I can’t lose her again, Kevin. She’s pretending that the surgery is minor. MINOR. How the hell can you classify brain surgery as minor? " AJ ran a hand through his hair.

"Alex, she’s in survival mode. She’s doing the best she can and she needs to believe that this is minor for her. Deep down you know that and deep down you’re kicking yourself in the ass for coming down here and having a few drinks." Kevin pointed out.

"Stop trying to be my conscious Kevin. Just go away. I just want to be alone." Alex eyed Kevin as he pushed away the coffee the waiter had brought him.

"That is enough!" Lonnie exploded, "You will not wallow in self pity about Ciara and her medical problems. YOU WILL NOT pull Kevin or anyone else down like this, AND YOU WILL drink that coffee, sober up, go up and apologize to Ciara and hold her like she needs to be held. YOU WILL talk to Kevin and the guys about what you did today and YOU WILL go to an AA meeting in the morning. Understand?" Lonnie slammed his fists on the table, startling both Kevin and AJ.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" AJ got in Lonnie’s face.

"You’re bodyguard and that is why I butted in, because I’m guarding your body and alcohol is not the answer. Now shut up and drink your coffee, dammit." Lonnie replied.

Kevin’s phone rang, causing them all to reach for their phones.

"Rach?" Kevin answered the phone.

"It’s Ciara… she’s had a seizure, I’ve called for an ambulance." Rachel replied.

"We’re downstairs in the restaurant… how bad?" Kevin asked.

"She’s incoherent and confused and scared. Totally understandable. Kevin, this was the worst I’ve ever seen them." Rachel admitted.

"We’ll follow in the car."

"What’s wrong?" Alex immediately asked.

"Ciara’s had a bad seizure AJ. Rachel called for an ambulance." Kevin told his friend.

AJ bolted from his seat and headed for the elevators.

"Lonnie, get the car."

"I’m so stupid." AJ said as Kevin grabbed hold of his arm.

"You can wallow in self-pity later… sober up pal. Ciara needs you." Kevin stated solemnly.

Rachel rode with Ciara in the ambulance while Lonnie, Kevin, and AJ followed behind in the SUV.

"Where is she, Rachel?" AJ asked when they got to the Emergency waiting room.

"The doctors are looking at her. Come sit down with me." Rachel insisted. She had been crying. AJ sat on one side of her, Kevin on the other.

"How bad?" AJ asked.

"She never regained consciousness from the time she began seizing until the paramedics took her back to the curtains." Rachel explained.

"It’s all my fault." AJ said as he put his head in his hands.

"AJ? She’s asking for you. She won’t let us help her until she sees you." A nurse came running into the room a few minutes later. AJ immediately followed the nurse.

"Angel Eyes? You have to let them help you." AJ said as soon as he reached her bedside.

"You okay?" she asked him as she smiled.

"I’m okay, you’re the one in the hospital. C’mon, let them help you." AJ stated.

"My medical records are in my suitcase… go get them. They’ll help the doctors. And don’t blame yourself. You and Jarod and my doctor were right, I shouldn’t have flown." Ciara stated.

"Okay, I’ll go get your records, but you just relax and don’t worry about me or anything else." AJ said as he kissed her cheek.

"I love you Alex." Ciara whispered in his ear.

"I love you too." AJ replied before leaving to go to Rachel and Kevin.

Lonnie and Rachel went back to the hotel for Ciara’s medical records while AJ and Kevin stayed back in the waiting room and waited for word on Ciara.

After Rachel and Lonnie returned with Ciara’s medical records, the doctor contacted Ciara’s neurosurgeon and plans were made to have a medical helicopter take Ciara back home for surgery as soon as possible.

Ciara wanted to be the one to tell AJ, Rachel, and Kevin. So she was transferred to a private examination room and the doctor went to get AJ and the others.

"I want to be there too." Alex said when Ciara was finished.

"Remember what I said earlier about you finishing the tour, I meant it. It’s been delayed several times already. Rachel and your mom will be with me. I’ll be fine." Ciara smiled for AJ.

"But…" AJ stopped himself, "okay, I’ll finish the tour but then I’m racing right over to the house after that last show. Understand?" Alex asked. Ciara nodded before turning to Kevin.

"Kevin, I need you and Lonnie to keep AJ’s ass in line. I’m sure Rachel will be using many minutes on the cell phone to keep you up to date on me and on her. Will you watch after Alex for me?" Ciara asked him.

"Of course I will. Don’t you worry about a thing. What should we tell the rest of the guys?" Kevin asked.

"Tell them the truth. And tell them to just concentrate on finishing the tour. I’m going to be just fine." Ciara insisted.

"So how soon do you leave?" Alex asked.

"About an hour. As soon as the helicopter is fueled and Rachel is brought up to speed on Ciara’s condition." The doctor answered.

"Can I stay until it’s time for her to go?" Alex asked, not taking his eyes off of Ciara.

"Sure, we’ll give you some privacy." The doctor replied. Kevin leaned down and gave Ciara a hug and a kiss.

"Don’t worry about us. I’ll take care of Alex." He whispered in her ear.

"Thanks, Kev." Ciara said. She waited until she was alone with Alex to tell him everything that was on her mind.

"Alex, I need you to call Jarod and tell him what’s happened. Can you do that?" Ciara asked Alex. He replied with a nod.

"And I need for you to stop blaming yourself. I know that’s what you are doing so stop it."

"I promise I’ll stop as soon as you admit that this is a very serious procedure and not some simple thing that you’re just doing to appease the doctors." AJ said.

"I know it’s very serious AJ and I was hoping that this would never happen, but it has. The only good thing about this is that it will relieve the headaches and maybe the memory flashes won’t be so painful physically like they have been. Everything’s going to be fine. You gotta have faith Alex, okay? For me?" Ciara asked him.

"I will." AJ promised.

"We should get her upstairs AJ." A nurse said a few minutes later.

"Okay… Ciara, I love you. And I’ll just be a phone call away until the tour is over." Alex looked into Ciara’s eyes.

"I love you too. I’ll see you soon." Ciara said. Kevin and Rachel came back into the room so that Kevin could again say goodbye to Ciara and keep AJ from following her up to the heliport.

Once Ciara and Rachel had disappeared down the hall, AJ collapsed in tears in Kevin’s arms.

Kevin held AJ as he cried, sometimes uncontrollably, sometimes softly until Lonnie interrupted them an hour or so later.

"Brian called. He, Nick, and Howie were wondering where everyone was. I told Brian that AJ needed to call a meeting and for everyone to meet on the tourbus in an hour. That alright?" Lonnie questioned.

"Uh," Kevin began.

"Yeah, that’s fine Lonnie. Um, could you get us some coffee?" AJ interrupted as he stood up and reached for a tissue.

"I’ll be right back." Lonnie said.

"Alex, the floor is all yours." Kevin said when it was just him and AJ again.

"Thanks Kevin. I may need you to help explain about Ciara, but let me be the one to come clean to the guys about the alcohol. Okay?" AJ instructed.

"You don’t have to mention…"

"Yes, I do… to be true to myself and my recovery, I do. Once we tell the guys, then I’ll do an AA meeting. Can you guys cover for me with the interviews?"

"We will."

"Coffee and some muffins… you both could use something to eat." Lonnie came back into the room.

"Let’s go then." Kevin said and let Lonnie lead the way to the car.

*****

"You both look like you didn’t get any sleep last night. What’s wrong?” Brian immediately asked when Kevin and AJ walked into the back of the bus. Lonnie cleared the bus of everyone but the guys so that they could talk.

“Ciara’s on her way home to have some surgery done on her neck and head to relieve some pressure to her brain. She had a seizure last night.” AJ said in one breath before looking at Kevin.

“Rachel went with her back to the hospital to watch over her for us. AJ made a promise to Ciara that he’d finish the tour. So that’s what we’re going to do. But before you guys ask any questions, AJ has something else he wants to say.” Kevin stopped Nick from asking a question.

“Last night, Ciara had told me about the surgery. I stormed out when I couldn’t get her to see things my way and ended up down at the bar where Kevin found me. Yes, I was drunk. I gave in and drank. I was wrong and although I can’t promise that I’ll never take a drink again, I will admit that I am not strong when it comes to alcohol. Now, I’ve got to get to an AA meeting.” AJ explained.

“AJ… can I say something?” Nick asked. AJ knew that Nick would be the one to question him and his actions.

“Sure Nicky.” AJ gave Nick the floor.

“I’m sorry you felt that you had to turn to alcohol last night. I know that this isn’t easy for you at all, but I’m going to keep saying it for all of us. We’re here for you and we’ll help any way we can.”

“Thanks Nicky… what I need help with today is for you guys to let me go to the AA meeting, and then try to get a nap in before our performance tonight. Can you cover for me?” AJ asked them all. One by one they all said “Sure” and gave him a hug.

2002-04-08T23:21:00.000-04:00

Jarod and the twins were waiting on the porch for Rachel, Ciara and AJ when they drove up. As soon as Ciara got out of the car, the twins ran to her. Ciara held on to them as she looked at Jarod and mouthed "What happened?" to him.

"Alex, let me help you with the bags." Jarod said. He kissed his sister on the forehead as he passed her to get to the back of the car.

They all went into the house and sat down. Dan was asleep in a spare bedroom, Jarod explained to Ciara and AJ, but wanted Jarod to explain what happened.

"Mom had a brain embolism early this morning. They believe it stemmed from the accident. It is one of those freak occurrences. They were monitoring her and everything but had no warning, which is usual for the type of occurrence." Jarod explained as Suzie joined them all in the living room.

"Was she in pain?" Ciara asked.

"The nurse told me she wasn't." Jarod answered.

"Arrangements?"

"Uncle Pete is making them." Eddie spoke up.

"Uncle Pete?" Ciara asked.

"PJ... Ciara... the boys call him uncle." Jarod explained. PJ was Jarod and Suzie's next door neighbor. He was Dan and Ciara's mom's lawyer.

"I want to see Dan." Ciara said.

"He's in the far back bedroom. Eddie, why don't you go with her and get your dad whatever he needs, okay?" Suzie suggested. Eddie nodded and led Ciara to Dan.

2002-04-08T22:21:00.000-04:00

"Where are we going AJ?" Ciara asked once they were at the airport. AJ knew he had delayed telling Ciara the news as long as he possibly could. He let out a big sigh and sat her down on the nearest bench.

"I'm going to tell you exactly what I know." he started, looking directly into Ciara's eyes. She nodded as he spoke. "Baby, that was Jarod on the phone. He and the twins need you. Your mom died last night." AJ moved both his hands to the sides of her face as Ciara let the reality of his words sink in. "I don't know all the details... Jarod just said that he and the twins needed you to come home so we're going. Rachel's going to meet us at Jarod's." he explained.

"You don't know anything else? How it happened or anything?" Ciara asked between sobs.

"Nothing... I didn't ask... Just wanted to get you to them as soon as possible." AJ answered. She threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry, C..." AJ began to cry.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It'll be okay... we just gotta get to Jarod and the boys." Ciara said as they were still embraced.

"Ready to go then?" he asked.

"Yeah... let's get there." Ciara said. They both dried their eyes and went about checking into the airport.

"Rachel... thanks for meeting us." Ciara said as she and AJ greeted Rachel when they got off the plane.

"Not a problem... let's get your things and get you with the guys." Rachel said as she embraced them both.

2002-04-08T18:41:00.000-04:00

He made the plane reservations and hastily called his mother to tell her what had happened and ask her to take care of the house while he was gone.

Before going upstairs to help Ciara finish packing, he hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and sat down on the bottom step. How was he going to tell her that her mom died. He didn't know any more than that and he knew that despite everything that had happened between mother and daughter, that Ciara was going to be really upset about her mom dying.

"AJ... we're ready to go... could you come help me bring the bags down?" Ciara called from the top of the steps.

"Sure thing... I'll be right up baby." AJ said and dried his eyes on his shirt before bounding up the stairs two at a time.

2002-04-07T21:24:00.000-04:00

"What's wrong? Who was that?" Ciara asked.

"I need you to go pack our bags... I'll tell you all I know on the way to the airport... I need to make some plans." AJ said, trying to hold back tears that were screaming to come out. Ciara was not going to take the news that her mom was dead very well. He needed a few minutes to compose himself and prepare himself to tell her what he knew. First, he wanted to call Kevin and Rachel. Rachel would know how to deal with it.

"Rach..." AJ began as soon as he heard her pick up on the other end of the phone.

"Jarod just told me. If you think Ciara can handle the news, tell her. She should know so she can help the twins deal with it. I'm heading out to Jarod's now." Rachel explained.

"Kevin and the guys?"

"I'm sending them back to Florida. Nick needs to see his own doctor and they need to check in with Management. Kevin's going to cover for you. She'll be okay, AJ... try not to worry." Rachel told him.

"Okay... okay... we'll see you there." AJ thanked Rachel before hanging up the phone.

2002-02-22T21:48:00.000-05:00

Ciara and AJ stayed up that night and talked until the sun rose. They talked about their hopes and dreams and what kind of life each of them had had. It was more in depth than he conversations they had had back in Ciara's home.

"I feel like such a weight's been lifted." AJ said as they laid on the floor in front of the fireplace in his bedroom. Animal asleep next to Ciara.

"I just feel better. Plain and simple. Like everything will be all right." Ciara said as the phone rang. They both looked at the time on the clock it was just a few minutes after six am.

"Hello?" AJ answered the phone.

"AJ... it's Jarod... the twins and I need Ciara to come home." Jarod immediately said.

"What's wrong?" AJ asked as he looked at Ciara with concerned eyes.

"My mother passed away just after midnight." Jarod replied. "I don't know anything more right now, but I haven't told the twins yet."

"We're on our way." AJ said and hung up the phone.

2001-12-31T20:46:00.000-05:00

“But?” AJ urged her to talk more if she wanted.

“No… no buts… no dwelling on what could have been. How about we go watch that movie now?” she suggested as she dried her eyes and got up to leave the room. AJ stopped her by grabbing her hand.

“Wait a second, Ciara… let’s talk about this.” AJ stated. He was concerned. As much as they were angry with her mother for keeping them apart, that was still her mother that was just in a car accident and committed to the psychiatric ward of the hospital back home. He had expected more emotion out of Ciara than what she gave him.

“I don’t want to talk about it AJ. There’s nothing I can do about what’s happened except to move on and I’m trying… I really am… I’m trying so hard to piece both pieces of me into one persona and that’s really, really hard to do. So much has happened in these past several days, Alex. Hell, two weeks ago, I didn’t even know about my pre-teen years from my point of view and all I knew of you was that you were the rebel of a boy-band. Please, you just said that I should relax… put things right and get my memory back so let’s do that, okay? Please… for me???” Ciara begged. She didn’t move from where she was standing as she spoke to him.

“All right… so you wanna watch a movie… let’s go see what I’ve got downstairs…” AJ held out his hand and led her down to the TV room.

“What are we in the mood for?” AJ asked as he opened one of the doors on the TV cabinet to reveal lots of movies.

“How about the Leathal Weapon series?” Ciara asked. Mel Gibson movies always took her mind off her troubles.

“Mel Gibson fan, eh?”

“Love him in these movies.” Ciara replied as she sat down on the couch.

AJ and Ciara spent the rest of the afternoon and evening watching all four Leathal Weapon movies and laughing and talking. They stopped long enough to warm up some left over pasta before finishing watching the movies. After the movies were over, Ciara turned to AJ.

“We forgot to go over for pie.” She said.

“It’s okay, I called Mrs. Wilson during one of the bathroom breaks. She understands.” AJ replied. “You okay?” AJ asked.

“Yeah, this is perfect… what I needed, thanks AJ.” Ciara replied.

“We go back tomorrow night you know.” AJ was hesitant to tell her. He really liked it being just the two of them.

“So soon?” Ciara sounded disappointed, “Could we stop by my father’s grave before we go to the airport so I can say goodbye?” Ciara asked.

“Certainly.” He replied.

"How about a cup of tea and then we make our way up to bed?" AJ suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." Ciara smiled for him.

"Good. I'll go make the tea. Don't go anywhere." AJ kissed her before jumping over the couch and heading for the kitchen.

2001-10-03T18:47:00.000-04:00

“So what about this cruel joke?” AJ asked as Ciara joined him in the den.

“She said that Kevin had been making some calls and that management wants you guys back on the road as soon as possible.” Ciara explained.

“You know… it’s going to happen soon. Nick is getting better.” AJ replied.

“I don’t want to admit that just yet, AJ.” Ciara looked away from AJ. She didn’t want him to see the tears that were forming in her eyes.

“Neither do I, but it will happen, then what will we do?” AJ asked.

“Alex, please… I don’t want to think about this. Can we just watch some TV and enjoy each other’s company?” Ciara turned to look at him.

AJ cupped Ciara’s face with his hand and kissed away her tears.

“If I have my way, you’re coming with me for the rest of the tour. I don’t want to leave your side ever again.” AJ said before kissing her passionately. Ciara pushed him back into the crease in the couch and took the remote from his hand and tossed it aside as AJ took the ponytail out of her hair and let her hair down. Ciara helped AJ off with his wife-beater and AJ flipped her onto the couch so that he was on top of her.

“What happened to a nice, quiet day at home watching movies and just relaxing?” AJ asked in between taking little nips at her neck and chin.

“We can do that, ya know… but I have a better idea.” Ciara whispered in his ear. AJ stood up and scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. As he laid her down on the bed, the telephone rang. They ignored it for a few minutes until they heard the phone message.

“Ciara… it’s mom. Dan’s had her committed.” Jarod said into the phone. AJ picked up the receiver.

“Jarod, hold on…” he said and handed the phone over. He went to get up but Ciara wouldn’t let go of his hand.

“Jarod?” Ciara asked.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to call you, but the boys and I decided that you should know as soon as possible.” Jarod explained.

“What happened?” Ciara took a deep breadth to stop from crying.

“She wrapped the car around a tree with him in it after he stopped her from trying to drown herself. So after having a psychiatrist talk with her, he decided to have her committed.” Jarod said. “Dan didn’t want us to tell you but said that if we did it was all right. Susie and I had a hard time decided what to tell the guys, but we decided that they should know everything.” Jarod replied.

“Thanks for calling to tell me. Where are they?” Ciara asked.

“Mercy General.”

“Is Dan all right?” Ciara was worried more about Dan now. Her mom was his world.

“Yeah, just a bit shaken and some bruises. The boys and I are going to go pick him up tomorrow. Don’t you worry about anything. We just wanted to let you know about this.” Jarod said.

“Are you going to see momma?” Ciara asked as the tears started. AJ rubbed her back and held her close.

“Yes.”

“Should I come?” she asked.

“No. Absolutely not! You deserve this time with AJ.” Jarod insisted.

“All right. But call us here tomorrow after you see her and give her a hug for me and Dan too?” Ciara asked.

“I will. She’s going to get the help she needs now, Ciara. She’s going to be all right.” Jarod said.

“I know. Thanks for calling.” Ciara replied.

“Love you.” Jarod replied and hung up.

“What’s going on?” AJ asked. Ciara told him everything.

“He’s right. You just began to relax down here. Put things right. Get your memory back.” AJ said.

“You’re both right. I know you are."

2001-09-28T19:48:00.000-04:00

“Hello?” AJ said into the phone, “Hey… yeah… hold on.” AJ said and handed the phone to Ciara. “It’s Rachel.” He replied.

“Heya Rachel.” Ciara thanked AJ and answered the phone. AJ pointed to the other room and gave her some privacy.

“Hi. I just called to see how yesterday went.” Rachel replied.

“I got to say good-bye to my dad and then we went and spent some time with his mom. It was a good day. We ran into a woman who I remembered and we’re going over there tonight for some dessert after dinner. What are you doing?” Ciara asked.

“Nothing… Nick’s doing much better. Kevin’s been making a few calls… looks like management wants to get the guys back on the road as soon as possible.” Rachel replied.

“What? No!” Ciara replied quite upset, suddenly not wanting to let AJ out of her sight.

“Haha… got you!” Rachel giggled on the other end as AJ came running back into the room.

“You are so dead girl. So dead.” Ciara replied and then cupped the phone to calm AJ down, “Rachel played a cruel joke on me… it’s okay though.” She said to AJ. AJ nodded and left the room again.

“I’m sorry… I was just having some fun. Miss you.” Rachel replied.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do… What about Kevin, isn’t he keeping you occupied?” Ciara asked.

“It’s not the same. I can’t talk girl stuff with him although there are things that I can do with him that I’ll never do with you.” Rachel and Ciara both laughed at that remark.

“I hear ya. Well, AJ and I are going to watch some movies this afternoon and just take it easy. Give our love to the guys.” Ciara spoke.

“I will. I’m glad you’re down there and you’ve gotten some answers. We’ll have a girls’ night, just you and me when you get back, ok?” Rachel wondered.

“Yes, we will. Bye.” Ciara replied and hung up the phone.

2001-09-23T15:52:00.000-04:00

“Ciara? We’re here.” AJ said a few minutes later. Ciara had closed her eyes for a few moments. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea?” AJ said as he looked at Ciara’s face. He could tell the toll that the day had taken on her.

“No… you’re mom and I are looking forward to seeing each other again. I’ll be fine and if I’m not, I promise I’ll let you know.” Ciara looked at him and said before kissing him.

“You’d better.” He said as they stayed connected by their foreheads for a few moments.

AJ’s mom had heard them pull up into the driveway and was anxiously waiting for them at the door.

“Ciara!” Denise McLean ran to the car from the door.

“Mom!” Ciara was already crying as she got out of the car and hugged AJ’s mom.

“You look wonderful!” Denise cried, “C’mon, let’s get you both into the house, we’ve got a lot to catch up on, Ciara.” Denise said as AJ joined the two women on the side of the car. Denise hugged him as well.

As soon as Ciara and AJ got into the house they could smell the pasta sauce; they took one look at each other and smiled. They knew they were going to have home made pasta for dinner.

“C’mon… into the kitchen. Yes, I’m cooking.” Denise smiled as she wiped away the tears from Ciara’s face. “There will be no more tears. Okay?” she looked at both of her kids. She always considered Ciara her daughter.

Ciara and AJ spent the afternoon and well into the evening talking and eating and catching up with AJ’s mom. AJ and his mom insisted on Ciara taking it easy while they cleaned up the kitchen. They left her in the den looking at pictures. When they returned, she was sound asleep.

“AJ, why don’t you two stay here for the night?” Denise suggested to her son.

“That would be great mom, thanks for the offer, but I think she would be more comfortable back home.” AJ replied.

Denise opened the doors for AJ as he scooped Ciara up and carried her to the car.

“AJ?” Ciara asked.

“Ssshhh, we’re going home. It’s been a long day.” AJ spoke softly as he kissed her forehead.

“Bye baby.” Denise kissed Ciara’s cheek after AJ had buckled her in.

“Bye mom. We’ll call you tomorrow.” AJ gave his mom a hug and a kiss before getting in the car and heading home.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep at your mom’s.” Ciara said as AJ helped her out of the car when they got back to his house.

“It was late and you’ve had a pretty big day. It’s okay that you fell asleep there. You were comfortable with being there. That’s good. C’mon, let’s go to bed.” AJ said. Within a half hour of getting home, they were both sound asleep.

“What are you doing in my kitchen?” AJ said the next morning. He woke to the smell of fresh coffee and something cooking.

“I’m making breakfast.” Ciara replied. “You’re in for a treat!” she giggled as AJ kissed her on the cheek.

“Mornin’.” He said as she handed him a glass of juice.

“Mornin.” She replied. She was making omelets.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast…” AJ began to say as she stopped him with the spatula.

“Maybe so, but I wanted to. Amuse me, okay?” Ciara replied. “Let me do this.” She stated.

“Certainly.” AJ said. He leaned back against the counter and watched her make breakfast, offering to make toast or help in some way, but she insisted that she had everything under control. That was until she tried to flip the omelet. She couldn’t get it to flip and they both watched in horror as half of the omelet landed on the ground.

“Awe man!” Ciara said.

“Well, Animal’s enjoying that. Here, let me help.” AJ tried not to laugh.

“Animal, that’s not meant for you.” Ciara said to the cat as she handed the pan with the rest of the omelet to him so she could clean up the floor.

AJ helped salvage breakfast and added more ingredients and scrambled everything together. Ciara didn’t mind. He was just trying to help.

They discussed what to do with the rest of the day over breakfast. As they were cleaning up, the phone rang.

2001-09-19T17:46:00.000-04:00

Once they got in the car, AJ called Denise and asked her if she wanted some company. She excitedly said yes and hung up on him. AJ laughed and called her back.

“Mom… we’ll be there in about a half hour, okay?” AJ laughed into the phone.

“Can I make some dinner or something? I just finished making some meatballs and sauce.” She replied.

“Ma… whatever you’d like to do. Love you.” AJ said and hung up the phone.

“She cookin’ again?” Ciara asked.

“You up for pasta?” AJ asked.

“You know I love pasta. I just have one more stop before we go to your mom’s.” Ciara explained.

“You want to go by your old house, don’t you?” AJ asked.

“If it’s not too much trouble.” Ciara replied. She wanted to see it again.

“Not at all.” AJ replied and made a left to go to their old neighborhood. He had since bought his mom a new home and gave her a monthly stipend so she didn’t have to work.

“Who lives there now? A nice family?” Ciara wondered.

“I think the Joneses still live there. They bought it about a year after the accident. I use to date their daughter, Jessie… I don’t know about now.” AJ commented.

“Wow… the house looks great.” Ciara replied as AJ pulled up across the street and put the car in park.

“Yeah… I take good care of it.” AJ said to himself, he didn’t tell her that he owned the house, that he owned most of the block to stop developers from tearing it down to put up a strip mall.

“Mr. McLean… how nice to see you!” Mrs. Jones declared as AJ and Ciara got out of the car.

“Hello Mrs. Jones. How are you today?” he asked. Mrs. Jones was planting flowers around one of the trees in the front of the yard.

“Just fine… thank you. You just missed Jessie and her husband. They were here for the weekend with the twins.” Mrs. Jones explained.

“How is Jessie and the clan?” AJ was so polite with Mrs. Jones.

“Just fine, just fine… what brings you to the neighborhood?” she asked.

“Remember how I used to talk about the family that lived here before you did? This is Ciara, the daughter.” AJ explained and introduced the two women to each other.

“Ah yes… your mother was just here a few days ago. Very upset and hysterical.” Mrs. Jones said.

“I’m sorry about that. She’s not right in the head. I hope she wasn’t a bother?” Ciara replied.

“Not at all dear. I’m glad you’re here though… she left something behind. Come on into the house with me.” Mrs. Jones said to them both.

“Um, if you don’t mind, I’ll just wait in the car. I’m not prepared to go back in there.” Ciara said rather quickly. AJ knew right away that a panic attack was about to hit.

“Fine… fine… I’ll be right out with it.” Mrs. Jones didn’t seem to mind that Ciara didn’t want to go into the house.

“You okay?” AJ asked as soon as Mrs. Jones was in the house.

“Yeah, I just know that if I go into the house, we won’t make it to your mom’s. I’ll be okay.” Ciara managed to smile. Mrs. Jones came back out of the house with a thick manila envelope.

“What’s this?” Ciara asked as Mrs. Jones handed it to her.

“Somehow your mom knew you’d be by and told me that if you came by, that I was to give this to you.” Mrs. Jones replied.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jones. Take care.” Ciara shook Mrs. Jones’ hand.

“You kids stay safe now. Buh-bye.” Mrs. Jones replied as AJ walked Ciara over to the car.

Ciara stared at the manila envelope. She wasn’t sure she wanted to open it. Once they were on their way again, she placed it behind her. AJ wasn’t going to ask. He knew she’d open it when she was ready.

2001-09-15T16:51:00.000-04:00

When they woke later that morning, Ciara went down and made the coffee and tea while AJ took a shower. Ciara tried not to think about her nightmare, but was deep in thought over it when AJ had come down to join her in the kitchen. She was staring out into the back hard with her teacup to her lips when AJ took the cup out of her hands.

“Tell me about the dream.” AJ said softly.

“Do I have to?” Ciara said as a tear fell from her cheek.

“It might help.” AJ said.

“Alex…” she choked up and put her head in her hands to compose herself.

“Nothing can hurt you now, Ciara. Not if I can help it.” AJ said.

“Did you know that the paramedics had to have the firefighters cut through my dad to get me out?” Ciara asked. AJ drew a deep breadth as he squeezed her hand. “You knew?” she asked, shocked.

“I was hoping that you would never, ever remember that.” AJ whispered.

“I don’t remember anyone else being in the car with me.” She replied.

“You were losing a lot of blood. They were doing everything they could to save you.” AJ replied.

“I don’t understand.”

“Baby, you don’t have to understand. You went through so much back then and even now. You’re safe now.” AJ stated.

“Can we visit my father’s grave?” Ciara asked.

“Yes… how about I make us some breakfast while you take your turn in the shower?” AJ asked. Ciara nodded.

“Ciara, I am going to warn you. There’s a gravestone there with your name on it.” AJ said as they left the house.

“I know… it’s all right. Can we stop for some flowers for daddy?” Ciara asked.

“You’ve got it.” AJ replied and helped her into the car.

“Hello Mrs. Wilson.” AJ said as he led Ciara into the flower shop.

“Alexander, how are you? How’s your mother?” The older woman asked.

“She’s wonderful, thanks for asking. You remember Ciara, don’t you?” AJ said and introduced the two.

“Ciara? Nah, it can’t be… the last time I saw you, you were just a tiny little thing.”

“Mrs. Wilson… you make the most wonderful apple pies.” Ciara remembered as they shook hands.

“It is so good to see you again, Ciara. You’re looking wonderful.”

“Thank you Mrs. Wilson. Do you have any fresh daisies?” Ciara asked.

“Certainly…” Mrs. Wilson said and showed them to the flower case. “How many do you want, dear?” she asked.

“All of them.” Ciara replied as she went to get some money out of her purse. AJ stopped her.

“Here, Mrs. Wilson, I’ll help you with those.” AJ replied as he helped Mrs. Wilson take approximately four dozen daises up front to be wrapped.

“Thanks Mrs. Wilson.” Ciara replied as she went to pay for the flowers.

“No, no, dear… I know these are for your papa… I’ll say an extra prayer for you today. You take these because I want you to have them.” Mrs. Wilson replied.

“You are too sweet, Mrs. Wilson.” Ciara held back tears.

“You and Alexander come by for some Apple Pie tomorrow, okay?” Mrs. Wilson asked both of them.

“We will come by for dessert around seven tomorrow night?” AJ answered for them both.

“Mr. Wilson and I will see you around seven then.” Mrs. Wilson replied and gave them both a hug.

When they got to Ciara’s father’s tombstone, AJ helped her place the daisies at the foot of the tombstone and left her alone with her thoughts and prayers. Her name had been sanded out of the tombstone. AJ thought that her mother must have had that done, because he knew it was recently done.

After a half hour, AJ went back to her side. She was looking at a picture of her and Jarod with her dad.

“Ciara… you okay?” AJ asked as he watched her dig up a little earth and put the picture in it and cover it back up and lay some of the daisies over it.

“Just saying a proper goodbye to daddy.” She said as AJ handed her his handkerchief. She wiped her eyes as he helped her stand up. “Let’s go spend some time with your mom. Okay?” Ciara asked.

“You betcha. She would love to see you.” AJ smiled as he gave her a hug.

2001-09-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

"What happened?" Rachel asked. Ciara proceeded to tell Rachel the events of the day.

"I have some news of my own." Rachel said once Ciara was finished.

"Ooohhh, do tell." Ciara giggled.

"You know how Kev's been staying in my room and stuff?" Rachel giggled. She didn't have to say anymore.

"Oh my god… when did you two? How was it?" Ciara asked.

"Today… Brian and Howie and Nick went to the lake. Kevin and I stayed behind and talked and before we both knew it, we were in the shower, naked. It was amazing." Rachel explained.

"Oh My God! That's wonderful… I'm happy for you." Ciara exclaimed.

"Ciara… he told me he loved me today and he told me why, but the best part was he actually meant it. I could see it in his eyes and his expression. He couldn't wait to tell me after the guys left. He was so sweet. He sang to me and… wow… I'm falling and falling hard." Rachel said.

"Now I wish I was there so you and I could share some ice cream right now." Ciara laughed. Rachel joined in.

"No, you need this time with AJ and to get the rest of those memories back and fit the pieces together. We'll hook up in a week or so. If the guys let us." Rachel was so giddy. Ciara heard Kevin in the background say "Hey Baby… how about another shower."

"Uh oh… I'd better let you go." Ciara giggled.

"Okay… remember… listen to AJ… I've given him all instructions where your health is concerned." Rachel replied.

"Yes mother… go take a shower." Ciara said and hung up the phone as she laughed. Rachel wasn't one for falling so fast for a guy and to go as far as to… Ciara shook her head in disbelief… what was it about Kevin and AJ? Ciara smiled as she thought about AJ. He had indeed made her feel alive again and helped get her memory back. He cared about her and it didn't matter to him if she had a lot of baggage to deal with.

AJ returned with dinner a few minutes later.

"Hey… how did you make those?" Ciara laughed as she looked at the toasted cheese.

"Have you ever seen the movie `Benny and Joon'?" AJ asked.

"You so did not make these with an Iron." She giggled.

"Did so…" AJ replied and showed her the Iron. "Don't worry… I have a separate iron to smooth out my clothes." He explained.

"You, my friend, are insane." She laughed.

"We'll see what you say after you taste my sammich…" he winked at her and she blushed as he tore a piece of the sandwich off and fed it to her.

"Mmmm… what type of cheese is this?" she asked.

"Sliceable cheddar and Colby. It's awesome, isn't it?" AJ asked. Animal was heard coming into the room. "Uh oh… quick… hide the food." AJ laughed as he went and shooed the cat out of the room. "So… what did you and Rachel talk about?"

"You and Kevin… You do know that Kevin has fallen in love with her, right?" Ciara asked.

"As hard as a rock." AJ replied.

"K… just checking." Ciara replied. They finished dinner talking about AJ's relationship with the rest of the guys. AJ put a movie in for them to watch after that in which Ciara was asleep twenty minutes later.

"Daddy!" Ciara screamed as she woke herself up from a nightmare.

"Ciara… ssshhhh, it's all right." AJ said as he comforted her. She cried in his arms as they laid back down in the bed and fell back to sleep.

2001-09-13T19:47:00.000-04:00

"Jarod, she wants to go to the crash scene." AJ said the next morning. He called Jarod as soon as he got up. Tara was still sleeping. He had gone down to the kitchen for coffee when he decided to call Jarod's office.

"Boy, she's really pressuring herself, isn't she?" Jarod countered, "Do you think she can handle it?"

"I still can't handle it, J. I don't know how she'll react when we get there." AJ admitted.

"Explain that to her. Maybe then it'll ease both your fears." Jarod suggested.

"You think it'll work?" AJ wondered.

"No. She's stubborn." Jarod and AJ both laughed. "Look, Alex. Maybe having her with you will help you deal… you know, help you accept it." Jarod tried to be supportive.

"Have you been back there?" AJ asked.

"Yes, several times. Had to come to terms with it myself." Jarod admitted.

"Okay, okay… I'll go. But I won't like it." AJ said as he looked at his watch.

"I've got a meeting to get to AJ. One of you call me later and tell my sister I love her." Jarod said quickly.

"Okay man. Thanks for the chat. See ya." AJ replied.

After AJ got off the phone, he went to wake up Ciara to start the day.

"Are we here?" Ciara asked as AJ parked the SUV in a parking lot. He knew if he drove to the exact spot, he wouldn't be able to drive away.

"I thought we'd walk. I'll handle it better." AJ explained.

"Okay." Ciara said and went to get out of the car.

"Wait a second." AJ said placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"You're not getting cold feet, are you? Because if you are, I can go by myself." Ciara offered. She was feeling brave enough to go. She wanted to go… she felt she had to go. She owed it to herself to go.

"No… I was thinking about you. This is big. Are you sure you can handle it. I mean you won't react like you did in New York… will you?" AJ asked.

"Well, we won' know unless we go take a look." Ciara told him.

"You sure?" AJ asked. He really was more concerned about her and her reaction than he was about his own.

"Yeah. Let's go." Ciara told him. They walked hand in hand to the scene. Ciara gripped AJ's hand tightly as the images came back to her.

"What are you remembering?" AJ asked.

"All the blood coming from daddy's head and face… the car spinning. I thought it would never stop." Ciara tried to explain. AJ held her in his arms.

"What else?" AJ encouraged her.

"Momma crying… You holding my hand and singing "I'll Never Let You Go" to me to calm me down. Jarod begging daddy to stay awake and telling you to keep me awake and to sing to me. I remember daddy telling me I couldn't go with him. That you and momma and Jarod needed me. I remember sirens and this man telling you you were doing very good and to keep singing to me. I was pinned behind daddy." Ciara stuttered.

"It's all right," AJ said to her as he remembered everything along with her.

"Well, no, it's not, but it's getting there." Ciara replied. After a few minutes, they walked back to the car. Once AJ opened the door for Ciara, she broke down in sobs. AJ held her in his arms and sang `I'll Never Let You Go' to her.

Ciara had now remembered the accident in its entirety and it hurt and depressed her deeply. The firefighters and paramedic had to cut through her father to get her out. But she didn't think anyone else knew because she didn't remember AJ, Jarod, or her mom still being in the car with her. She felt a wave of nausea come over her.

"I think I'm going to be sick Alex." Ciara told him as she got out of the SUV and knelt down. AJ got out with her, but quickly reached back in for the bottled water that he had brought with them. He wet his handkerchief and put it on the back of her neck.

After she got sick, AJ helped her back into the SUV without saying a word. She was asleep by the time they got back to the house. He did his best not to wake her after he went back for her once opening the door.

"Alex?" Ciara questioned a few hours later. She woke up a little disoriented for the last thing she remembered was being in the SUV with him.

"I'm here." Alex replied. The room was dark. Ciara had slept the rest of the afternoon and into the evening.

"What time is it?" she asked as she sat up.

"Late." AJ replied, checking the clock on the nightstand as he turned on the light. It read 9:28pm.

"Have you been there all this time in the corner?" Ciara questioned.

"Yes. How are you feeling?" AJ was worried about her. He had brought his laptop up and had emailed Jarod and Rachel as well as his mom and sent out some other email while she was sleeping.

"My head hurts." She admitted.

"You should eat something before you take anything for it. You're warm." AJ explained as he checked her forehead.

"I want to go to my father's grave." She told him as he took his hand away from her forehead.

"Tomorrow if you're feeling better. I don't think we both thought today would take as much out of both of us as it did. Now, how about a sammich? I make a mean toasted cheese." AJ grinned.

"I bet you do." Ciara thought she had said under her breath, but he heard that and held back a chuckle. "Um, I think I'll be able to eat that." Ciara replied. AJ went to get up from the bed when the phone rang. It was Rachel checking on them.

"Hi Rachel, I'll let you and Ciara talk." AJ quickly handed the phone to Ciara and went downstairs.

"You two okay?" Rachel asked after Ciara took over the phone.

"In a manner of speaking." Cara replied.

2001-09-13T19:46:00.000-04:00

Dinner conversation consisted of AJ explaining how he and his mom decorated his house and why some rooms weren't even decorated yet. Afterwards, they cleaned up the dinner dishes and AJ gave her a formal tour of the house. They ended up back in the bedroom, where AJ kept some old photos of them and such.

"Now, don't start looking at these until I come back. I'm just going to go get us some ice tea. I'll be right back." AJ stated and left her alone in the bedroom. She tried to wait for him and even threw an afghan over the albums and went to her backpack to take out some pen and paper.

AJ wasn't gone long.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked.

"Trying to occupy my time until you got back. It was hard." Ciara admitted.

"Well, I just didn't want you to become overwhelmed by memories. I think it would be easier on you if I was with you. I know you say you remember everything… well, I think these photos may help you place those memories." AJ explained. However, you have to promise me something."

"What?" Ciara asked.

"If this becomes too much, you'll stop. These photos aren't going anywhere. We can always come back to them another time."

"You've got a deal." Ciara said and opened the first album. The first few pages were of them playing in the pool. They were only four years old. Then came sleep over pictures. Ciara noticed over the next several pages that whenever they were sleeping, AJ had his arms wrapped protectively around her. She thought back to a few months prior when she and Rachel were at a party and some woman read her palm. Could the woman be right? Ciara was becoming reacquainted with her soulmate?

"… Ciara?" AJ said sternly.

"Huh? What?" Ciara snapped out of her daze.

"Where did you go? You okay?" AJ asked.

"I'm just noticing that in almost every picture that we're sleeping, I'm nestled safely in your arms." Ciara said and showed him the pictures.

"Really? I never noticed. Guess I loved you very much even when we were little. Maybe I was trying to protect you from what was to happen?" AJ said as he flipped the photo pages and began to see what she had seen.

Animal strutted into the bedroom.

"Do you want to continue?" AJ asked Ciara.

"Um, nah… not right now. I want to go to the scene of the accident." She said out of the blue.

"No way." AJ immediately replied. "I can't even bring myself to go there." AJ was adamant about not going.

"We can go together then. Please? It'll be good for both of us." Ciara replied. She wasn't giving in. She wanted to go.

"It's too late to go tonight." AJ countered.

"Then we'll go tomorrow. Right now though, I really just want to go to bed and fall asleep in your arms." Ciara replied.

"Sounds good to me. Let me just go and make sure the house is locked up. I'll be right back. C'mon Animal." AJ scooped up the cat and took him back downstairs.

Ciara changed into a night shirt and some pajama bottoms. The bruising from the car accident was a little deeper in color. She was checking it out when AJ returned.

"It'll be gone before you know it." AJ spoke from the doorway.

"I know, and it looks worse than I feel. I should call the mechanic tomorrow and tell him to junk the car. No point in fixing it. It's a junker." Ciara was solemn.

"You miss him, don't you?" AJ asked, referring to Rick.

"Not as much anymore. He'd want me to let the car go. That's what I'm doing. House all locked up?" she replied and then questioned. She really didn't want to talk about Rick.

"Yup. You forgot your pain meds though." AJ presented her with the bottle of prescription pills.

"Don't want them. The doctor said to take them only when I couldn't stand the pain. The pain's not too bad." Ciara explained.

"Well, okay. I'll leave them on the nightstand just in case." AJ replied as he stripped down to his boxers and wife-beater, then climbed into the bed and brought Ciara into his arms.

"Thanks for bringing me to Orlando, AJ." Ciara said before drifting off to sleep.

2001-09-03T19:03:00.000-04:00

When Ciara awoke, she could smell something being cooked. She let it lead her into the kitchen.

"Well, hello there sleepy head. How do you feel?" AJ asked.

"Rested. How long was I out?" she asked.

"About three hours. And I called Rachel and the guys and I told them we arrived safely. Nick's actually walking without anyone's help and in an upright position." AJ explained.

"That's great. So what are you making?" Ciara asked as she opened the large pot.

"Hey, don't look in there… I'm creating." AJ replied and lightly smacked her hand.

"But… I just wanna peak…" Ciara replied and batted her eyes at him. She knew he was making spaghetti sauce and therefore she knew he was making pasta and that the sauce had to be his mom's recipe.

"Okay… just a little taste." He gave in and gave her a small spoonful of the sauce. The taste sent Ciara into a tail spin as she closed her eyes to enjoy the taste of the sauce.

"Ciara???" AJ immediately asked. Ciara saw a memory flash before her. "What is it? What do you see?" AJ asked as he held onto her.

"We're at your mom's and she's giving us a taste of the sauce. She promises to teach me how to make it when I get older." Ciara smiled. That was a nice memory.

"Well, she still can, if you want. Or I could do it." AJ replied as Ciara opened her eyes to see him smiling.

"That was a nice memory. Can that simmer a while so we can go get some fresh veggies and some bread to go with that?"

"Already done. My mom dropped everything off for us while you were still napping." AJ replied as he opened the doors to his refrigerator.

"Did you get any sleep?" she asked.

"An hour or so… too excited to have you back in Orlando, I guess. I managed to get the voicemail and emails out of the way before mom came in with the groceries. Tonight, we relax and have a nice dinner." AJ explained as Animal walked into the kitchen meowing for attention.

"Aawwweee, what's the matter Animal… daddy need to feed you?" Ciara said as she picked up the cat. "Geez, AJ… he's heavy." Ciara said as she carefully put the cat back down. AJ proceeded to feed the cat.

"Can I help it if my mom spoils him when I'm gone?" AJ laughed, "How about I put some music on?" AJ suggested.

"That would be nice." She replied as she took the salad ingredients out of the refrigerator and began to make a salad. They fell into a comfortable silence as they fixed dinner together and then set the table together, laughing when they both went to move a fruit bowl.

2001-09-03T00:59:00.000-04:00

"AJ, I can't do this… I can't." Ciara said to AJ as they stood in Baggage Claim waiting for their luggage to come down the shoot.

"Don't back out on me now, babe… you can do this. I won't leave your side… besides, you'll get to see my mom again after all these years and then there's that date I promised you with Mickey and Minnie Mouse. But first, I want to take you to my house so you can take a nap. The plane ride took a lot out of you, didn't it?" AJ held Ciara as he spoke to her. He had this way of making her feel like they were the only two there in the Baggage Claim. She loved that feeling. She felt safe and secure in his arms.

"Yes, it did… I have to admit that. There's our luggage." Ciara noticed.

"Great… let me get it…" AJ replied as she went to grab a piece of luggage off the shoot.

When they got to his house, he immediately took her up to his bedroom.

"Animal… off the bed…" AJ said to this huge, white long-haired tabby cat.

"Animal? You named your cat animal?" Ciara giggled.

"He's huge… see him… Animal fits him… into bed with you. I'm going to go check email and voicemail and such… if you need anything, just yell." AJ replied.

"Can that stuff wait another hour or two? I'd really like it if you'd sleep with me." She replied.

"But baby… are we ready for that step yet?" he teased.

"You know what I meant, Alexander James." Ciara looked at him.

"Let me just make sure the front door's locked and then I'll be right back." AJ promised. When he returned, she was already asleep. AJ slid in next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He could feel the tension in her body give way once she felt him next to her.

2001-08-25T21:24:00.000-04:00

The next few days, Ciara spent mainly in bed in her room. She was quite sore from the accident still and was told to just rest by everyone in the house. The bruises to her skin weren't too visible except for the one on her forehead. Kevin and the rest of the guys kept AJ busy with some song writing after Rachel told AJ not to smother Ciara and that sleep was the best thing for her.

The day before she was to go do some public appearances, she finally got out of bed to pack and get some exercise.

"What do you think you're doing?" Rachel asked when she walked in on Ciara packing.

"Packing. What's it look like?" Ciara said, obviously still tender from the accident as she winced in pain.

"You're not going anywhere. I talked with Cameron about your accident. You have a very understanding publisher, publicist, and agent." Rachel explained.

"Rachel, I can do the book tour. I want to do the tour." She explained.

"Out of the question. Besides… AJ is taking you to Florida." Rachel replied.

"He's what!" Ciara didn't know whether to be pissed about no book tour or pissed about people running her life.

"Yeah, we think it will… uh-oh, you two didn't discuss it yet?" Rachel felt bad.

"No. Seems people have been scheduling my life around me lately." Ciara snapped.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I suggested he take you back to where you grew up. I thought it would help you." Rachel explained.

"I'm going back to bed." Ciara said as she pushed her suitcase off her bed. She suddenly felt ill. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back to Florida to where she grew up.

"Ciara?" Rachel asked. She noticed that Ciara had turned pale.

"Please just leave me alone." Ciara replied as she crawled back under the covers. As soon as Rachel closed the door behind her, Ciara began to cry. AJ came up twenty minutes later.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked as he held her.

"I can't go back there, AJ, please don't ask me to go." She cried.

"Where do you think I'm asking you to go?" he asked.

"Back to the places I knew as a child."

"Hey now, there's nothing to be afraid of." AJ lifted her chin. "This could help you more than you know. Besides, don't you want to spend some time alone with me, without the entourage?" AJ smiled at her.

"How long?" she asked. She had stopped crying and was calming down.

"A few days. You'll get to see my family again if you want. I can show off my house. We could go for walks on the beach. I could take you to Disneyworld, just you and me. Remember how we use to dream of going there, just you and me, without our parents?" AJ rattled on as he smiled.

"And how Jarod overheard us one day and every time we got on his nerves, he'd tell us we'd never make it to Disney World because we would never collect enough pennies to go so we began asking everyone for their extra pennies and such because you had planned on taking me there for my sixteenth birthday." Ciara commented.

"I've still got all the pennies. They're in a separate account accruing interest." AJ mumbled. Ciara turned to look at him.

"No way!" she replied.

"Yes, way… we had managed to collect seventy-two dollars and eleven cents. And it's been in a savings account ever since. And I have a separate jar for pennies that I continue to put in there. It's simply the penny fund. We could go and get it and I could take you to Disney World like we planned so long ago. Please, Ciara… Let me take you home." AJ so wanted to take her back to Orlando.

"Okay… you win. Let's go." Ciara agreed.

"Really?" AJ was taken aback a little. He was prepared to plead some more to go.

"Yeah, as long as nurse Rachel says it's okay." Ciara giggled.

"It's already been approved. When should we leave?" AJ asked.

"Tomorrow? I should spend some time with everyone today." Ciara did want to spend some time with the guys.

"Okay then, how about I go get us some plane tickets and I'll ask Rachel to come help you shower?" AJ suggested.

"That would be great, AJ. Thanks." She said.

"I can't wait for us to go home. Thanks for agreeing to go." AJ said and kissed her deeply.

2001-08-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

"How is she really, Rachel?" Jarod asked. Rachel had called him once she had finished with Nick.

"She's just fine. Hit her head on the steering wheel." Rachel explained and told him the whole story.

"Have her call when she's feeling better and thanks for calling me." Jarod replied once she was finished.

"You bet and assure the boys that she's just fine." Rachel reiterated before hanking up. By this time, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and Nick had gathered in the kitchen with Rachel.

"Seriously Rachel. She's okay?" Nick asked.

"Nicky, she's… guys… she's going to be just fine. She'll be sore tomorrow and she's got a headache, but the doctor said she's going to be fine. You can all peak in on here. She's probably asleep by now." Rachel said as she made herself a cup of tea. Kevin was concerned about her.

"Don't want to disturb her… it's just… well, you two have become like family to all of us in this short time that we've come to know you and…" Nick began.

"We were worried." Brian finished Nick's sentence.

"I promise you that she's going to be fine and I think it's sweet that you consider us family." Rachel replied.

"It's late, why don't we all get some sleep?" Kevin suggested. It was nearly midnight. The rest of the guys went up to bed. He stayed behind to talk with Rachel.

"You okay?" he asked. "I want the truth." He replied.

"Shaky… between what happened last night with work and on the way home and then C… I'm… shaky." She admitted. Kevin walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a big kevybear hug. "Thanks… I need this." She said as they stayed that way for a few minutes. They stayed in the kitchen and talked for a little while before finally going up to bed. Rachel had asked Kevin if he wouldn't mind sleeping in her room with her and he didn't object.

"Ciara…" AJ gently shook Ciara awake a little after four am.

"Sleepin'" she mumbled.

"C'mon… open your eyes for me." Rachel replied from the other side of the bed. Ciara wearily sat up and opened her eyes for Rachel.

"Thanks, C… just following doctor's orders." Rachel explained.

"I know… how's the bruising look?" Ciara asked, knowing that she had a bruise.

"What bruise?" AJ asked. He didn't really notice it although he did after she questioned them about it.

"It's not too bad." Rachel replied.

"AJ, that was sweet." Ciara looked at him.

"How do you feel? No nausea or dizziness?" Rachel asked.

"Nope, just sore, like I knew I would be." Ciara replied.

"Okay, what about your headache? Still there? More intense, less intense?" Rachel continued to question Ciara.

"Less, on a scale of one to ten, maybe a three." Ciara yawned.

"That's good. Go on back to sleep… I'll be back in a few hours.

"Only with my Ajbear." Ciara joked.

"Hey, I'm down with that." He answered her with a chuckle. He hadn't been called that in years.

"Okay, get some sleep… both of you." Rachel laughed as AJ and Ciara snuggled.

2001-08-25T21:21:00.000-04:00

"It's just a precaution. Especially with her injury history."

AJ, Howie, and Rachel watched as the paramedics took care of Ciara. A police officer was taking pictures down the road.

"Rachel, call and check on the rest of the guys." Ciara called out as she was loaded into the ambulance.

"I'm riding with, all right?" AJ asked Mac.

"Sure. I'm Mac. You must be AJ." Mac said as they shook hands. After the police took Ciara's statement, they were on their way to the hospital.

"Now Ciara… if it wasn't for the fact that your roomie is a nurse, I'd be keeping you overnight. Other than your headache, how do you feel?" the ER doctor asked.

"Sore, stiff." She admitted. The doctor ran a few more tests before releasing her in Rachel's care.

"AJ, I can walk." Ciara said as AJ carried her into the house.

"Amuse me, all right?" AJ replied.

"You'd better stop by the den. The guys are all still up." Howie said from the doorway.

"You okay?" Nick asked when AJ and Ciara entered the den.

"Just a headache, but I'm fine." She replied.

"Nick, I'm going to get her settled and then I'm going to check on you." Rachel explained as she came up behind them. Nick was feeling better, but he was still limping a bit.

"Okay." Nick replied.

Once Rachel left Ciara and AJ alone, AJ broke down and cried.

"Alex…" Ciara said softly.

"I could've lost you tonight." AJ replied.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, Alex. Not when we just found me again. It was stupid of me to take Rick's car. It was a habit for me to take it up the hill to visit his grave and the pond. I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen." Ciara said as she reached up to brush away the tears falling from his face.

"Just don't ever do something like this again." AJ said as he tucked her in.

"You're not going to cuddle with me?" she asked.

"I'm not going anywhere, but tonight, one of us has to be alert where you are concerned. Rachel and the doctor said that you need to be monitored." AJ explained.

"Rachel will be in here a dozen more times tonight. What I need is to be in your arms." Ciara argued.

"You know, I could never refuse you." AJ stated as he undressed down to his boxers and got into bed next to her.

2001-08-25T21:10:00.000-04:00

"Ciara!" AJ yelled when they came upon the car a few minutes later.

"Don't move her AJ!" Rachel yelled after him. He had bolted from the slowly moving vehicle and ran to Ciara's side. He managed to open the driver's side door.

"Alex?" Ciara asked as she rubbed her forehead. She also heard her cell phone ringing, but couldn't reach it. It had fallen to the side of the passenger's seat.

"Hey beautiful. What happened?" AJ asked her as he immediately looked to see if anything was visibly broken or if there was any blood.

"I forgot about the brakes in this jalopy. Decided to have a rail free roller coaster ride." She replied.

"Ciara… why do you do this to me?" Rachel asked as she got into the car from the other side. As she grabbed the cell phone and turned it off she asked Ciara, "Where are you hurt?"

"Um… I hit my head on the steering wheel and this seat belt has probably bruised my chest, but other than that, I think I'm okay." Ciara commented as Rachel took her pulse and checked her pupils. AJ held onto Ciara's left hand.

"Okay. Sit tight. Try not to move. I don't want to move you until help gets here. Mac and Jeff should be on their way. I called 911 as soon as we saw the rear end of the car." Rachel smiled.

"Okay, goober."

"That's Queen Goober to you!" Rachel replied.

"What can I do?" AJ asked.

"Get the blanket out of the trunk of my car and bring it back to me." Rachel said. After AJ went to Rachel's car, she turned to Ciara, "How's your head feel? You didn't lose consciousness did you?"

"No I didn't. It just hurts like I hit it on something. Honest." Ciara replied.

"This is serious. Don't lie to me. How about your tummy area?" Rachel continued to question.

"I think I'm just shaken a little, but nothing else hurts, Rach… honest." Ciara clasped Rachel's hand. They both knew that Ciara was susceptible to some pretty serious internal injuries and they were both worried.

"Okay, just relax." Rachel calmed down and replied. AJ returned with the blanket. Howie went down to the end of the road to look for the ambulance. Rachel helped AJ put the blanket on Ciara.

"Where's that ambulance?" AJ was getting worried.

"Hey know… they'll be here. It takes a little longer because we're farther out." Rachel explained to AJ.

"AJ… I'll be fine. How about you sing to me?" Ciara suggested as she grabbed his hand. He began to sing Time After Time. As he began the chorus, they all heard the sirens.

"Ciara! I thought you got rid of this wreck!" Ciara and Rachel heard their friend, Mac the paramedic, say.

"AJ, why don't we back off and let Mac and Jeff take over?" Rachel suggested as Howie came up to the car. AJ kissed Ciara's hand and got out of the way.

"Hi Mac. What are you doing? Working a double?" she asked. He usually worked the midnight to eight am shift.

"Yeah… what happened?" Mac asked as he took her vitals and Jeff checked for broken bones.

"Brakes finally gave out. I misjudged the turn and hit my head. The seat belt also dug into me. I think I may have bruised my chest from it. Rachel and the guys showed up a few minutes later." Ciara explained.

"Lose consciousness?" he asked as he fit her with a neck brace. AJ saw this and looked at Rachel for an explanation.

2001-08-25T21:02:00.000-04:00

"She said she'd be back in an hour. She just drove off." Howie replied.

Rachel went out to see which car she took. "Damn! AJ!!!" Rachel yelled as Kevin joined her and Howie out on the patio.

"What's wrong?" Kevin and Howie asked at the same time.

"She took Rick's car. It doesn't have very good brakes on it. She must've got to thinking about him. Kev… here's her cell phone number. Call that and keep calling it until she picks up." Rachel instructed.

"Someone call me?" AJ asked as he came into the kitchen.

"AJ, Howie… you're with me." Rachel tossed Howie her car keys.

"What's going on? Where are we going?" AJ asked.

"Ciara took Rick's car and it basically has no brakes. We need to go after her." Rachel explained, "I know when she takes that car that she's usually going up to the hill and pond where she and Rick would always go. The road she takes is pretty rough and there's a sharp turn onto a hidden road that is pretty nasty. We've got go!"

"Then let's go." AJ said.

"Kev, keep trying her celly. We'll call yours when we find her." Howie said as he, Rachel and AJ left the house.

Ciara wanted to visit Rick's gravesite. She wanted to clear her mind and think. She wanted to let him go so she could search her soul about her feelings for AJ and if they were real or not. So much had happened since going into the city with Rachel. She just wanted to get a perspective on everything that had transpired.

As she went to make the sharp turn onto the hidden road, the brakes finally gave and stopped catching. That's when she lost control of the car and hit a tree with the back driver's side of the car. It caused her to hit her head on the steering wheel as the safety belt pulled her back. She felt it dig into her chest.

2001-08-25T20:40:00.000-04:00

"He loves this… being outdoors and doing yard work." Howie said when he realized he was no longer alone on the patio.

"He use to pay Jarod to let him mow our yard until daddy caught on and then daddy would pay him." Ciara replied.

"Did Jarod get in trouble?" Howie asked.

"No. He saved all the money AJ would give him and gave it back to him. It helped AJ pay for a beautiful dress for his mom." Ciara smiled at that memory. Howie saw the tears form in her eyes.

"Are you all right? New memories just coming back?" Howie became concerned.

"It's so good to have these memories. I've gotten back a part of me that I knew was missing since I was fourteen and AJ brought it back." Ciara said as Howie put his notebook away. AJ had finished with the lawn and joined them on the patio deck.

"I bet you could use a shower." Ciara said as she handed AJ a cold glass of iced tea.

"Care to join me?" AJ winked at her.

"All that sun fry your brain Alex? You sure you don't have heat stroke?" Ciara teased back. She had really wanted to say yes, but didn't want Howie to know that she was already imagining AJ in the shower. AJ knew though and chuckled, "Ah, playing hard to get. That's all right… we'll play later." He whispered in her ear before leaving the kitchen.

"Man… he's fallen hard." Howie said as he watched AJ leave the room.

"Howie!" Ciara replied.

"Well, it's true. We all see it. He's got this added spark to his shtick now." Howie looked at Ciara. "He's falling in love with you. Question is… how do you feel about him?" Howie looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Howie, I will not discuss this with you." She replied, "I need to go do something. I'll be back in an hour." She said before going into the house, grabbing her purse from the closet and leaving Howie on the patio wondering what he had just done to make her run off.

"Where's Ciara?" Rachel asked as Howie entered the kitchen a few minutes later.

2001-08-25T20:35:00.000-04:00

"Uh oh… looks like you two were found out." Ciara stated when she saw AJ and Howie. It looked like they had been running. Their clothes were disheveled and Howie's hair was a mess.

"Yeah we were." AJ stated.

"Don't worry. The police managed to let us make a clean getaway." Howie added.

"Noooo!" They all heard Rachel scream.

"Guys… stay here." Ciara replied and ran up to Rachel's room. She cracked open the door to find Kevin comforting Rachel. She went back to the kitchen.

"Rachel okay?" Brian immediately asked. Ciara could tell he was deeply worried about her.

"She will be. So… who wants to help me make a cake?" Ciara asked as she put her apron back on. AJ couldn't help thinking how sexy it would be for Ciara to just have the apron on and nothing else. "McLean… get your mind out of the gutter!" she laughed as she patted the right side of his face with a flower-covered hand.

"Huh? Oh, sorry." AJ blushed.

"You, my friend, need to go play with the guys for a while. Let me finish getting this baking urge out of me, all right?" Ciara said as she leaned in for a kiss.

"I think I'm going to go do some yard work. Mac and your neighbors won't mind, will they?" he said. He figured if he'd put the house between them, it would help him fight the urge to grab her in his arms and do more than just kiss her.

"Go ahead… I'll be in here for a little while longer. I think Howie had said something about getting some writing done out on the patio." She wiped away the flour from his face and kissed him again. AJ quickly left the room after Ciara had noticed the effect she had on him.

As she finished baking and cleaning up, Brian and Nick played video games. Kevin entered the kitchen around three that afternoon.

"Hi Kevin… where's Rachel?" Ciara asked.

"She's taking another shower. Said she needed some along time." He replied as he sat down at the counter.

"Hungry?" Ciara questioned. She knew how Rachel was and knew not to dwell on it.

"Yeah, I am actually. The smells alone were giving me hunger pains." Kevin admitted.

"Well, it just so happens that there's some left over chicken in the fridge. Let's get you and Rachel some good food before I let you two have any cookies." Ciara suggested. Kevin nodded as she began making a tray of food for them. She also made some tea for Rachel. "Now go on back up there, get her to eat and then convince her to come and join civilization." Ciara said and handed Kevin the tray of food. After Kevin thanked her, she cleaned up the kitchen and joined Howie out back on the deck. Howie was still writing away and AJ was now trimming the lawn.

2001-08-13T20:31:00.001-04:00

Brian and Nick were in the den. Nick was moving better but not on his own so Brian continued to be Nick's better half. They wandered out to the kitchen as Ciara took the second tray of cookies out of the oven.

"I was wondering when you two would show." She laughed. "Nick, how's your back?"

"Getting better, thanks." He smiled in appreciation.

"Have a seat you two. You can try the cookies out for me." Ciara said as she set a plate of cookies down on the breakfast bar and poured a few glasses of milk for them.

"These are delicious, Ciara. How did you get them so chewy?" Nick asked after he ate a few cookies.

"Yeah, they're wonderful." Brian replied.

"One of the few good things my mom taught me was how to make a good chocolate chip cookie." She smiled for them and continued to make cookies until AJ and Howie returned a half hour later.

2001-08-13T20:31:00.000-04:00

"Ciara? It's Mac." Ciara's phone rang a little after nine that morning as she and AJ were waking up.

"Mac? What's up?" she asked. Mac was a paramedic and a friend of hers and Rachel's who came over from time to time to help with the yard work.

"Rachel okay?" Mac asked. She mouthed over to AJ that she would be a few minutes as he got up and went to the bathroom.

"What do you mean?" Ciara asked as she got up to make the bed with her free hand. Mac told her what had happened overnight. When he was done, Ciara thanked him for calling and hung up the phone, looking for a moment over at the picture of her and Rachel together at a Richard Marx concert. She went over to the bathroom door and knocked on it. AJ was brushing his teeth.

"Rach had a bad night. I need to go check on her. I'll meet you downstairs?" she asked. AJ responded by nodding.

"Rach?" Ciara knocked softly on the door before opening it. She saw Rachel wrapped in Kevin's arms and knew that Rachel would be all right.

Ciara went down to the kitchen and made some coffee.

"How's Kevin like his coffee?" she asked as Howie and AJ sauntered in.

"Uh black and with a teaspoon of sugar." Howie replied.

"Where is he?" AJ asked.

"Taking care of Rachel for me." Ciara replied. She made both AJ and Kevin a cup of coffee and poured some for Howie as well before taking Kevin's up to Rachel's room. When she knocked again, Kevin opened the door.

"Hi Ciara." He whispered.

"Hi. I thought you could use this. She'll be out pretty much most of the day. I've got a monitor if you want. You can listen for her from any room of the house. With everything she and I have been through, the monitor comes in handy." She explained. When she was bedridden because of the kidney problems, Rachel had bought a baby monitor so that she or anyone else who was over could hear if Ciara needed them for anything from whereever they were.

"Nah. I promised her I'd stay. She was pretty much out of it earlier and she sobbed pretty hard. She must have really had a rough night last night. I just wish I could do more." Kevin replied.

"Yeah, she had a rough one last night. A mutual friend called me to let me know. Hence the suggestion for the monitor. I usually put the CD player on for her when this happens. It helps her sleep better. Can I bring you anything? Breakfast? A book?" Ciara offered.

"Thanks, but I'm all right." Kevin insisted.

"Okay then. Thanks for being here for her." Ciara kissed him on the cheek and turned to leave.

"Could you please explain to Brian what's going on. I don't want him to think that anything happened between her and I." Kevin asked.

"Sure, not a problem. And I'll have one of the guys bring you up a tray of breakfast and such." Ciara replied before returning to the kitchen.

She helped AJ make breakfast for everyone and then shooed all of the guys out of the kitchen so that she could do some baking. She ended up sending AJ and Howie to the store for more ingredients because she wanted to make a few batches of cookies and a cake. She made sure she wrote down the directions to the grocery store for AJ and Howie before sending them on their way.

2001-08-13T20:29:00.000-04:00

"You okay?" AJ asked once they were behind closed doors. He handed her a tissue.

"Yeah… I'm just tired. I'm going to go change. You okay?" she replied. AJ nodded.

"Once they were both ready for bed, Ciara turned off the lights and crawled into AJ's waiting arms.

"C… we're leaving." Bobby woke up his sister the next morning. Ciara looked at the clock. It was just before five am.

"Thanks for coming to see me." Ciara hugged the twins, "I'll see you soon." She told them. They left as quietly as they entered. Ciara didn't know why, but she started to cry softly. AJ heard her and pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Hey now, no tears. They're safe and will be fine with Jarod and his family." AJ whispered in her ear.

"I know… I just miss them already." She replied. She turned around and buried her face into his chest as they both fell back to sleep.

Rachel returned to a quiet house. She checked on Nick and then went to take a shower.

Kevin heard her hesitate at his door as she walked by. He hadn't slept well all night. He had a feeling something was wrong with her and couldn't explain it. He believed he was just being silly.

It had indeed been a hard night for Rachel. The patient she was in charge of had died and while she was on her way home from the assignment, she witnessed a head on collision in which three children were killed. It ripped her heart out as she had tried to help save the children's lives, but couldn't. She knew she'd have to report to the Psych department before she would get her next assignment. She stripped out of her clothes and tried to drown her tears in the shower. Praying that she wouldn't wake anyone else up in the process.

Kevin heard Rachel step into her shower. Man how he had wanted to join her in it, but he knew it was too soon.

After twenty minutes, Kevin became worried. He went to check on her. He had no problem getting into her room, she left it unlocked.

"Rachel?" he asked. As he closed the door, he found her terrycloth robe on a chair and went to her bathroom door. He heard her sobbing. "Rachel?" he asked again. When she didn't answer, he put the robe down, grabbed the towel from the bar on the shower door and opened the shower door. He found Rachel crouched down, sobbing, as the water beat at her back.

Kevin turned off the shower and covered her tiny frame with the towel. Her whole body shook as she continued to sob. Kevin didn't say anything as he scooped her up and took her out of the shower.

Rachel let him dry her off and put her robe on her before he put her to bed. When he went to get out of her bed to sit in the overstuffed chair next to it, she managed to speak.

"Please, don't go. Stay here with me. I need you to hold me, Kevin." She said in a soft voice.

"I won't go anywhere." Kevin told her and got back under the covers with her. He held her and brushed her hair back away from her face as she sobbed. He gave her a few light kisses on the top of her head from time to time as she slowly cried herself to sleep.

2001-08-13T20:28:00.000-04:00

"I think that I'm going to call it a night. The boys and I will be heading home in the morning. It's been fun." Jarod explained.

"I think I'll walk you up." Ciara said. She gave AJ a look.

"Yeah, me too." AJ said. "Goodnight guys." AJ, Ciara, and Jarod all said to the rest of the guys.

"Well that was suttle." Jarod stated when the three of them got upstairs. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What was suttle?" AJ asked.

"The look she gave you. You remember that look. After all, you came up here with us." Jarod pointed out.

"What look?" Ciara asked. She and AJ really weren't sure what he was talking about.

"You're `AJ, I'm queen' look." Jarod continued to laugh.

"Can I help it if she's got me wrapped around her little finger?" AJ shrugged, holding back a chuckle. He was being truthful and he didn't mind a bit that he was wrapped around her little finger, although he wouldn't mind being wrapped around her other body parts as well.

"She's got you wrapped period. Okay you two, but the time you get up in the morning, we'll be gone. AJ, take care of my sister and we'll see you both in Boston." Jarod and AJ hugged.

"See ya man. Take it easy." AJ replied.

"And you, young lady… have I told you how proud I am of you lately?" Jarod asked.

"You don't have to. I know you are as I am of you. You'll let me know if you need any help with the boys. I mean it. Any help whatsoever." Ciara shook her finger at her brother.

"Hey… AJ's the one you've got wrapped…" Jarod teased her as he pulled her into a hug. "I promise I will. I love you. Take good care of AJ like I know you will. Nite nite froggy." He kissed her on her forehead. She started to cry.

"Now I know why you called me that. Daddy use to. You said it was because of the way my voice sounded when I got off the ventilator but I knew back then that there was more to it." She explained. AJ rubbed her back as Jarod held her in his arms for a few minutes.

"Do you remember why dad called you froggy?" he asked. She shook her head. "He called you froggy because when you had come home from pre-school one day before Halloween, you told everyone that you were going to be a frog for Halloween and that you wanted dad to be the princess. He called you froggy ever since." Jarod gave her the explanation.

"Thanks Jarod. You always made me feel normal and special at the same time and you just did it again. Good night big brother. I love you too." She said. AJ tugged on her hand lightly as she let him lead her to her room.

2001-08-13T20:27:00.000-04:00

AJ took her into his lap and wouldn't let her up so that he could bury his head in her back.

"AJ, it's not that bad!" Ciara replied.

"You haven't been in here listening to Jarod tell them everything." AJ laughed.

"Oh no… what has he told them?" Ciara began to wonder.

"I particularly like how the two of you were outside playing one morning when the school bus went by and decided to get on it because you wanted to see Jarod because Ciara missed her big brother and wanted to go to school to be just like him." Nick said as he tried not to laugh.

"Oh my gosh… I was so upset… I stood in the middle of the hallway and screamed because they wouldn't go find you Jarod. And Alex just stood off to the side and said `you'd better get Jarod, she can do this for hours'." Ciara said as she AJ chimed in at the end. They both laughed hysterically.

"He wasn't kidding. I was out at lunch and one of my friends came over to me and said that he thought he heard you screaming in the hall for me. I went running to the principal's office and there you were. You two always got into trouble together. Always." Jarod said when the laughter died down.

"Hey, sometimes you helped. Remember when we were at the zoo with daddy for the day and he told you to keep an eye on us while he went to the bathroom and you were flirting with some girl." Ciara mentioned.

"Oh no." Jarod replied.

"Yeah, and you told us to sit over next to the monkeys and you went after that girl." AJ added.

"Oh boy, we all got in trouble that night." Jarod laughed as he remembered that incident.

"You chick magnet you!" Ciara teased her big brother.

"How did you manage to put up with these two? Because if they were like that when they were younger, God only knows what kind of trouble those two are going to get into nowadays." Kevin wondered aloud.

"Back then, it wasn't putting up with them. I was protecting them. I learned a lot back then before dad died. When dad couldn't be around, I was the protector, the one that took care of them when they weren't with AJ's mom. One of the things I learned is that family is always there for you no matter what. The only regret I have from after dad died is that mom wouldn't let AJ or his mom see us and we couldn't see them. I wasn't allowed to even mention AJ and his mom. I believed AJ could help Ciara and he has, he brought my sister back to me. The one I knew when I was still a kid myself." Jarod looked away from the group.

"Hey now… no looking back at what could have been, all right?" Ciara went over to her brother. "We didn't turn out too bad. I'm getting more and more of my memory back everyday. We are still a family and now, we've added to it." Ciara said and pointed to all of the guys. "Right guys?" she asked them.

"Right." They all replied. Jarod managed a smile.

2001-08-13T20:25:00.000-04:00

"Oh, hi Brian." Ciara replied. Brian sat down next to her. "So what do you think of the area around here?"

"Nice and peaceful. Quiet. Reserved. And it's beautiful." He admitted.

"But?" she asked.

"But, I think I've lost my chance with Rachel." Brian told her.

"I don't think you truly ever had one, Bri." Ciara told him.

"She's really drawn to Kevin, Brian. I can't explain it. She and I truly haven't had a chance to talk in depth since we all met at the studios in Times Square, just be happy for Kevin and her. You'll find someone someday." Ciara tried to sound positive.

"I know that. I do… so, did AJ behave himself tonight?" Brian asked, changing the subject.

"Yes he did. He even handled the inquisition from Eddie and Bobby pretty well." Ciara laughed.

"That's cool. Oh, speaking of your brothers… the rest of us guys sorta invited Jarod and the rest of your family to our Boston shows in June. I hope that was all right." Brian told her.

"The kids will love it Brian. Thank you." Ciara sipped her tea. "How's Nick doing? Better?"

"Yeah, he's just really embarrassed about falling down the stairs the other day. He'll be fine."

"Hey you two… what are you doing out here? Conspiring against the rest of us?" Howie teased as he entered the kitchen.

"Not exactly. Hey Howie." Ciara replied.

"Do you know that your brother is out there right now telling us stories of you and AJ from when you were the twins' age?" Howie questioned.

"Lord help us." Ciara giggled. "I'd better get out there and help AJ handle the ribbing." She said.

"Wait… Ciara… thanks for the words." Brian stopped Ciara from getting up by placing his hand on hers.

"You're welcome Brian. Anytime." She replied and gave him a smile before leaving the room.

"Brian… what are you doing? She's Bone's man… leave her be." Howie warned.

"I'm not doing anything. Just finding out where I stood with Rachel." Brian replied. He and Howie followed Ciara into the other room.

2001-08-13T20:23:00.000-04:00

As Ciara made herself some tea, she paged Rachel's cell phone and left the number so that Rachel would call back. She did.

"How'd it go?" Rachel asked her immediately.

"My brothers are very nosy." Ciara tried not to laugh as she remembered the events of the evening.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.

"They asked a lot of questions and were very blunt and asked us if we were on a date."

"Well?" Rachel asked.

"AJ says we were." Ciara told her.

"Did he kiss you?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, right in front of the boys."

"And?" Rachel prodded.

"And what… it was nice and it annoyed the boys. Besides, it's not like he and I haven't kissed before." Ciara explained.

"Okay, just checking." Rachel replied.

"Anything new there?"

"Nope, but you gotta help me. How do I explain to Brian that I'm not interested in him in anything more than a friend?" Rachel asked.

"You haven't said anything yet? What are you waiting for? A light bulb?" Ciara asked.

"I don't want to hurt his feelings, I just really, really wanna see if there is anything between me and Kevin and where it may end up." Rachel replied.

"What are you going to do next week when I leave for three days and all the guys are here? You're going to have to tell Brian and the sooner, the better."

"I know. Look, I've got to go, one of my patients need me. Don't stay up all night writing, okay?" Rachel asked.

"Not if AJ can help it, I won't. Good night." Ciara said and hung up the phone. She finished making her tea and sat at the breakfast bar sipping it slowly and replaying the night's events.

Ciara smiled as she remembered the events that occurred earlier in the evening. She laughed as she remembered how protective her younger brothers seemed as they questioned AJ about every little thing.

"Penny for your thoughts." Brian asked Ciara as he had entered the kitchen to get something to drink and noticed that she was deep in thought.

2001-08-05T00:16:00.000-04:00

When AJ woke up, Ciara was asleep on the window seat. He looked at the clock. It was almost ten. AJ decided to try to move her to the bed, but ended up waking her up instead.

“Hey!” Ciara said as AJ had her in mid-air.

“Good morning, how are you?” AJ asked as he put her back down.

“Half asleep. Some guy is trying to move me from the comfortable position I was in.” she replied as she rubbed her eyes.

“It’s nearly ten. We shouldn’t sleep the day away.” AJ explained.

“That late already… my… time flies when you’re sleeping… give me a little while longer?” she asked as she crawled back into bed. AJ followed her.

“No way angel eyes… time to rise and shine.” AJ said and took the pillows away from her.

“Pita.” She replied and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Don’t stick that out unless you intend to use it.” AJ laughed and hit her with a pillow. She grabbed it and hit it back, thus a pillow fight had started.

Bobby and Eddie heard the commotion and knocked on the door as they heard their sister scream with laughter. The boys looked at each other and grabbed some pillows and joined in on the fun.

“Hey… no fair! Three on one!” Ciara cried out after a few minutes when she realized she was getting hit by all three guys.

Jarod was standing in the doorway taking picture after picture of the four of them engaged in the pillow fight.

“What’s going on in here?” Rachel and Howie joined Jarod at the door. “We could hear all this commotion down in the kitchen.”

“Sorry… we were just having some fun Aunt Rachel.” Eddie replied as he and Bobbie sat at the foot of the bed.

“But they started it.” Bobby added, pointing to AJ and Ciara.

“Hey… don’t rat on your sister.” AJ said and threw a pillow at Bobby.

“Okay… well, Ciara… you need to call your agent about a possible book signing and boys… I thought you were going to show the guys some trails.” Rachel said. She knew how important this book tour was to Ciara.

“Great, thanks. Okay boys… go show the guys the trails. AJ and I are taking you out to a movie tonight so don’t have too much fun.” Ciara said to her brothers as they each gave her a hug before leaving the room.

“We’re taking them to a movie?” AJ asked as soon as everyone left the room.

“Think of it as time away from everyone else… those two will leave us alone if we give them soda, popcorn, and candy.” Ciara replied.

“I’m all for that then.” AJ said and kissed her passionately.

“Gotta start the day… you want the shower first?” Ciara asked.

“Thanks… but ladies first.” AJ insisted, “Besides, I need to check in with my mom and see how she’s doing.”

“Okay… tell her I said hi.” Ciara said and went to take her shower.

Once showers were taken and calls were made, AJ watched another tape of Ciara in rehab while Ciara got some writing done. Nick was reading a book as he couldn’t do much with being so clutzy that he put himself back on the couch after falling down the stairs.

Before they knew it, it was nearly dinner time. Rachel had to work that night so Jarod had offered to cook when the boys and Howie and Kevin and Brian returned. Brian was a little sunburned and Howie and Kevin teased him for it.

Ciara and AJ took the boys to the movies after dinner and had a great time. Afterwards they went to the ice cream parlor.

“AJ? What was our sister like when she was our age?” Eddie asked. AJ looked at Ciara as she blushed. She could see the mischievous sparkle in AJ’s eyes.

“Well, she was the brightest person I knew. Had a great throwing arm for baseball and could shoot a basketball pretty good. She also helped your mom and my mom make some pretty mean chocolate chip cookies. Do you guys like chocolate chip cookies?” AJ asked them. Both boys nodded.

“They inhale them.” Ciara said.

“Can’t help it. You make them so good.” Bobby replied.

“For that you get to have a large ice cream sundae.” Ciara told Bobby. They all laughed.

AJ and Ciara split a banana split while Bobby and Eddie each got ice cream cones. Luckily, no one took notice to AJ as he didn’t stick out. He was dressed in a button down blue and white striped shirt with a pair of khakis and dockers.

“Is this a date for you two?” Bobby asked as they were walking back to the car.

“Boy, you two are just full of questions, aren’t you?” Ciara asked them.

“We’re your brothers, we’re suppose to be.” Eddie replied.

“Smart ass.” Ciara let that slip.

“Takes one to know one.” Eddie shot back.

“Hey now mister. You want to live to see your next birthday?” Ciara teased. Eddie and Bobby got into the car and tried not to laugh.

“Your brothers are good kids. I like them.” AJ said as he opened the door for her. Before she got into the car, he kissed her, “And yes, this is a date.” He told her.

“Eewww…” the boys said from the back seat.

“Quiet back there or you’ll be walking home through the woods.” AJ teased as he closed Ciara’s door.

The boys ran to Jarod the moment they got back and told him all about the evening out with Ciara and AJ before they went to bed. Ciara and AJ joined the rest of the guys in the living room.

“What are you guys doing?” Ciara asked.

“Just chilling. This place is so cool and calm and relaxing.” Brian replied.

“Did Rachel check in?” Ciara asked.

“Just missed her call.” Kevin told her.

“I’m going to go make myself some tea. Anyone want anything?” Ciara asked. The guys all politely replied with “no thanks” as AJ sat down on the couch next to Nick. When Ciara was out of earshot, Howie told AJ that it was obvious that he had it bad for Ciara. AJ didn’t object as he fixed his eyes on the kitchen.

2001-07-29T14:12:00.000-04:00

Kevin, Howie, Rachel, and Ciara were all sitting in the kitchen playing Uno when AJ and Jarod returned an hour later. Rachel checked her watch, it was a quarter to ten.

"Uh oh, time for the twins to go to bed." Jarod said as he looked at his watch. AJ took Ciara's hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Jarod told me about that first year after the accident Ciara. He opened my eyes to your mother's actions and your coma and your rehab. I wish I would have been there for you, C. I should have been there for you." AJ began to cry. Ciara took her hand to his face.

"We're not going to rehash this AJ. It's done and over with. Okay. Let's move on." Ciara asked of him.

"I can't help it. It just hurts so much to know what you went through." AJ told her. Ciara pulled him into an embrace.

"Excuse me, C…" Eddie had gone into the kitchen to say goodnight to his sister.

"Hey Eddie… did you have fun with Nick and Brian?" she asked.

"They're cool. I just wanted to say goodnight." Eddie said and gave his sister a hug.

"Good night? Hey, where's Bobby?" she wondered.

"Jarod took him upstairs. He was asleep on the couch." Eddie giggled.

"You won't be laughing when he wakes your sorry butt up in the morning." Ciara laughed with him.

"I know, but I can't help it. Good night AJ." Eddie said.

"Goodnight sport." AJ said.

Jarod was in the dining room talking with Rachel and Kevin while AJ and Ciara continued to talk in the kitchen.

"Just a lot to help me understand you a little better, like why didn't you tell me it took you two years to be able to walk without crutches, or a walker, or even a cane? That you became a book worm and couldn't get enough of reading. That you barely watched TV, and you would write for hours on end? I want to know these things. I want to know everything I possibly can about you and the years I missed." AJ explained.

"AJ, I feel the same way about you. Please… we just met again after all this time last Friday. I'm still finding the person I was long ago. Things are so complicated and hard to explain. I want to tell you everything, I do… but in my own time. Can you understand that?" Ciara asked him.

"Yes, I can and I do. I guess I'm just impatient and I want to know everything right now. Can you blame me?" AJ asked.

"Of course not, just remember, I want us to take things slow, for my sanity, we need to." Ciara told him.

"So can I get you to tell me about the two years it took you to walk again?" AJ asked.

"How about I show you?" Ciara suggested. She still had the videotape of it. She had several weeks worth because she felt that if she were to keep going at it, she would need those to remind her to keep going.

"Hey you two… we were going to watch a movie, wanna watch with us?" Howie came into the room.

"Um, sure…" Ciara suggested.

"Uh, Howie… can we take a raincheck? We're in the middle of something." AJ told his friend.

"Sure…" Howie said and returned to the living room.

"Okay then. Come with me." Ciara took AJ's hand and led him to the den.

"This first tape is the hardest tape for me to watch, but it's what kept me going the most." Ciara explained as she plopped the tape in.

The first tape showed her trying to maintain her balance while sitting up because she still couldn't feel below her stomach although everything moved. She still had some swelling in her spine. It was like she was a baby again and was learning all over again. The only time she could feel anything was when she concentrated hard enough on what she was doing to her legs. It then showed her going to therapy and learning to roll over and how to use the wheelchair, and then it showed her trying to stand. By that time it was nearly four-thirty and they were both crying.

"If I had been there, you'd have been running after me that first day." AJ laughed as they both wiped their eyes.

"Probably so, Alex… probably so. C'mon, it's late… we need some sleep." She replied.

Once AJ was asleep, Ciara snuck out to talk with Jarod about her memories, their mom, and their brothers. Jarod was up… he was always up at five am. That was his quiet time before the hectic day began. They talked out on the patio so as not to wake anyone else up. Brian and Nick had fallen asleep in the den playing video games and Kevin and Howie were each asleep in their own rooms. Rachel was called into the hospital to cover for a few hours and would be back around nine am or so.

"He is so much in love with you Ciara. He hasn't changed a bit." Jarod said as they ended their hour-long conversation.

"I know. And I think that I'm falling in love with him again as well, but we just found each other a week ago. I'm afraid that as my memories become more and more intense that I'm going to drive him away."

"That's not possible. Not with how he feels about you." Jarod explained.

"What are you? My girlfriend?" Ciara teased her brother.

"I was the only one you would talk to about everything for the longest time, remember." Jarod replied.

"I do. I do… and thanks for coming out here. For calming my fears, for being there." Ciara gave her brother a hug.

"I am so glad you've got your memory back. So glad. Now, I have some more news for you. You think you can handle some more news?" Jarod asked.

"Yes. I can."

"Susie and I are going to have another baby and Dan has asked that we be temporary guardians over the boys while he focuses on mom. He and the boys discussed this and it's what they want. Susie and I want to do this, but we wanted you to be aware of it."

"I think the boys are better off with you and Susie and I couldn't be happier. I'm glad the boys want to be with you. That's the best news next to you having another child I could get now that I have my memory back. What can I do to help? Do you need some money for the boys? How about if all of you take a few days to the Cape or something?"

"No… no… we're all right, but thank you for offering. The boys still have the same rules at our house that they did at mom and Dan's the only difference is that they set the rules and they added a few more. And they are so great with Amy. So protective of her. It's like their brother/sister instead of uncle/niece."

"I'm glad and proud of those two. And I'm glad they didn't know the mom we did when we were younger." Ciara said after she yawned.

"Go on back to bed. How much of that tape did you two watch anyway last night?" Jarod said.

"The first tape… all of it. How did you know?"

"I came to say goodnight and you both were in the den watching it. I can't believe you kept it." Jarod said.

"I've kept them all. They're what motivates me when nothing else does. To know what I overcame all those years ago just motivates me to keep going." She yawned again.

"Good… now go back to bed. The boys and I will stay around for another night and we'll leave tomorrow. How about you and AJ taking them to a movie tonight?" Jarod suggested.

"I think that would be fantastic. See you in a few hours." Ciara gave her brother a hug and went back to bed.

2001-07-24T20:53:00.000-04:00

Ciara and Jarod joined everyone for dinner out on the patio. After dinner, Brian and Nick offered to play video games with the twins. They looked to Rachel and Ciara for permission.

"All right, but just until nine." Ciara gave in. "Nick and Brian have to go to bed early tonight." She teased, getting everyone to laugh.

"You are so easy when it comes to those two?" Rachel said to Ciara.

"Who do you mean? Brian and Nick, or the twins?" Kevin added. Everyone who was still out on the patio laughed.

"Well, I've got kitchen duty tonight. Jarod, why don't you and AJ go for a walk. I'm going to be an hour or so." Ciara wanted to give her brother and AJ a chance to get reacquainted.

"I'll help with the kitchen." Kevin offered.

"Cool… Thanks Kev" Rachel replied as she began cleaning off the table.

"How about that walk AJ?" Jarod asked.

"Sure. We won't be too long." AJ gave Ciara a kiss on the cheek as he passed her to follow Jarod down the garden path. She blushed.

"Howie, why don't you go see what the guys are playing?" Ciara suggested.

"I figure with the four of us cleaning up after dinner would be faster than two. Right, Rach?" Howie replied as he grabbed the pitcher of ice tea and a few glasses.

"Right Howie." Rachel replied. She came out with a sponge to wipe down the table and chairs. Kevin began rinsing the dishes and Ciara was putting away the salad and condiments. When Ciara noticed Kevin wasn't sure how to load the dishwasher, she went out and got Rachel to go in and show him how to do it. Howie went and found several decks of cards. He also found some Uno cards.

"Hey! What are you doing with NSYNC Uno cards?" he asked the girls.

"All right… you caught me… I'm in love with Joey." Ciara replied with a straight face. True, she like NSYNC, but she wasn't HOT for any of the guys in the group.

"You can't be serious? What about the past week with AJ?" Howie asked, suddenly worried about AJ. Ciara laughed.

"Howie, I'm allowed to enjoy other music besides yours." She teased. "And my niece swears that she and Lance will be married one day."

2001-07-23T23:00:00.000-04:00

“Ciara? Nick? Dinner’s ready?” AJ went to check on the two napping people in the living room nearly two hours later.

“AJ?” Ciara asked as she rubbed her eyes.

“Yeah… c’mon… you both should eat something.” AJ said.

“How long were we out?” Nick asked.

“Nearly two hours. How are you feeling?” AJ asked Nick.

“Like I fell down the stairs. Everything hurts.” Nick admitted. AJ helped him up.

“Well, wish I could take away the pain, buddy, but I can’t. C’mon, we’ll get some food in ya, give you some more acetiminophen and you’ll be feeling better.” AJ smiled for him, “C… you okay?” AJ asked, looking back at the girl he was falling in love with all over again.

“Yeah, AJ… I’m good. I’ll be right there. I just want to go wash up really quick.” Ciara admitted and headed upstairs. As she was coming out of the bathroom, she saw Jarod sitting on her bed.

“Hey sis.” He said.

“Jarod!” Ciara ran into her brother’s arms.

“Hey, Rachel told me to come right up. You’re shaking.” Jarod noticed right away.

“How… how… how often did mom beat you?” Ciara asked. She had managed not to cry.

“What all do you remember?” Jarod asked.

“The time she threw you up against a pole and you broke some ribs. All because you emptied all the alcohol down the kitchen sink.” Ciara told Jarod what she remembered.

“Yeah, that was a bad one.” Jarod admitted.

“There were others?” Ciara asked, dumbfounded.

“Yeah. That one, though… that one was one of the worst. Do you remember what happened after we got home from the hospital that night?” Jarod asked. Ciara thought for a moment, trying to remember what happened later.

“No.” She answered him.

“Mom went to tuck you in and you wouldn’t let her. You were so afraid she was going to hurt you. You cried and cried for dad. Anyway, he comes into your room and asks you what’s wrong. You told him you thought mom was going to hurt you like she hurt me. He asked you what you meant by that and you told him that mom threw me against the pole. That I didn’t get into a fight.” Jarod explained and then continued. “After dad tucked you in, he and I had a long talk that night. He really did love mom, but after hearing about how she went on her rampages and how she would be passed out drunk when we got home from school, dad knew something had to change.”

“Wow. What happened next?” she asked.

“Dad told mom, either she shaped up or there were going to be some changes happening in the house. That’s when she did a complete turn around and tried to be the model wife and mom. Little did we know, she was having an affair.” Jarod said. “Is there something else bothering you?” he asked his sister.

“I’m worried, Jarod. The more the memories come back, the more intense they’re getting. When I remembered the pole incident, I fainted. Thank goodness Howie caught me or I would have split my head open.”

“What does your doctor say?” Jarod asked.

“She doesn’t know about this latest incident. I needed to absorb it for awhile. I’ll call her tomorrow. AJ tried to help me get past it. I was just so drained afterwards from trying to analyze it and not let it eat away at me. I ended up taking a nap with Nick in the living room.” Ciara said. “How much do the boys know about what’s going on?”

“Not too much. Just what you’ve told them and they know about what happened with our dad and the accident and you losing your memory. That’s about it. They also know that mom has done something wrong and is afraid to own up to it. They don’t understand it. They’re only ten.” Jarod tried to explain.

“I’m sorry. I wish these things didn’t happen. That these memories didn’t come back like this, that I didn’t need to call you to clarify all this. That I didn’t need you so much.” Ciara began to cry.

“Hey, I’m your brother and I will always be here for you. Always. I love you and the boys love you and we will get through this together. Don’t you worry.” Jarod said, “Now, dry your eyes and let’s go have some of that fish that Rachel and that Howie character prepared.

2001-07-20T23:43:00.000-04:00

"I remembered the time my mom broke Jarod's ribs by throwing him up against the pole in the kitchen. We lied to the doctors, we lied to my dad, we lied to ourselves." Ciara told him.

"We didn't know any better back then. We didn't want anything bad to happen to your mom. We were children." AJ found himself defending their actions from when they were kids.

"The mom back then before the accident and the one after are so completely different, AJ. So different." Ciara looked back out at the garden. She tried to remember more but she was afraid. She shivered.

"What is it?" AJ noticed her shivering.

"Nothing. I'm just afraid of what I have yet to remember. Each major flashback gets more and more intense. God! I fainted with this one AJ." Ciara was getting angry. She was frustrated and upset over fainting after the flashback. AJ knelt down in front of her. He didn't know what to do to comfort her so he took one hand in his and with the other, wiped away her tears as he sang Angel Eyes to her.

"I always knew there was a reason that I always loved that song." She managed to smile by the time he was through.

"I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I'm here. Use me." AJ offered himself to her.

"Thank you AJ. That means a great deal to me."

"How about you come inside now and hang out with everyone?" AJ changed the subject.

"I'm not very good company." Ciara replied.

"Nonsense! You're great company. C'mon…" AJ pulled her up on her feet and led her back to the house.

The guys and Rachel went about their business. Nick was sound asleep on the couch; Howie and Rachel were making dinner; and Kevin and Brian were playing checkers.

When Ciara and AJ got tot the living room, Ciara went over to check on Nick. He woke up right away.

"Sorry, Nicky… just checking on you." She apologized.

"That's all right. Why don't you cuddle with me for a while? I could use a soft pillow." He teased.

"I… I don't want to hurt you." She admitted.

"Lay on my right side and you won't. C'mon, we'll both rest a little better. You look like you could use a friendly pillow right now anyway…" Nick replied. AJ was proud of Nick. Nick didn't ask what was wrong, he just sort of sensed it but the look on her face.

When Ciara agreed, AJ gave Nick the ok sign and closed the French doors behind him and went to join everyone else in the kitchen.

2001-07-19T20:55:00.000-04:00

"Think they'd be hungry? We caught a lot of fish." Howie asked.

"Of course, they're growing boys and I know that they all love fish. C'mon, let's go down and see if Rachel needs any help in the kitchen." Ciara looked at AJ.

"We're going to get cleaned up. See you in a bit." Kevin said and continued on to his room.

"He and Brian had a fight." Howie whispered.

"Howie, leave it be." Kevin said as he entered his room. Howie went to his own room without saying another word.

"B-Rok and Kev never fight… unless… uh oh…" AJ couldn't help but chuckle.

"They're fighting over Rachel." Ciara finished his sentence.

"Let's get down there so I can talk to B-Rok and you can talk to Rachel." AJ suggested and let her lead the way.

"Hey! Nicky… you got some sun today. You're looking much better!" Ciara said as he met them at the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks… I'm feeling better, too. Did you have a good day?" Nick asked. Ciara nodded.

"Need help upstairs?" AJ asked as they embraced for a second.

"Um, I think I can managed… thanks for asking though." Nick smiled as he began up the steps.

Brian was outside hosing off the fish and the cooler when Ciara and AJ walked into the kitchen.

"Hey!" Rachel said. AJ mumbled a hello and headed out to the deck immediately.

"Rach, what happened between Brian and Kevin today?" Ciara asked.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.

"Howie said that Kevin and Brian had a fight? He didn't say about what though?" Ciara asked.

"A fight? No! If they did, it wasn't around me. What would they fight about?" Rachel was perplexed. She had begun washing some potatoes to have with the fish and had looked for some vegetables to have as well.

"Excuse me? Rachel? Hello… Brian and Kevin never fight… EVER… AJ and I think they were fighting over you." Ciara explained.

"That's ridiculous! Brian and I are just friends!" Rachel declared.

"Have you clarified that with him?" Ciara asked.

"Hey B? Whatcha doin' out here?" AJ asked.

"Cleaning off the fish. Whaddya think??? Too much?" Brian asked as he showed off the fish. There must have been two dozen fish of various sizes in front of Brian.

"Holy cow! That's a lot of fish!" AJ declared. "So… what's going on between you and Kevin?" AJ got right to the point.

"Nothing that concerns you." Brian went back to cleaning the fish.

"Bullshit, Bri. You two were fighting over Rachel, weren't you?" AJ wanted to know.

"That's ridiculous!" Brian lied.

"Bullshit again, B-Rok. You're a lousy liar. C'mon… it's me, AJ, you're talking to. We've only known Rachel a week. Why are you two fighting over her? Most of her time when she isn't with the group, she's with Kevin. Bri… let her go." AJ said. He knew that Brian was just going to end up heartbroken if he continued to pursue Rachel.

"Easy for you to say… you've got Ciara." Brian remarked as he shook his head.

"I may have her, but that's by her choosing. You and Kevin need to…" AJ was interrupted by Ciara yelling from the patio door.

"AJ! Nick just fell down the stairs!" Ciara was white as a ghost as she opened the patio door. AJ and Brian bolted past her towards the staircase.

"Nick! What happened?" Rachel was at his side instantly.

"I'm not sure? I went to step onto the top step and missed, I guess." Nick explained as Howie and a dripping wet Kevin came running down the stairs and Brian and AJ ran in from the patio.

"Nick, this is twice in less than two weeks. Cut it out." AJ teased as he helped Nick up. Rachel was in nurse mode. Ciara noticed Brian follow Kevin upstairs.

"What can I do?" Ciara asked aloud.

"Go watch those two." AJ nodded towards the upstairs as Howie helped him carry Nick to the couch. Ciara went upstairs. She saw Brian's door close first and then Kevin's. Kevin opened his door a few minutes later.

"Ciara, can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked. Ciara nodded and followed him back into his room. He was fully dressed.

"What do you want to talk about?" Ciara asked, but she had a good feeling about who and what would be the topic.

"Rachel and David. Has she dated since David? Was he truly the one for her?" Kevin asked.

"She has dated off and on since David, but nothing serious. Kevin, I know you and Brian were fighting over her today. That's not right."

"I know, but I won't back down from pursuing a relationship with her. I'm so drawn to her. I can't explain it. I got jealous of Brian hanging all over her today." He admitted as he looked out his window at the backyard.

"Did you tell Brian this?" Ciara asked.

"I tried. It was the first time we've ever fought over a woman before." He replied. There was a knock on the door. Ciara opened it to see Brian on the other side.

"Hi… I came to talk to Kevin." Brian replied. His hair was still dripping wet from his shower.

"I'll leave you two to talk." Ciara left the room.

"Well, you've got a few bruised ribs, Nick. Since you're still shaky, one of us will walk with you to help you with your balance until Ciara and I can find Rick's old crutches." Rachel was saying as Ciara entered the living room.

"Who's Rick?" Nick asked.

"He was my husband. He's passed on. How are you doing?" Ciara asked from the doorway.

"Clutz strikes again!" Nick said.

"Nicky, one of us should have helped you. This isn't all your fault." AJ said as he helped Rachel put an ace bandage around Nick.

"Don't try to make me feel better." Nick told AJ. Ciara stumbled backwards as she had a flashback. It was so strong, she fainted. "C!" Nick began to shout as AJ ran to her.

"Nick, lie down. I've…" Rachel began.

"Go…" Nick told Rachel. He knew she was going to check on Ciara.

"Ciara had fallen into Howie's arms. He was on his way down the stairs when he saw her stumble. He broke her fall.

"What happened?" Howie asked.

"We're not sure… " Rachel said as she snapped some smelling salts in front of Ciara's nose, waking Ciara right up. She jumped.

"It's all right. Howie's got you and AJ's right here." Rachel said as Ciara focused on her.

"C'mon, let's get you up." AJ offered Ciara his hand.

"What did you remember?" Rachel asked. She figured Ciara had an intense memory flashback that was too much for her to handle.

"Um, something terrible. I need a few minutes. Howie… thanks for catching me." Ciara tried to smile for them as she let AJ help her up. "I'll be back in a little while." Ciara told them all. AJ went to go after her but Rachel stopped him. This was one time that Ciara needed a few minutes to herself. Howie went to the kitchen to begin dinner. Rachel and AJ went back to Nick.

Ciara had gone to the garden. She had remembered when she was eight years old and she and AJ were watching a Disney movie. Jarod was doing homework while keeping an eye on them while their mother was passed out drunk in her bedroom, or so they thought. Jarod had decided to empty all the alcohol bottles in the house when their mom woke up and discovered all the booze was gone. She beat Jarod and threw him up against a pole. The cover story was that he got in a fight with a boy from school.

After an hour had passed, AJ went looking for her. Rachel told him exactly where to look.

"Ciara? What is it? What did you remember earlier? Please… talk to me. I only want to help." AJ spoke softly to her. He was standing a few feet away from where she was sitting. Ciara wiped the tears from her face and looked at AJ. Her eyes were very puffy.

2001-07-14T20:01:00.000-04:00

Once AJ's things were moved into Ciara's room, they readied the room within half an hour. Afterwards, Ciara checked phone messages and handled some business issues.

When she'd stop to think about her father and what she remembered, she'd cry. She managed to get herself to stop by concentrating on business.

"Hey, your brother just called your cell phone. They're leaving as soon as his wife gets home." AJ explained from the doorway. It was nearly five pm.

"Thanks, that was a long shower." Ciara replied when she looked up.

"Nah, I just couldn't find my underwear." AJ grinned.

"What? Didn't I put it away?" Ciara asked.

"Oh yeah, you did… I just couldn't remember where."

"Where did you find them?" she asked, embarrassed at the thought of how she wouldn't mind seeing him without any on.

"In your dresser with your things. Where is your mind? Moving me completely in already? I thought we were taking things slow?" AJ teased.

"Oh my gosh, I really am absent-minded today. I'm sorry." Ciara was blushing. AJ went over to her.

"Uh huh… now tell me what you were really thinking." He stated as he got in her face. She turned even redder. "Where you thinking how you'd rather see me in nothing at all?" he whispered as their lips connected.

"What? Like you don't look at me and think the same thing?" she replied, breathless after the kiss. She couldn't believe how he could still read her like an open book after all these years. As AJ kissed her again, he closed her laptop and gently took it off her lap. Ciara put one arm around his neck and pulled him closer to her as she laid back on the bed. Neither of them wanted to stop their make-out session. As AJ moved to unbutton her shirt, they heard Rachel and the guys return from the lake.

"Damn." They both said out loud and then broke into laughter.

"AJ? Ciara?" Rachel shouted from the kitchen.

"Our timing sucks." Ciara found herself saying.

"Since when were you ever this forward?" AJ replied. They heard two sets of footsteps coming down the hall.

"Hey! What's going on?" AJ asked as he opened the door to Howie and Kevin.

"Just wanted to let you know we're having fish for dinner." Howie explained.

"Great. We'll be right down." AJ told them both. Ciara joined him at the door.

"How was the lake?" she asked.

"Fun… what did you two do all day?" Kevin asked.

"I got some work done. Oh, my brothers are on their way over for a day or so. They should be here around eightish." Ciara said.

2001-07-12T19:51:00.000-04:00

"No… don't analyze this right now. It's late. You need… I need sleep." AJ said. There was a knock on the door. AJ went to answer it.

"Everything okay?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, just battling memories. Nick?" AJ asked.

"Finally asleep, slight fever, but that's to be expected. Will you stay with her?" Rachel asked.

"Yup. Goodnight Rachel." AJ said and closed the door. "All right C… lights out." AJ hit the switch before going back over to the bed. Ciara didn't say anything. She got under the covers and fell asleep in AJ's arms.

Ciara and AJ slept until ten am. They were awakened by Ciara's mom knocking on the door.

"Ciara… it's momma… I need to talk to you." The voice said. Ciara responded by pulling the blankets over her head. AJ went to the door.

"Today is not a good day." AJ said when he opened the door.

"AJ!" Ciara's mom was shocked to see him at her daughter's bedroom door. "What are you doing in my daughter's room?"

"I don't owe you any explanations as to why I'm here. Ciara is not going to see you today. Please leave." AJ stated. He tried to be nice about it.

"I drove all this way to talk to her in person. The least she can do is see me." Ciara's mom was persistent. Ciara had managed to crawl out of bed and went over to the door. She was angry.

"You bitch! Daddy knew and I knew about the affair several weeks before the accident. Several weeks! Daddy wanted a divorce and custody of me and Jarod. You never loved us! Never! Get out of my house before I have someone throw you out." Ciara screamed at her mother. AJ closed the door as Ciara slumped to the floor and sobbed. AJ scooped her up and took her back to bed where he held her until she fell back to sleep.

An hour later there was a soft knock on the door. AJ got up to answer it. It was Rachel. AJ pressed a finger to his lips and went out into the hall.

"Kevin and Nick told me what happened. How's Ciara?" she asked.

"Asleep." AJ said. Rachel handed him a tray of food. She could see the worry in his face.

"I'm taking the guys to the lake for the afternoon. Wake her up and get her to eat. Don't let her stay silent. Get her to talk even if it's a fight that you two end up in. Got it?" Rachel instructed. AJ trusted Rachel, more so because she was Ciara's best friend and had probably been through this before with Ciara.

"I'm not sure I can do this." AJ admitted.

"You can do it, AJ. It may take all afternoon, but you can do it. She may get physically sick from the food at first. That's usually what happens with her after stress and fighting. She'll be fine. Don't baby her." Rachel explained.

"Thanks Rachel." AJ replied.

"Not a problem. I've forwarded the phone directly to the answering service. Jarod and the twins are worried about her. If Jarod doesn't hear from her by four, he and the boys are coming out. Got it?" Rachel was finished.

"Understood." AJ replied solemnly.

"AJ… just love her, but be strong. Coax her to eat, coax her to talk, coax her to laugh. Once you get her started and you don't baby her, she'll be fine." Rachel replied.

"I hope so." AJ gave Rachel a hug. He opened the door and took the food into the room.

"…Jarod, please come here. I need you." Ciara cried into the phone.

`She must have wakened while I was talking with Rachel' AJ thought to himself. He placed the tray of food down on the bed. Ciara looked up. Here eyes were red and puffy.

"I'll bring the guys too. They can hang out in the video room." Jarod said. "We'll be there in a few hours."

"Thanks." Ciara said to her brother and hung up the phone.

"Hey! I'm glad you're up. Rachel made us some food. Wanna try to eat something?" he asked. Ciara nodded as she wiped her eyes.

"Did everyone hear what happened?" Ciara asked. She didn't want the guys to think she was a freak.

"Your mom deserved it. I'm sure the guys just think you and your mom had an argument. Juice?" AJ asked. He was trying to keep things as normal as possible for the both of them.

Ciara forced herself to eat some lunch and drink the juice. It didn't stay down, but she was determined to get something solid in her stomach. AJ really didn't know what to do so he decided to ask her bluntly.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked.

"I'm not going to let myself fade back to when Rick died, AJ. I have to overcome this. Dry toast might work. Could you go down to the kitchen and make me a few slices?" she asked. She went to go back to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" AJ asked.

"To take a shower, get refreshed and then you and I are going to move your things in here. Jarod and the twins will be spending the night. Where did you say Rachel took the guys?" Ciara asked. She felt that the sooner she got normalcy back to an somewhat even state that things would begin to balance themselves out.

"To the lake. Should I go get them?" AJ asked.

"Nay, we can do this on our own." Ciara decided.

"Are you sure you're okay?" AJ asked.

"I'm not okay, but I'm working through it. Thanks for being here, AJ." Ciara gave AJ a hug.

"Always." AJ replied, "I'll be back in a few minutes with that toast." AJ gave her a smile before taking the tray and going down to the kitchen.

After Ciara showered, she went down to the kitchen and burst into laughter at what she saw happening out on the patio. AJ was toasting the bread on the grille. AJ looked up when he heard her laughing.

"I couldn't find the toaster." He admitted.

"Mister… you are too much." She said as she shook her head at his silly yet ingenuous way of making toast.

2001-07-11T21:48:00.000-04:00

AJ waited until everyone was asleep before going to Ciara’s room. He had a feeling she’d still be awake. He was right. She was typing away on her laptop.

“Do you ever sleep?” AJ questioned.

“Only in your arms.” She replied without looking up at him.

“Ciara… we’ve got to stop this.” AJ sat down across from her. He was looking extremely serious.

“Stop what?” Ciara saved her work and looked up at him.

“The flirting… the teasing. Truth is C… now that you’re back in my life, the feelings I’ve kept locked away in the special place in my heart all these years have resurfaced and I’m falling in love with you more and more. Us testing each other, flirting like we do… it’s torturing me.” AJ explained.

“The last thing I would ever do is hurt you AJ. You’re my missing link, the one I’ve been searching for all my life.” Ciara explained. She went over to him and sat in his lap.” Truth is, I always knew that there was someone else out there for me besides Rick. I think he knew it too and now that I’ve got my memory back it all makes sense.” Ciara stopped for a moment as she realized that AJ was trying to process everything she had just said. “What are you thinking?” she asked him

“Just thinking back to that day in the MTV studios. The only thing that has changed is we’ve aged. You know that, don’t you?” AJ asked.

“AJ… for you that may be true, but for me it’s a lot different. A lot. From the accident to loosing my memory to going to rehab, copying with my father’s death and then my mom marrying someone new. I’m totally not the same Ciara you knew back then. In many ways, I’ve changed so much, but yet, in some ways, my memories have helped me to see that I am still that Ciara in some ways as well.” Ciara explained.

“So what are you saying?” AJ wanted everything out on the table so-to-speak.

“I think what we’re both wondering about is the what ifs. What if the accident never happened? What if we went through high school as a couple?” Ciara continued, “AJ, we have to take this slow, okay? I want to find out if the love I feel for you is a lot more than just the love/crush/lust hat I had for you at fourteen. Can you understand that?” Ciara hoped he would.

“Well, this is what I understand…” AJ said. He moved Ciara onto the bed and got up. “My Ciara is back in my life. She has brought back a calmness and a unity that I haven’t felt since we were fourteen. I understand that you need time to deal with getting your memories back and with everything else that happened, and in a way… I guess I need time too. But know this. I love you, Ciara. Not just the fourteen year old love, but the real thing. I want to know everything about the twelve years we were apart. From the time of the accident on up to the moments before I walked into that room in the studio. I want to know everything and I want you to know everything too. But most of all, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Here for you to lean on , here for you to yell at when you need to, here to hold you when you need to be held. I’m here.” AJ said. He was very animated with his facial expressions and his hands.

“Even when I can’t sleep because I’m afraid that I may wake up and these past few days are all a dream?” she asked.

“Yes, even then.” AJ said. He looked at her alarm clock. It was nearly three am. “Speaking of sleep, what do you saw we get a few hours?” he suggested.

“I’m game.” She replied.

“Good. I’m going to go to the bathroom so you can change. I’ll be right back.” AJ kissed her forehead and disappeared into the bathroom. She changed into her nightshirt and closed the drapes to the door to the balcony.

“My turn.” She knocked on the door. AJ came out with a smile.

“That was quick. I didn’t even have time to read the table of contents for the Reader’s Digest!” he teased.

“Oh you! I’ll be right out.” She patted him on the ass as he walked by. When she returned, they turned back the covers of the bed and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

AJ was still sleeping when Ciara woke up. She looked at the clock. Six fifty-three am. She put on some sweatpants and a long shirt, put her hair up and decided to check on Nick before going for a run.

“Ciara?” Nick whispered as Ciara turned to leave. She had gone in to check on him. Brian was asleep on the couch and she thought Nick was asleep too.

“Nick? You alright?” she asked. She went back over to him and felt his forehead. He felt fine.

“I think so. Just can’t sleep. Do you know where my backpack is? It has my CD player and some CDs in it.” He wondered. She looked around the room and spotted it on the chair. She went over and got it for him. “Thanks… where are you going?” he asked.

“For a jog. Need some thinking space.” She said.

“Don’t be gone too long. Everyone will be up soon.” Nick sounded like a protective brother.

“I’ll leave a note on the fridge, dad.” She teased before leaving him to his music.

When Ciara returned an hour later, she found Howie cooking up some breakfast for everyone.

“Hey! Nick said you went jogging. Did you have a good jog?” Howie asked.

“It was pretty good. Anyone else up yet?” she asked.

“Nope. Everyone’s still sleeping. The guys should stir soon as they smell what’s cookin!” he smiled.

“I’m just going to go on up and take a shower.” Ciara replied. She had to get out of the kitchen. She had a flashback of her father cooking. She was ready to cry. She passed Rachel in the hall.

“C… are you okay?” Rachel stopped her.

“Define okay?” Ciara replied. Rachel gave her a puzzled look. “Yeah, I’m alright. Go check on Nick. I’ll see you downstairs in a little while.” Ciara gave Rachel a hug before going into her room. AJ was still sleeping.

After her shower, she took a glass of cold water and held it above AJ’s head in case he gave her a hard time about getting up.

“AJ, time to rise and shine.” Ciara said as she stood next to the bed.

AJ swiftly grabbed Ciara and pulled her to him. She screamed with laughter as she spilled the water over them both.

“You stinker!” she playfully slugged him in the arm.

“Ow!” he laughed, “I should have known you’d do the water cup thing!” he said. She went to get up to change. As if he could read her mind, he stopped her. “No, don’t go. It’s only water.” He told her, pulling her even closer to him.

“Good morning, Alex.” She had calmed down, but was still giggling. AJ smiled. He had never let anyone call him Alex except for her. It was good to hear it again. Very good.

“Good morning, C… been up long?” he asked her.

“Since around sever or so… you?” she asked. She went to get up again so that she could change her shirt but AJ wouldn’t let her go just yet.

“I guess since I heard you in the shower.” AJ replied.

“You were sleeping so soundly earlier… I didn’t want to wake you.” Ciara admitted.

“Everything okay?” Where’d you go?” AJ inquired. Ciara slipped out of his arms and sat down next to him on the bed.

“I went jogging after I checked on Nick. Needed some space, I guess. Then when I got home and saw Howie cooking, I had a flashback of my dad standing in the kitchen in Florida cooking breakfast for Jarod and I. It was too much.” She admitted.

“Can I do anything?” AJ asked.

“You just did. But now, you need to get up. Howie’s working hard to prepare a wonderful breakfast for everyone.” Ciara replied.

“Can we just stay here for a little while longer, just you and me?” I don’t want to share you just yet.” AJ admitted.

“You are one of my best friends, AJ. You don’t have to share me with anyone, but you do have to get up.” Ciara pulled him off the bed. Before they both knew it, AJ was on the floor.

“I’m going to be so sorry for that some day…” Ciara replied as she laughed.

“Oh yeah, starting with this.” AJ said and begun tickling her. She was laughing so hard, she had to beg him to stop because she was afraid she was going to pee her shorts. As AJ had tickled her, Kevin had to bang on the door to be heard.

“Kevin! Good morning!” Ciara answered the door finally when AJ lost momentum when he first heard the banging.

“Good morning, Ciara. Breakfast is ready. Will you two be down?” he asked. Kevin saw AJ run to the bathroom.

“We’ll be right down. How’s Nick?” she asked.

“Sleeping. Rachel said we should help him move around a little today though. Start out slow with him, ya know.” Kevin explained.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

“See you downstairs. Ah… AJ might need a change of clothes so I brought these.” Kevin handed Ciara an outfit for AJ.

“Thanks Kev!” AJ shouted from the bathroom. Ciara giggled.

“Thanks Kev.” Ciara closed the door and handed AJ his clothes. “AJ, I’m gonna go on downstairs. See you in a few?”

“You bet.” AJ replied. Ciara peeked in on Nick before joining the others for breakfast.

After breakfast, Brian and Howie took a plate up to Nick. Rachel, Ciara, Kevin, and AJ cleaned up the kitchen.

“I need to go into town today. Anyone want to come with me?” Ciara asked.

“Where are you going?” AJ asked.

“I have a book signing at the mall at two and then an interview with ABC at five.” She replied.

“Oh! That’s right! I forgot about that.” Rachel explained.

“I’ll go with you. I’d love to see you at work.” AJ said.

“Maybe that’s not a good idea…” Rachel began to say.

“Why not?” AJ asked.

“You’ll get mobbed if you’re spotted.” Ciara said, remembering his celebrity. “If word gets out that you’re at the mall, we’re all in trouble. I didn’t think of that.”

“Maybe if we put you in a wig, shaved your face and had you wear a long t-shirt, maybe we could pass you off as someone else.” Rachel walked around AJ. “It just may work.” She said. “I’ll be right back.” Rachel was off to find the wig.

“AJ, are you sure you want to do this?” Ciara asked.

“Let’s give it a whirl. You never know.” AJ liked the idea of trying to outsmart the fans. Kevin was taking all of their scheming.

The disguise worked, so afterwards, Ciara and AJ decided to have dinner at one of the restaurants in town.

Meanwhile… back at the house…

Howie and Brian were playing a board game after they took Nick on a walk. Rachel and Kevin talked in the kitchen.

“Okay, I’ve been hoping you would bring this up on your own, but since you haven’t, I will.” Kevin sighed. Rachel stopped chopping up some potatoes to give Kevin her full attention. Kevin took a deep breath before continuing. “Who’s David.” Kevin asked. Rachel knew this was coming. The first night that they went back to his hotel room, she woke up screaming David’s name. Kevin didn’t press her then because she was so upset. She took a deep breadth before she spoke.

“David was my fiancé.” She spoke softly at first. She sat down next to Kevin and looked into his eyes. “David was a good man who didn’t deserve to die. He was a New York City police officer on his way to becoming a detective when he was murdered right before my eyes.” Rachel stopped for a moment and took a swig of her pepsi.

“How did you two meet?” he asked.

“At a press party for Ciara right after graduation. We were getting out of a limousine when someone tried to break through a barricade to get into the hotel. He was thrown against the limousine. I went into nurse mode.”

“How did he die?” Kevin asked.

“He stopped an armed robbery on our way back to his apartment after dinner one night. We stopped for ice cream and some cold medicine. Anyway, I was in the aisle looking at the cold medicine when I heard him shout `Freeze! Police!’. Then it happened. I tried to stop the bleeding. I really did. But he bled to death before the paramedics could arrive.” Rachel stopped. She needed a break. She wasn’t crying but she was upset. She still had nightmares about the shooting. “At least he took out the two robbers with him.” She got up and went back around the counter to continue cutting up the potatoes.

“Tell me about David. About the kind of man he was.” Kevin wanted to know more about the man who had captured her heart.

“No. You aren’t in competition with him Kevin. Yes, I have nightmares about the night he died still. I’m working through that. All you need to know about him is that he was a good man and he was good to me. I promised myself I’d move on. And I have.” She said as she chopped.

“I’m just trying to get to know you better.” Kevin felt that she was on the defensive with him. She sighed.

“I know. And I should have mentioned him the night of the nightmare. I was just thrown. I hadn’t had any dreams about him in a few months. I’m sorry.” She explained.

“I’m sorry too. Truce?” Kevin asked. He had his head bent down and he had to look at her from the tops of his eyes. This made her laugh. He looked so sexy when he did that for her.

“Only if you help me cook dinner.” She replied.

“You’re on.” He answered.

”That sauce was fantastic!” AJ commented as he and Ciara left the restaurant.

“I have never seen someone drool over pasta sauce before.” She laughed. AJ stopped in his tracks and looked around. “This is nice. Not being surrounded by security. It’s peaceful and quiet here. I hope it remains this way.” AJ said.

“It’s the disguise.” Ciara told him. “Life must be difficult for you and the guys. I can’t imagine being hounded by fans 24/7.”

“Sometimes it’s great, but times when you just want space, like now, are very, very rare and far and few between.” He admitted to her. “I couldn’t tell you the last time I could just walk along the sidewalk without being noticed or without bodyguards.” AJ explained.

“Don’t think, just enjoy.” Ciara offered him her hand. They were photographed by a guy in a bush. They were none the wiser.

”Hey! There you guys are. What did you do? Walk back from town?” Rachel teased when Ciara and AJ walked through the door. It was nearly ten pm.

“How’s Nick?” AJ immediately asked.

“I’m better, thanks!” Nick replied from the hallway. He was walking unassisted and very slowly, holding onto the wall as he did so.

“How’d the book signing go?” Brian asked.

“Very well. There was a good turn out. Dinner was quiet. No one recognized AJ.” Ciara replied.

“So what did all of you do today?” AJ asked. They all got caught up on the day’s events before Ciara called it a night. She had had a long day and knew she’d be able to sleep without any problem. When AJ insisted on going up with her she pulled him aside and explained that she wanted some alone time. AJ gave it to her without any more questions. However, around two am, AJ couldn’t sleep. He crept into Ciara’s room and discovered her crying while she was standing at the balcony. He went up and hugged her from behind, never saying a word.

“How did you know I needed this right now?” she asked when she calmed down.

“I couldn’t sleep and I had a feeling something was wrong so I came to check on you.” He explained. She leaned back into him. He tightened his arms around her. “And I’ve decided that as long as I’m here, I’m sleeping in here with you so we both can get some sleep.” AJ stated. Ciara felt that he was right. She wasn’t going to get much sleep without him nearby. Not with all the memories she was having. “So… what has you this upset? What did you remember that has this affect on you? Can you tell me?” AJ asked. Ciara turned to look at him. They walked over to the bed and got in it.

“I overheard a fight mom and dad were having. It was a few weeks before the accident. I was suppose to be outside playing, but forgot my jump rope so I went back in to get it. I remember my mom telling my father that it wasn’t fair that she was stuck at home with me and Jarod while he was always away on business trips. She then asked him… Oh my god… AJ! He knew she was having an affair.” Ciara turned to look at AJ. “And I ran out to the living room and begged them to stop fighting. Daddy told her he knew about her affair and that he was going to get a divorce and custody of me and Jarod. My god Jarod… she moved me away and had your mom lie to you because she didn’t want me to remember. She didn’t want me to remember that I knew about the affair and what daddy said. It wasn’t because your mom knew… it was because I knew… I knew!” Ciara sobbed.

2001-07-09T22:25:00.000-04:00

“The meat is ready! Who’s hungry?” Brian announced a half hour later.

“Nicky, how about a burger?” Ciara was offering to make him a plate. Nick agreed and AJ helped him sit up a little more.

“Wait! You guys have to sing for your supper!” Rachel declared as everyone else began to make their plates.

“Rach!!!!!!!!!!!” Ciara couldn’t believe Rachel had just said that.

“It’s okay. We can do it.” Kevin replied with a chuckle. He went to each of the guys and whispered the song they would sing into their ear. He counted the guys off and the song began…

Even in my heart I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad baby
Quit playin' games with my heart

Quit playin' games with my heart (Quit playin' games with my heart)
my heart (before you tear us apart)
my heart (quit playin’ games with my heart)
I should've known from the start (you know ya gotta stop)
from my heart (your tearing us apart)
my heart (quit playin’ games with my heart)

I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you so
So what is it that you can't see
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time, impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad baby
You better
Quit playin' games with my heart

Chorus
Quit playin' games with my heart (Quit playin' games with my heart)
my heart (before you tear us apart)
my heart (quit playin’ games with my heart)
I should've known from the start (you know ya gotta stop)
from my heart (your tearing us apart)
my heart

Quit playin' games
Baby, baby the love that we had was so strong
Don't leave me hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby
This is not right
Let's stop this tonight

Baby, oh, quit playin' games (nah nah…)
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time, impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart

Ciara and Rachel giggled as the guys sang. By the end of the song, everyone was laughing.

“Okay, okay, all is fair in food and starvation. Ciara, why don’t you sing something for us?” Brian suggested as the guys sat down. Nick had stayed seated but sang from the chair.

“How about after dinner? I need sustenance.” She replied, referring to the food on the table.

“Okay… you’re on!” AJ replied for the guys. During dinner, Ciara and Rachel talked about the history of the house with the guys and how Ciara decided to decorate it.

“It really is homey. You’d never have guessed that it was once just a summer cabin for the rich and famous.” Howie remarked as the girls concluded their dinner story.

“Thanks Howie. That was my intention. To make it a home all year long. Our nearest neighbor is a half mile away. My stepfather’s family owns most of the land for a two-mile radius. It helps when your stepfather’s family has lived here in the area for generations. His great-great grandfather bought the land for a penny per acre. My stepfather tells the story better.” Ciara explained. Everyone had finished eating and was just relaxing. Nick was sound asleep in the lounger.

“Maybe we should move him up to his room?” Rachel suggested.

“Let’s leave him there for a little while. He hates being in unfamiliar places alone.” Kevin, ever the watchful big brother, suggested. Brian and Rachel began clearing the table. When Ciara stood up to help, Rachel said, “Oh no, you came home and got the house ready and you went shopping earlier. My turn.” Rachel explained. It was her way of saying that Ciara had done enough for one day.

“Besides, you said you’d sing for us.” Howie smiled.

“I sure did. Now the only question is what do I sing for you?” Ciara laughed.

“I bet you’d make a better Britney than Britney does.” AJ said from the end of the table.

“You want me to sing Britney? Hmmm… I don’t know… what about `Rush, Rush’ by Paula Abdul or `Foolish Beat’ by Deborah Gibson?” Ciara didn’t like Britney Spears. The music was okay, but Britney was nothing at all appealing to her to make her want to go out and buy the cd.

“Ooohhh, eighties kick?” In that case, how about `I Think We’re Alone Now’ by Tiffany?” AJ teased.

“Alexander James, you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’ and if you aren’t careful, I’m gonna sick the rest of the guys on you.” Ciara playfully replied back to him. Everyone was laughing.

“I think you would do a beautiful version of `Rush, Rush’, right AJ?” Kevin asked as he went over to check on Nick.

“Yeah, where are the karaoke tapes?” Ciara asked Rachel as she came back out onto the patio.

“Usual spot, hidden behind the board games.” Rachel laughed.

“What’s going on?” Nick asked with a scratchy, sleepy voice.

“Sorry, Nicky… didn’t mean to wake you.” Ciara went over to him, followed by Kevin and AJ.

“Let’s get you to bed Nicky, okay?” Brian asked from the doorway.

“But it’s so nice out here, can’t I stay?” Nick asked.

“It’s going to rain Nick. Maybe tomorrow.” Rachel replied. Kevin and Howie helped Nick to his room. AJ, Brian, and C iara finished clearing off the patio table and putting the grille away as Rachel put the left over food and condiments away.

Ciara found the karaoke tape that had the song on it. She had AJ set up the karaoke machine for her so she could sing for them.

“I’m a little nervous so bare with me… I haven’t sung this in a few years.” Ciara admitted. Rachel had gotten her a glass of water and that seemed to help her throat somewhat.

(Rush Rush
Sung by Paula Abdul from her CD, Spellbound, released May 1991
Written by P. Lord. ©)

You're The Whisper Of A Summer Breeze
You're The Kiss That Puts My Soul At Ease
What I'm Saying Is I'm
In To You
Here's My Story, And The Story Goes

You Give Love, You Get Love And More Than Heaven Knows
You're Gonna See
I'm Gonna Run, I'm Gonna Try
I'm Gonna Take This Love
Right To Ya
All My Heart, All The Joy
Oh Baby, Baby Please

Rush, Rush
Hurry, Hurry Lover, Come To Me
Rush, Rush
I Wanna See, I Wanna See Ya
Get Free With Me
Rush, Rush
I Can Feel It, I Can Feel You All Through Me
Rush, Rush
Ooh What You Do To Me

And All I Want From You Is What You Are
And Even If You're Right Next To Me
You're Still Too Far Away If I'm Not Inside Your Arms
I Get Dramatic Baby, Yes I Know
But I Need You, I Want You
Ooh Man, I Love You So

Ooh, Ooh

You're Gonna See
I'm Gonna Run, I'm Gonna Try
I'm Gonna Take This Love Right To Ya
All My Heart, All The Joy
Ooh Baby, Baby Please

Rush, Rush
Hurry, Hurry Lover, Come To Me
Rush, Rush
I Wanna See, I Wanna See Ya
Get Free With Me
Rush, Rush
I Can Feel It, I Can Feel You All Through Me
Rush, Rush
Ooh What You Do To Me

Rush, Rush
Hurry, Hurry Lover, Come To Me
Rush, Rush
I Wanna See, I Wanna See Ya
Get Free With Me
Rush, Rush
I Can Feel It, I Can Feel You All Through Me
Rush, Rush
Ooh What You Do To Me

When You Kiss Me
Up And Down
Turn My Senses All Around
Oh Baby, Oh Baby

I Don't Know
Just How Or Why
But No One Else
Has Touched Me
So Deep, So Deep,
So Deep Inside

You're Gonna See
I'm Gonna Run
I'm Gonna Try
I'm Gonna Take This Love Right To Ya

All My Heart, All The Joy
Oh Baby, Baby Please

Rush, Rush
Hurry, Hurry Lover, Come To Me
Rush, Rush
I Wanna See, I Wanna See Ya
Get Free With Me
Rush, Rush
I Can Feel It, I Can Feel You All Through Me
Rush, Rush
Ooh What You Do To Me

Ciara’s eyes were fixated on AJ the entire time and everyone noticed as she ended the song and tears were falling from her eyes. AJ handed her some tissues and pulled her into an embrace.

“We need to talk, but later, when we’re alone.” AJ whispered in her ear. She nodded.

“Okay, who’s next???” Rachel asked as she passed out the karaoke tapes so the guys could see what songs were available. They spent the rest of the night singing songs like they were in a karaoke bar and just having a good time. Periodically Brian or Rachel would go check on Nick.

2001-07-08T20:17:00.000-04:00

"So what's going on with you and AJ?" Rachel immediately asked.

"We're getting to know each other again. I feel so comfortable with him like we were never apart. Isn't that strange?" Ciara asked her best friend.

"I don't think so. I don't think I've seen you smile like this since before Rick died. Did you talk to him about Rick and the transplant?" Rachel continued.

"He knows it all, Rach… what about you? Are you still letting Kevin and Brian vie for your attention and affection?" Ciara was chopping up carrots as Rachel tore at the lettuce.

"I think Brian knows that it's Kevin for me. Brian's just too wholesome for me. I mean… if he only knew about my past, he'd run for the hills." Rachel explained.

"Don't be sure. You may be surprised by him. He seems to be a very caring and understanding person. Wait… you mean to tell me that neither of them know about David yet?" Ciara put down the knife she was holding and looked at Rachel. Rachel looked away.

"No… no they don't. I managed to change the subject each and every time someone brought up past relationships. I'm not sure how things will be with either of them after these few days so I'd rather not say anything to them." Rachel avoided looking at Ciara.

"Rachel, if anything, I think that we'll be friends with the guys for the rest of our lives. I can see how attached Kevin, Howie, Brian and Nick are to you already. You should tell them about David. Hell, I should tell them about Rick." Ciara went back to chopping up veggies for the salad.

"I don't know, C…"

"I do… if it's brought up tonight, you and I will both talk about Rick and David. Deal?" Ciara asked.

"Deal." Rachel replied as AJ and Nick appeared in the kitchen.

"Nick… what are you doing out of bed?" Rachel asked. He was wincing. It was obvious he was in pain still.

"Everyone's out back and you and Rachel are here. I've had enough of being couped up in bed. Please, if I promise to stay seated, you'll let me stay down here for a while?" Nick asked.

"Well… at least through dinner, I guess. But if you get cold, you have to promise me that you'll let us know so someone can bring you inside." Rachel bargained with Nick.

"Sure thing." Nick replied.

"Fine… AJ, help Nick to a lounger. I'll go get an afghan and a pillow for master Nicky. Ciara… can you finish the salad for me? Oh, and AJ, send one of the guys in to get the meat… the grille should be ready by now." Rachel handed out orders.

"Yes ma'am… right away ma'am." Ciara saluted Rachel.

"Oohh, will you do that for me later?" AJ said without thinking. Nick tried not to laugh as Ciara threw a towel at AJ. Rachel disappeared to the front of the house giggling. Ciara swayed just a little as she had a déjà vu moment. She remembered when she and AJ were about thirteen and she was helping her mom bake cookies when her father carried him into the house from the yard with a sprained ankle.

"Ciara? You okay?" Nick asked as he and AJ walked past her to go out onto the patio.

"Oh yeah… just a flashback. Moment of déjà vu… I'm expecting these. Thanks for asking though… I'll bring you out some lemonade in a few minutes, all right?" Ciara smiled for him.

"Sure… thanks." Nick smiled back. AJ and Nick disappeared out onto the patio.

Howie came into the kitchen for the meat just as Ciara had finished the salad. She helped Howie get the meat out of the refrigerator as Rachel rushed out the doorway to the patio with an afghan and pillow.

"Is she always in nursing mode?" Howie asked.

"When someone's not up to par, yes. It's a good attribute to have. She's an excellent nurse. Can you carry all that? Let me get the door for you." Ciara opened the door for him as he passed through. AJ came back into the house.

"What can I help with?" he asked.

"Um………. Well…." Ciara laughed. She loved the banter and teasing she shared with AJ.

"Oh… we could go upstairs." He played along.

"And be rude to our company? Hmmm, tempting." Ciara replied as AJ walked over next to her.

"They won't mind." He continued. She giggled.

"I believe you on that." She said. AJ stole a kiss from her. "I thought you came to help me?" she said when they parted.

"Isn't that what I'm doing?" he asked innocently.

"Smooth talker. Here… take out the chips for me oh, and the salad. I've got to get Nick's lemonade." She replied.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks for being here." She gave him a pat on the butt as he headed back outside.

Rachel came back in and helped Ciara get the plates and glasses down. Howie and Kevin came in and helped them take everything outside while Brian and AJ manned the grille and Nick stayed put in the lounge chair like he promised.

2001-07-06T20:08:00.000-04:00

"Sorry… but here's another bag for the pantry." Kevin grinned. He was happy to see AJ happy. He was going to have to get AJ alone later to talk.

"Oh… thanks." Ciara replied. Both she and AJ were blushing.

"You're welcome." Kevin left them be as he tried not to show how happy he was for AJ. Howie came into the kitchen.

"Where's Bone?" Howie asked.

"Preoccupied at the moment. Why?" Kevin replied.

"Nick was asking for him since he's stuck in bed for a few more days. Wants some fresh meat to conquer with video games." Howie explained.

"Did you see the look on his face?" Ciara asked as AJ helped her put the food away.

"I saw… I'll beat him later." AJ laughed. Ciara playfully hit him on the chest.

"Good girls don't hit." AJ stated as he grabbed her hand. He was flirting with her.

"Who said I was a good girl?" Ciara flirted back, catching AJ off guard.

"Jesus! I don't know why, but I never thought you'd say that." AJ told her. They both laughed.

"I always wanted to say that." Ciara laughed even harder.

"This is a great grille. It doesn't get used much, does it?" Brian asked as he and Rachel checked all the connections.

"About a dozen times a year or so. Ciara and I just don't like to grille for just the two of us." Rachel explained.

"How's it going out here?" Howie joined Rachel and Brian on the patio.

"AJ, Nick would like for you to play some video games with him." Kevin said when Ciara and AJ came out of the pantry. AJ turned to Ciara.

"Need me for anything else?" AJ smiled, wondering what she would say next.

"Not now, maybe later." She replied coyly.

"You two are too cute." Rachel said as she returned from the patio. "And Brian and Howie are having tong wars. You guys don't get to grille much, do ya?" Rachel asked. She got the meat out of the fridge.

"Kev, go separate those two and I'll go hang with Nick." AJ suggested. As he walked past Ciara, he patted her on the rear.

"Alexander James." She warned. He chuckled as he continued out of the kitchen. "Okay, Rachel… what can I help with?" Ciara asked, focusing her attention on helping Rachel with dinner preparations.

2001-07-05T21:01:00.000-04:00

"Ciara?" AJ knocked on her bedroom door early the next morning. He woke up after hearing a noise. When she wasn't in her room, he went looking for her and found her asleep in front of her computer. He picked her up and carried her over to the couch.

"AJ?" she stirred.

"Sssshhhh… go back to sleep." He replied as he put an afghan over her.

"Please don't leave me. I can't lose you again." She said before falling back to sleep.

"I won't leave you. Ever." AJ replied. He moved the recliner chair opposite the couch and got comfortable as he watched her sleep.

"AJ!" Ciara screamed a little while later.

"Ssshhh… I'm right here. Right here, baby." AJ was startled by the scream.

"It was so real." Ciara cried as AJ wrapped his arms around her. Ciara placed her hands on either side of his face and touched him.

"This is real, C…" AJ stated as he looked at her. She calmed down almost instantly.

"I… I… I couldn't find you. One minute we were walking in the garden, and the next, you were gone. Then I couldn't find you and I looked everywhere. I felt so scared." Ciara explained.

"You will always know where I am." AJ promised. He held her a little tighter. They fell asleep with his arms around her and her head on his chest.

"How long does it take to answer a phone?" Kevin asked the next morning. He was trying to call AJ, but he wasn't answering his cell phone.

"Here, call the house directly." Rachel suggested. She gave him the number to call.

"Hello?" a sleepy AJ answered the phone.

"AJ… it's Kevin." Kevin replied.

"Nicky all right?" AJ immediately asked.

"They're releasing Nicky today. We should be there this afternoon." Kevin explained.

"We'll be waiting. Have a safe trip." AJ said before hanging up the phone. He woke up his sound asleep Angel Eyes by singing to her.

Steelheart
I'll Never Let You Go (Angel Eyes)
© 1990
Angel eyes
You have angel eyes
Such a smile that lights up my life oh
You're a dream come true
Now I'm holding you
And I'll never, never let you go
I will never let you go

First time I laid my eyes upon you
All my dreams were answered
First time I kissed your tender lips
My love to you I surrendered
I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

Angel eyes
My heart relies
On the love you give to me
You never let me down
You're always by my side
And I'll never, never let you go
I will never let you go

When my heart starts to crumble
And the tears start to fall
You hold me close with tender lovin'
And give me strength to carry on
I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go
I'll never let you go

You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go oh ooh
And I'll never, never let you go

"I love waking up to your voice." Ciara smiled as she stretched. Once she was up, they got cleaned up and had breakfast before making sure the bedrooms were ready to be inhabited.

"Did Kevin say when they'd be here?" Ciara asked as they sat on the patio.

"Just that they'd see us this afternoon. Why?" AJ inquired.

"Nothing. I guess I'm anxious for them to get here. Ya know… I think I'm going to put some music on. Anything particular you would like to hear?" Ciara asked as she got up.

"Not me!" AJ laughed, referring to the Backstreet Boys music. Ciara disappeared into the house. A few minutes later Boys II Men was heard coming out of the speakers. Ciara was gone for a few more minutes ad returned with lemonade for them both. Before she could sit down, AJ extended his hand to her.

"May I have this dance? He asked. She took his hand and accepted his offer. They danced out on the back porch, both looking deeply into the other's eyes, they became oblivious to the music as they each got lost in their own thoughts.

When Ciara could take no more, she moved in and planted a kiss on AJ's lips. He returned the kiss. When they parted, Ciara realized that it felt right kissing AJ. She didn't feel like she was betraying Rick at all. AJ was trying to read Ciara's face. Was happy? Was she upset? He finally broke the tense silence.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her.

"How I'm ready to move on. I always thought I'd feel guilty if I kissed another man after Rick. But I don't." she admitted.

"That's good, right?" AJ questioned.

"That's really good." Ciara declared before kissing a smiling AJ once more. AJ backed away from her though. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's only been a few days since everything began. Us finding each other the way we did, you getting your memory back… me getting you back. I think we should take things slow. It's only fair… to you, to me, to both of us." He admitted.

"Slow is good." Ciara didn't argue. "Torturous, but good."

"I know that was totally out of character for me, but you're so special to me. If this develops into something more than a friendship, I want it to last!" he explained to her.

"I agree, but AJ… we were only kissing." Ciara couldn't help but giggle.

"Uh oh… that's your mischievous giggle." AJ pointed out.

"I was just remembering our first kiss back when we were fourteen. You were so nervous. You asked me if it was okay if you could kiss me." Ciara was enjoying having her memory back. AJ turned red.

"I was so embarrassed. I didn't know if I should just kiss you or ask you first." He remembered too.

"Well, you won me over completely when you asked. You were always the gentleman with me… always."

"That's because I saw how Jarod and your father were with you and your mom. I wanted to be just like them." AJ walked away from her. The memories tearing him apart; he had missed her family so much. He had missed her so much.

"AJ, I'm sorry for what happened. Please don't walk away from this." Ciara called after him. It was then that they heard a vehicle pull up out front.

"Ciara??? AJ??? We're here!" Rachel called throughout the house moments later.

"We'll talk more later, I promise." AJ swore to her as he walked back to her. They went into the house to greet everyone.

The rest of the afternoon was spent unpacking and getting Nick comfortable. Ciara and Brian and Kevin went grocery shopping while AJ helped Rachel prepare dinner for grilling and Howie hung out with Nick.

"I told you two you should have worn disguises. Now all twenty of your fans will be on our doorstep by supper." Ciara teased as she, Brian, and Kevin came into the kitchen carrying groceries. She had impulsively kissed AJ on the cheek as she made her way to the pantry. Rachel was in shock over what she had just witnessed. Ciara hadn't dated, let alone kissed another man since Rick died.

"Rachel, you okay?" Kevin asked from the other side of the counter.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine." She replied. "Hey, who wants to man the grille?" She changed the subject and put the memory of Ciara kissing AJ in the back of her head so that she could grill Ciara about it later.

"I'll do it." Brian volunteered.

"Great! I'll show you were everything is." Rachel explained as Brian followed her out onto the patio.

"What was that?" AJ followed Ciara into the pantry.

"What was what?" Ciara asked.

"I thought we were taking things slow?" AJ replied.

"We did, that's why the peck on the cheek and not a full kiss on the lips. You don't like?" she asked. She was feeling a bit mischievous.

"Not when I want to do this." AJ said and pulled Ciara into a passionate kiss. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Kevin had cleared his throat.

2001-07-04T12:27:00.000-04:00

”Welcome to my humble abode.” Ciara said that evening when they had arrived at her country Victorian home. AJ looked around the foyer. The home was huge. Seven bedrooms, five baths, two powder rooms, a sauna room, family room, living room, dining room, huge kitchen, rec room, attic, basement, and Ciara’s den. Ciara showed AJ the house and the grounds.

While they were walking, AJ decided to ask her more about the history of the house and grounds and about Rick.

“This place is beautiful, Ciara. How long have you been here?” AJ began.

“My stepfather owned it before he and mom got married. It was a wedding present for me and Rick. Dan and Jarod made this place liveable year round for us. Rick barely knew this place.” Ciara explained.

What do you mean?” AJ asked.

“Well, right after we returned from our honeymoon, Rick was shipped out on assignment for six months overseas. When he returned six months later, we found out about my kidney problems. They put me on the list for a kidney and then everyone in the family was tested. Unbeknownst to me, Rick got tested as well. Turns out, he was my best match. Anyway, a week later, I received a healthy kidney from Rick. He was home for a month. The day he shipped out to Germany, it was the last day I saw him alive. He was killed two days later in a training exercise. The plane he was co-piloting malfunctioned. When he ejected, his head hit a piece of the plane, apparently killing him instantly.” Ciara explained. She had sat down on a bench in front of a rose bush. “We were only married for eight months. Not anywhere near enough time. It’s been nearly three years since he died. “Ciara drifted off, remembering the last time she saw Rick. He wouldn’t let her drive him to the y were both lousy at goodbyes.

“Ciara?” AJ was concerned about her.

“Yes, AJ?” she snapped out of her funk.

“Do you regret him being in the military? Do you think that maybe if he had an everyday job close to home, he’d still be here with you?” AJ wondered.

“No, I don’t think that way. I don’t think of the what ifs or could have beens. We lived life day by day. I don’t regret any of the time I had with Rick or the love we shared. I miss him and I still love him, but I’ll see him again someday.” She smiled. AJ couldn’t tell if she still mourned Rick or if she had truly moved on. AJ decided to change the subject.

“How about we raid the kitchen for dinner?” he was hungry.

“Sounds good. Then we could watch a movie or something.” Ciara added.

They made pasta and sald for dinner and then watched Independence Day on DVD… the special edition. In the middle of the movie, they had a popcorn fight.

“Uh oh.” Ciara laughed when they had stopped throwing popcorn at each other. They looked around the room.

“I think we’ve had a little too much fun here.” AJ declared. They turned off the movie and cleaned up the mess they made.

“I think I’m going to call it a night.” AJ said after a yawn escaped from his weary body.

I’ll show you to your room.” Ciara offered. She wasn’t ready to go to bed just yet. She was going to go to the dent and get some writing done.

2001-06-26T19:21:00.000-04:00

“Bobby, are you and Eddie okay?” Ciara had talked to Jarod and when they were done, he gave the phone to Bobby.

“We’re okay, you okay?” he countered.

“I’m doing better. You take care of each other and listen to Jarod and Susie and if you want to talk to me, call me. Okay?”

“Jarod says to be happy and I promise. Love you… gotta go.” Bobby said and quickly hung up the phone. Ciara had just finished being on her phone for over three hours. She had called her therapist, Jarod and the boys, her assistant, her editor, and her publisher. Her life felt in balance again.

Rachel had gone online to check her email and catch up on her reading. They both loved fan fiction, but tried not to admit it too often.

Ciara was just about to get some more writing done when AJ called to let them know that the photo shoot was running behind schedule and for the girls to have lunch on their own. AJ also told Ciara that a car with security detail would come for the girls around four pm. Ciara said that was fine and that it would give her a chance to get some more writing done. She then handed her celly to Rachel and AJ handed his to Kevin so that Rachel and Kevin could talk.

“Okay C… before you get lost in your writing, let’s order lunch.” Rachel suggested after she and Kevin were finished. Ciara agreed. Once lunch was ordered, she dove into writing again.

”So AJ, what was Ciara screaming about last night?” Kevin asked.

“Bad dream. She didn’t want to discuss it. She’ll talk when she’s ready.” AJ and Kevin had moved away from Howie, Brian, and Nick to discuss the girls.

“I know. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but Rachel says the nightmares can get pretty bad.” Kevin wanted AJ to be prepared.

“Thanks. So what’s going on with you and Rachel? I though she and Brian would be the ones to get together.” AJ commented.

“She’s refreshing. Strong, intelligent, not too domineering, inquisitive, funny, challenging, and I love her laugh. It’s so contagious.” Kevin pictured Rachel’s face in front of him.

The guys continued to dish about the girls all through lunch. AJ deduced that Kevin was falling hard for Rachel and that it was totally unexpected.

“Kev… AJ… come check out the lounge.” Nick finally shouted after a few minutes of trying to get their attention by waving his arms and clearing this throat. They all had an hour or so to relax.

“Nick, are you feeling all right? You look a little flushed.” Kevin asked as they all walked back to the lounge.

AJ wished Ciara was with him. Now that they found each other after twelve years and many lies, he never wanted to be without her ever again. He was going to do everything he possibly could to keep her in his life forever more.

“Earth to AJ!” Brian had been playing checkers with AJ when AJ zoned out.

“Sorry… my turn?” AJ finally reacted to Brian’s voice.

“Where did you go?” Brian asked.

“Home again and I never thought I could go back ever again.” AJ replied. He was always told that home is where your heart is and his heart was with Ciara. Still.

The guys relaxed until sound check. Once theirs was over, their opening act set up.

“Hey guys, check out our opening act.” Howie said as the guys watched the roadies put up the keyboard and drums. The name of the act was The Replacement Wannabes.

“They’re a cover band of mostly eighties music.” Jamie explained, “They’re really hot here in Boston.”

“Sure they are.” AJ replied. `Anyone named The Replacement Wannabes just had to be trouble’, he thought.

I’m going to go see when the girls will get here. Excuse me.” AJ said. He was still upset with Jamie for trying to talk Ciara into recording the songs they sang the night before onto a maxi-CD single.

“You’re in luck. They’re on their way.” Max, one of their inner circle security team members, explained.

“I’ll be out next to the bus waiting for them.” AJ expressed as he walked by the guys and Jamie.

“Boy Jamie! What did you do to tick AJ off?” Kevin asked as AJ walked away from the group.”

“He’ll get over it.” Was Jamie’s response.

”The answer is no! I’m not singing again. I did last night as a favor to AJ and the guys. I’m not doing it again. I am not a singer.” Ciara was ambushed the second she and Rachel got into the limousine. “Does AJ know you’re here? Because if he did, you’d be in hot water.” Ciara was beyond mad.

“Hear me out… it would just be the four songs that you and AJ sang last night. Just you and AJ and the band backing you up and it would be billed as `Johnny No Name and Lady C’.” the record producer remained calm, which set Ciara off even more.

“Ciara… deep breadths.” Rachel said sternly. Ciara was flushed from being angry.

“Stop the limousine.” Ciara ordered. The producer didn’t budge. Rachel called Kevin’s cell phone.

”Rach… what’s wrong?” Kevin immediately answered the phone. He listened to Rachel explain what was happening.

“All right, all right. Call down. AJ and I will get to the bottom of this. Where are you?” Kevin asked. The girls had gotten out of the limousine and could see the Fleet Center. They were walking towards it. Kevin hung up with Rachel, then turned to Jamie.

“You just couldn’t respect their wishes, could you?” Kevin said before heading off to find AJ. Brian, Howie, and Nick were curious as to what happened. When Kevin reached AJ, AJ was on the phone.

“Ok, I’ll send Max out to meet you two. Are you all right?” AJ asked into the phone. Kevin assumed he was talking to Ciara.

“Yes AJ, we’re fine… just getting some exercise.” Ciara explained. She didn’t tell him what happened, just that she needed some fresh air so they decided to walk. Rachle took her phone from her.

“AJ, it’s Rachel. I told Kevin what happened. Ciara just doesn’t want to be any trouble. Ciara was ambushed by one of Jive’s record producers in the limousine. That’s why we got out of it.” Rachel told AJ the truth.

“Rachel!” Ciara begged Rachel to stop. By this time, the limousine had pulled in next to the bus.

“Rachel… Security will meet you. Max is on his way.” AJ hung up the phone. He waitined until the limousine door opened. “I though you should know… I’m not going onstage tonight.” AJ said before going over to Max and explaining what he needed Max to do.

“What the hell is going on?” the record producer asked.

“Kyle, we know what you tried to do to Ciara just now, and frankly, I’m not going on either.” Kevin stated. Brain, Nick, and Howie all backed Kevin and AJ up and declared that they weren’t going on either.

“Hear me out guys… please.” Kyle begged.

“No! If you can’t respect AL and Ciara’s wishes, then tonight is a washout. You want to go out there and tell the fans or should we?” Kevin stated.

“You win… you win.” Kyle said. AJ had come back over to the gang.

“Jamie’s fired. Get us someone else to do his job.” AJ stated, “and if anyone tries this again. I walk. Not just from performing, but from the label.” AJ left everyone standing next to the limousine as he went back on the bus to await Ciara.

The girls met up with Max and a few of the security detail just outside the entrance to the parking lot of the Fleet Center. Max had strict orders to take the girls straight to the bus.

Nothing was mentioned about the limousine. Kyle and Jamie were nowhere in sight when the girls arrived. They were ushered to the bus. All five guys were concerned and very apologetic about what happened.

“It’s okay guys. Can we just forget about it? Please?” Ciara asked. She just wanted the entire incident to be forgotten.

“So what all did you do today?” AJ asked Ciara to change the subject.

“The usual… harassed people on the phone, wrote lies about them and then gossiped about it all with everyone I possibly could.” She joked. Everyone laughed.

“You are wonderful.” AJ said and pulled her into a hug.

“How about some food?” There’s no meet and greet tonight so it’ll be a nice, long dinner hour.” Howie suggested. The gang all went to the dining area.

Howie’s family and Nick’s family were in the dining hall so everyone sat around and talked with them for awhile.

“Ciara Bryar!” Came a loud, booming voice from one end of the room. She recognized the voice instantly.

“Uncle Tony!” she looked at AJ. He nodded. She lit up. Uncle Tony was like a father to AJ. He wondered if Tony knew what happened. AJ followed behind Ciara as she ran to Tony.

“It’s so good to see you uncle Tony!” Ciara declared as they embraced.

“Same here little one. You look as beautiful as I imagined. AJ, son, you’re looking well. New tattoos?” The men exchanged nods of approval.

“Not lately. Have you talked to mom?” AJ asked.

“Both your moms called me. Ciara, hearing from your mom after all these years and finding out that you were still here is quite a shock. If I wasn’t here with you standing in front of me, I’d still be denying it.” Tony explained.

“So they lied to you too?” AJ asked. Uncle Tony nodded in response.

“Is my mom all right?” Ciara asked.

“Yes, she should be back home by now. Your stepdad is a great guy, Ciara. And AJ, your mom is sorry about all of this.”

“I know, I just need a day or two to calm down. So… can you stay?” AJ asked. Tony said he could. They joined the others and helped Rachel and Ciara get some more insight on the guys.

Before Ciara and Rachel could be put in the hot seat though, it was time for the guys to get ready and the opening act to take the stage.

After the concert, the guys received their itinerary for the following day. Ciara and Rachel boarded the bus with the guys to return to the hotel. Kevin, Rachel, Howie, and Brian decided to go out dancing. Nick wasn’t feeling very well so he opted to stay back and go to bed. Ciara and AJ ordered room service and talked.

Around two am, Nick knocked on the door.

“Nicky? What’s wrong?” AJ asked as soon as he saw his young friend.

“I really don’t feel well. Something’s wrong.” Nick replied. Ciara felt his forehead. He was burning up.

“Call Rachel. She’ll know what to do.” Ciara told AJ. She spit out Rachel’s cell phone number as she helped Nick to the couch. AJ got through right away to Rachel. She and the guys were on their way back to the hotel.

“They’ll be back any minute. Nick, buddy, what’s wrong?” AJ asked. Both he and Ciara were concerned about Nick. Ciara had gone to the bathroom and prepared a cool, wet washcloth to wipe down his face.

“Ache all over, can’t keep anything down and my right side is killing me. Can’t get warm.” Nick’s voice was cracking. His symptoms sounded like appendicitis to Ciara.

“I’m not waiting for Rachel. Nick, we need to get you to the hospital. How long have you been feeling this way?” Ciara asked as she called the front desk.

“A couple of days, but not as bad as now.” He admitted.

Ciara asked the front desk if they had a house doctor, when they said no, Ciara asked for them to call 911.

“911! Are you nuts? This will be all over the news by six am!” Nick cried out.

“I’d rather have this on there than them announcing your death, Nick. Now listen to Doctor Ciara!” AJ said sternly to Nick.

“AJ, can you carry Nick to the elevator?” Let’s meet the ambulance downstairs.” Ciara wanted to get Nick to the hospital as soon as possible. Without hesitation AJ scooped up Nick and carried him.

“You’ve lost weight pal.” AJ said to Nick.

“That’s what happens when you can’t keep anything down. Man, I ache.” Nick said. He rested his head on AJ’s shoulder as AJ held onto him in the elevator. They arrived on the first floor as the paramedics were waiting to take an elevator up to their floor. Rachel and the guys were just arriving back at the hotel.

Ciara repeated everything Nick had told her and AJ and what she and AJ had observed to the paramedics.

“I’m a nurse.” Rachel jumped right in to help the paramedics.

“Recuperation after emergency surgery of your appendix is necessary, Nick.” Rachel explained as Nick came to in recovery the next morning.

“How long?” Nick asked. They had moved him to his own room and had given him a sedative to sleep. Rachel said she’d stay with him until he did.

“Two to three weeks. Management has been notified. And the dates will be rescheduled for the tour. Ciara and I would like it if you stayed with us at our place on the outskirts of New York City.” Rachel expressed that she wanted to look after him.

“What do the guys think?” Nick asked. He didn’t like going for three weeks without seeing them.

“Well, depending on itinerary, Kevin and AJ said they’d like to come stay with us. Howie and Brian don’t know about the offer yet. C’mon Nick. It’ll do you good and Ciara and I don’t bite.” Rachel smiled.

“I’d like that. Thanks Rachel.” Nick said before drifting off to sleep. She went out to the waiting room where everyone else was.

“How’s he doing?” Brian asked.

“He’s going to be just fine.” Rachel told everyone. She then told everyone about what she and Nick talked about and invited Brian and Howie to join them all at the house.

After Ciara and AJ visited Nick, they headed back to the hotel to pack up their things and Nick’s. They were going back to the house to get it ready for everyone.

AJ managed to have both himself and Nick packed before Ciara was ready to go.

“Hey slow poke!” AJ teased from the doorway.

“You can’t be done already!” she laughed as she looked at AJ standing in the doorway.

“Being on the road a lot, you learn to pack and never to unpack.” He laughed.

“I’ll just be a few more minutes. We’re not going to be late for the plane, are we?” she asked.

“No, we’ll make it.” He said as a bell hop arrived to help with their bags. Ciara finished zipping up her bags and handed them to AJ.

2001-06-25T19:28:00.000-04:00

“Ciara? Do you believe that Dylan would want you to move on with your life and find someone to love and grow old with?” Rachel asked as they re-applied their make-up and did their hair. They had taken quick showers when they got back to the bus and were just about ready to join the guys so Ciara and AJ could go on stage to open up the concert.

“He told me he did. We discussed it when we found out I was in need of the transplant or I would die. What about you and Doug? Did you two ever discuss it?” Ciara asked as she put her hair in a french braid.

“Yes, and I promised him I would, but now that it’s here… I’m hesitant.” She admitted.

“I know what you mean. But why are you hesitant?” You think maybe you and Brian may have something?” Ciara was curious.

“No, me and Kevin.” Rachel applied her lipstick as Ciara’s jaw dropped.

“I thought you and Brian hit it off the other night fairly well. I thought for sure you two would connect. Now, excuse me a sec while I pick my jaw up off the ground.” Ciara was stunned.

We did, but Kevin’s more mysterious and dangerous. He snuck into my bunk last night and held me in his arms. We necked and I really enjoyed that. Brian’s just a little too pure for me.” Rachel explained.

“Excuse me? Too pure for you? Since when?” Ciara held back the laughter that was dying to come out.

“I just really think Kevin is someone I could fall for. He interests me.” Rachel defended herself. “What about you and AJ. Could there be something developing with you two? I see the way you both look at each other.” Rachel turned the tables on Ciara.

“Too soon to tell. It’s only been a few days since he came into my life and brought back the memories I’ve been missing.”

“When you were thirteen/fourteen years old, did you have a crush on him?” Rachel asked. The girls didn’t know it, but AJ was walking under an open window of the bus and stopped in his tracks when he heard Rachel ask that question.

“Back then, I felt and believed AJ and I would be together forever. He had asked me to be his girl the day of the accident.” Ciara sighed, “I don’t know if it was lust, puppy love, or the real thing, but it was powerful. I had the butterflies in my stomach and physically ached when we went a day or two without speaking.” Ciara teared up just thinking about it and her hands began to shake.

“Are you okay?” Rachel noticed something was wrong.

“Yeah, I’m just… I don’t know… nervous… I’m not sure. Anyway, I’m hoping that the rest of this week and next helps bridge the gap between before the coma and after it. God! My therapist is going to love me.” She finished as there was a knock on the door to the bus.

“Girls? Are you decent?” AJ yelled. Rachel threw a blanket over Ciara’s outfit.

“What are you doing?” Ciara laughed.

“Just trust me. You want to surprise him with how you look tonight, all right?” Rachel flew by Ciara to open the door.

“Hey AJ. What’s up?” Rachel asked.

“I forgot something on the bus. Can I come in and get it?” AJ asked.

“”Sure.” Rachel let him in.

“AJ went right to his bunk and retrieved the picture of Ciara and him at a friend’s birthday party a week before their accident. He wore it in a pocket for every performance. When he walked back towards the frount of the bus, Ciara called out to him and stood behind him, making sure her outfit was hidden.

“AJ?” she called out. He turned around to find her standing next to him.

`Restraint, AJ… restraint!’ he said to himself.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Good luck tonight.” She said. AJ pulled her into a passionate kiss, all restraint was gone.

“I have you back in my life now. You’re all the luck I need.” AJ said and left the bus. Ciara was in shock. She could not believe that just happened. Rachel hadn’t seen the kiss but had a feeling it happened just by the look on Ciara’s face.

“Ciara? Are you okay?” Rachel asked. Ciara managed to sit back down and nod as she re-played the kiss in her mind.

“Oh my.” Ciara sighed and placed a hand on her lips, remembering the kiss.

“What? He kissed you, didn’t he?” Rachel asked.

“Oh yeah!” Ciara replied.

“And how was it?” Rachel wanted details.

“Wonderful, breathtaking, amazing.” Ciara stated. AJ was standing underneath the window and threw his hands up in the victory sign. He was ecstatic. He had been wanting to kiss Ciara like that since he saw her in New York at the MTV studios.

”Five minutes AJ! Where’s Ciara?” one of the crew asked.

“Right here.” Ciara and Rachel joined AJ backstage.

“Everything okay?” AJ asked Ciara.

“Couldn’t be better. Let’s go do this.” Ciara was pumped after that kiss.

Nick introduced them to the audience.

“Hey everyone. We have a special treat for you tonight, but first I have a message for Krystal – K… the guys and I hope you’re feeling better soon. We love you and miss you! And now appearing for one night and one night only, Johnny No Name and Lady C!” Nick pointed to AJ and Ciara as they came out on stage holding hands. The band started the music right away. The audience loved them. Brian, Kevin, Rachel, Nick, and Howie all watched them from the side of the stage. They worked the crowd while stealing glances at each other.

“She’s a natural!” Kevin declared as AJ and Ciara finished the four-song set.

“That was amazing!” Ciara exclaimed when she and AJ ran off stage.

“You two were great! Listen to that crowd!” Jamie, the stage manager, stated. Rachel and the guys pulled Ciara and AJ into a big congratulatory hug.

“Can I have a moment alone with AJ please?” Ciara asked everyone. She took him by the hand and led him into a curtained-off section. As soon as the curtain was closed, she returned the kiss he gave her back on the bus.”

“Wow! What was that for?” AJ couldn’t help but grin.

“Just returning something. We’ve got a lot to talk about and all the time in the world. But first, I just wanted to thank you for waking me up. And I’ve been wanting to do that since the kiss on the bus.” Ciara spoke really fast.

“Can we do that again?” AJ asked. Ciara looked up as if she was asking for permission and realized that Dylan made her promise to go on with life, love, and happiness and that she didn’t need to ask for permission. She already had it.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Ciara smiled as they kissed again.

Kevin, Nick, Brian, Howie, and Rachel all high-fived each other on the other side of the curtain.

“Did you hear something?” AJ asked, breaking the kiss. Rachel and the guys ran for cover.

“Just your heartbeat.” Ciara admitted. AJ blushed.

“It just feels so right, kissing you.” AJ told her as he traced her jaw line with a finger.

“I know. Look. I can’t promise anything right now. There’s so much going on that I need to process and sort out, but I don know that there could be something amazing between us.” Ciara was trying to be fair, honest, and level-headed with AJ.

“So there’s hope?” AJ asked.

“There’s always hope AJ.” She promised.

“Ten minutes AJ. We need a costume change from you.” Jamie yelled from outside the curtain.

“That’s me. I have to go. Security will take you and Rachel to the VIP section. We’ll see you after the show.” AJ flashed Ciara a smile and kissed her cheek. She held onto his hand for a few more seconds. AJ’s eyes met Ciara’s. She had a lot more to say to him. She longed for the concert to be over so she could tell him.

“Have fun out there AJ.” She said as she let go of his hand. She stayed back in the curtained area for a moment, closing her eyes and picturing Dylan. “You were right Dylan. Thank you so much. I’ll always love you.” Ciara spoke softly as she reached for the locket Dylan had given her. She took it off and placed it in her zippered pocked of her jeans.

“Ciara? Everything all right?” Rachel asked.

“Yeah, Rachel. Everything’s great. Let’s go.” Ciara said. She gave the rest of the guys a hug and kiss for good luck before security led her and Rachel to the VIP section so they could enjoy the concert.

The concert rocked. Ciara and Rachel enjoyed themselves thoroughly as they watched the guys perform. Towards the end of the show, before the encore, security took them backstage where they met the guys and cheered them back onstage. Ciara knew she and AJ needed to talk. He gave her a knowing look before going back onstage.

“I have never seen a connection so trusting and so tight like the one you and AJ have.” Rachel commented.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Dylan never had something so intense.”

“AJ and I have a second chance, Rachel. Something that, hopefully, will replace the first chance we never truly had. I’m happy we’re here, Rachel. Thanks for entering the contest and winning.” Ciara said.

“Who knew!” Rachel shrugged as the two women embraced.

After the concert, they all boarded the tour bus to ship out to Boston for two shows at the Fleet Center. Nick and Howie played video games, Brian was working on a song, and Rachel and Kevin were talking. Ciara had changed into some comfy clothing while AJ was talking up front with Jamie.

“No Jamie. No deal. Jamie called Jive records after sound check to tell them about Ciara. He wanted Ciara and AJ to record the songs for retail later in the year.

She needs to share her voice with everyone. It’s so beautiful.” Jamie stuck his ground.

“Jamie, I lost her once due to outside forces, I just got her back, I’m not going to lose her again! She stated this was a one shot deal and that’s it. Don’t make me choose between her and you because you’ll lose Jamie… You’ll lose.” AJ was livid. When he returned to the back of the bus, Ciara was asleep on the couch next to Nick and Howe. They had put a movie in.

“Everything okay?” Howie asked AJ. AJ just nodded as he sat in the chair on the other side of Ciara. Howie woke Nick up and pointed him in the direction of his bunk, said good night to AJ and then went to his own bunk. Kevin and Rachel were still sitting at the table talking. Brian was no where in sight. AJ moved to the other side of Ciara and got under the covers with her.

“AJ? She stirred.

“Ssshhh… back to sleep C…” he spoke softly. They slept on the couch together for a few hours until they reached Boston and the hotel. Once everyone was checked in, Ciara slept in AJ’s room with him. Kevin and Rachel were in the next room sleeping when they heard Ciara scream.

“Ciara!” Rachel awoke to Ciara’s screams and went to go to her. Kevin stopped her.

“AJ’s with her. She’ll be okay.” Kevin reassured her.

“Sorry, it’s just automatic for me.” She replied.

”Ciara baby, what is it?” AJ asked.

“Bad dream. Don’t want to discuss it. Go back to sleep AJ.” Ciara got out of bed to splash some water on her face. “He’s not going to die on you, Ciara. Get a grip.” Ciara scolded herself. Her dream was about AJ being hurt. She couldn’t find him and when she did, Jarod and Rachel told her he was gone.

AJ waited up for her. Even if she didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want her to feel alone. When she didn’t come out after fifteen minutes, AJ checked on her.

“C’mon Ciara. Come back to bed.” AJ knocked on the door. Ciara opened the door. AJ took one look into her eyes and knew the nightmare was about him. He opened his arms for her. “I’m not going anywhere.” He said as they hugged. A few minutes later, they went back to bed.

The guys had a photo shoot in the morning so after breakfast the girls went back to their room. Ciara made a few calls to check on the twins, her mom, and to talk to her therapist.

2001-06-22T23:36:00.000-04:00

AJ just watched Ciara sleep. Ciara's stepfather, Dan, checked on them about an hour later. AJ was asleep with his arms around Ciara.

"They use to sleep like that when they were kids." Jarod explained as he was walking by.

"They really were inseparable, weren't they?" Dan asked.

"Yes, and my mother doing what she did robbed my sister of AJ and the first fourteen years of her life and then robbing them both of the past twelve just sickens me, Dan. I love my mother, but she was wrong." Jarod expressed his feelings and then headed for the living room.

When Ciara began to wake up, she could smell AJ's aftershave and feel his arms around her and then she concentrated and heard his heart beat. `This feels so good and so right', she said to herself.

AJ was already awake.

"Hey! You're awake. How do you feel?" he asked.

"Complete… whole again… happy." She replied with a smile. She truly did feel that way. "How about you?" she asked him.

"I'm okay, but I think we should leave and get a hotel for the night. I don't like seeing you in so much pain." AJ admitted.

"Can I just have a few minutes alone with my mom? I don't want to leave things on a bad note. She needs to know that I love her but that I'm very disappointed in her and that I'm angry." Ciara explained. She really did love her mom, but she needed time.

"How's your headache? Is it still lingering?" AJ was concerned.

"A little. It'll be gone by morning."

"Why don't you write your mom a note? This way you can still tell her everything you want to and your migraine won't get any worse." AJ suggested. Ciara thought about his suggestion for a few minutes.

"Deal, but can we just lay here like this for a few minutes. I feel so safe and complete now here like this." Ciara never wanted him to let go of her.

"Sure." AJ said. He sang I Promise You to her. It was so sweet.

After he was finished, they got up and got ready to leave. While she wrote her mom a note, he looked at the various awards and pictures and books that were about in her room. He learned a lot about her in those few moments and she didn't even say a word.

As they were leaving, Ciara asked her stepfather to give her mom the note. Jarod ran out to them.

"Take care of her, AJ, like I know you will." He told Jarod.

"I swear, J. We'll call you from the road." AJ got in the driver's seat. He and Ciara left for Connecticut to join up with Rachel and the guys. They stopped for a bite to eat and to look for a hotel for the night. Ciara's headache continued to fade away. They called Rachel and the guys. Rachel put them into her speaker phone unit.

"How are you two? How'd things go today?" Rachel asked.

"We got the answers and ralized some things." Ciara admitted. AJ whispered into her free ear "Yah, like that bed is too small for both of us." Ciara felt herself blush as she tried to hold back a giggle.

"Are you still there?" Rachel asked when she didn't here anything from Ciara or AJ.

"No, we're on our way to a hotel. Where are you monsters?" Ciara inquired.

"On a road somewhere. Did you know that Howie can really cook? He threw everything into a crock-pot this morning when we left and we just ate. Yum!" Ciara commented.

"Really? Didn't know that. And how are you getting along with the guys?" Ciara wanted to know which one she was growing close to.

"Well, I told Brian today that I really enjoy spending time with him, but…" Rachel's cell phone cut out.

"Dagnabit!" Ciara laughed.

"What is it?" AJ asked.

"One of the cell phones cut out. Just when she was about to spill her guts too!" Ciara was still laughing. She turned on the radio and found an Adult Contemporary channel. They were currently playing U2's With Or Without You. AJ instinctively sang along to the song as he continued the drive to a hotel that the restaurant manager had recommended.

Ciara sat back and just watched AJ's facial expressions. She was amazed at how sexy he had become since they were little kids. From his chiseled jaw to his painted finger nails, he was a gorgeous man. Ciara hen began to feel silly, she was calling her childhood best friend sexy and gorgeous. What would Rachel say? What would Dylan have said? She smiled as she remembered Dylan. Dylan would have loved AJ. AJ and Dylan would have been friends. They would have gotten along really well. How she missed Dylan so much. Did he do this? Did he send AJ to her? She wondered about that and she knew that anything was possible.

AJ had forgotten momentarily that Ciara was in the car with him. He sang along to the next song that came on when the U2 song was over. It was Bon Jovi Thank You For Loving Me.

Ciara snapped out of her daze that she was in.

"Hey! The fifth member of Bon Jovi!" she teased as they pulled into the hotel parking lot.

Once they were registered, they barely changed into their nightclothes before Ciara was already asleep. AJ covered her with a blanket and turned on the TV.

"Daddy!!!" Ciara screamed, waking herself up from a nightmare just as AJ got to her.

"C?" he asked.

"I thought that with my memory back my nightmares would go away. Doesn't look like it." She began to cry.

"Ssshhh… things are going to be okay. Stop hogging the bed and move over so I can scoot in next to you." AJ comforted Ciara. "Remember the sleepovers we use to have?" AJ asked her.

"Yeah." She was still crying.

"Let's pretend we're having one of those now." He said. "How many times have we done this?"

"Too numerous to count. Could you just hold me? I'll be okay." Ciara said. AJ laid flat on his back and let Ciara lay her head on his chest. She fell back to sleep listening to his heartbeat.

When they woke the next morning, it was raining outside.

"Everything's new again." Ciara said as she opened the curtain.

"Are you okay? You tossed and turned most of the night." AJ commented.

"I'm sorry. I'm still processing everything and the confrontation with mom yesterday."

"It's all right. We should get going as soon as possible though." AJ noted. He let Ciara take a shower first.

They made it to the venue by eleven am just as the bus carrying Rachel and the guys pulled in.

"Someone forgot to turn their cell phones on again." Kevin said as everyone greeted each other.

"Oh crap! I'm sorry." AJ said as he checked his cell phone. Ciara checked hers as well.

"Okay guys. Jamie wants to meet with us about something. Rachel, Ciara? Do you want to come with us?" Howie asked.

"Would you guys mind if we stayed behind and spent time catching up?" Ciara asked.

"Not at all. Gives us guys a chance as well." AJ stated.

"Corey will be at the door to the bus if you two need him. We'll be back soon." Brian stated.

"Ok. What happened yesterday? Dan would only tell me that you nearly had another blackout and that you and Jarod were very upset." Rachel relayed her phone conversation with Ciara's stepfather to Ciara. Ciara explained the previous day's events to her.

"Wow! One would never guess that AJ is a shy, polite person." Rachel declared at the end of Ciara's story.

"He hasn't changed too much oer the years. He's still the guy I remember with a killer voice, gorgeous eyes, and a big heart. So, tell me about your weekend with four of the five Backstreet Boys." Ciara sat back in her seat.

"They are so amazing. They ruly are. We laughed a lot and had so much fun just talking and getting to know each other. I really like Brian and Kevin. They both are very family oriented and know what they want out of life."

"You spent a huge block with Brian though."

"He is just so easy for me to talk to. I told him everything and I feel really good about it."

"And Kevin?"

"Tall, dark, mysterious, great abs. Deep insight." Rachel sighed.

"You get it going on girl!" Ciara laughed. They discussed the guys a little while longer.

"Does AJ know about Dylan?" Rachel turned serious.

"He knows part of it." Ciara admitted and grabbed a tissue to dab her eyes.

"Which part doesn't he know about?" Rachel questioned.

"The kidney donation."

"Now, Krystal has lost her voice to laryngitis for a few days. We don't have an opening act for the next week. What do you guys think we should do?" Jamie asked the guys. The guys all spit out ideas at Jamie. They agreed to try to get some local talent for that night and AJ was going to ask Ciara if she'd like to sing with him.

"How was yesterday, AJ? Did you get the answers you were looking for?" Brian asked as the guys headed back to the bus. They could see fans were already showing up.

"It was an eye-opener. Thanks for asking Bri." AJ gave his friend a pat on the back as the guys all took a few minutes to let a few of the fans take some pictures and sign a few autographs.

"Remember when… we never needed each other… the best of friends… like sister and brother…" AJ found himself singing softly to himself as he smiled for a young man in a wheelchair.

"Hi! I'm AJ. What's your name?" AJ asked the young man.

"Eric. It's nice to meet you." Eric stated.

AJ and Eric carried on a conversation for nearly a half hour. AJ found out the boy had been in an accident while diving in a high school competition and that he listened to the guys every day during physical therapy. Before AJ left to join the gang on the bus, he asked Eric what his favorite song was. Eric told him and thanked him again as well as wished him luck at the concert.

Ciara had seen the last bit of interaction between AJ and the young man and managed to take a few pictures of them together.

"AJ hasn't done that in a while." Nick commented when Ciara got back on the bus.

"Done what?" Ciara questioned.

"Greeted the fans and talk one-on-one like that with just one of them for so long. He's usually running around with a water gun or silly string." Nick shook his head and laughed. The AJ he knew and loved was back and it was because of Ciara. Ciara was startled by the ringing of her cell phone.

"Hello?" she answered the phone.

"Hey! It's Jarod. Eddie and Bobby are with me. Mom took off. Dan went after her." Jarod reported.

"Are the guys okay?" Ciara asked.

"They're confused, hurt, angry." Jarod explained.

"Should I come there? Should I come back?" Ciara asked.

"No, no. I just wanted you to know what was happening. And to make sure you were all right."

"I'm with Rachel, AJ, and the guys and I'm doing all right. How about you and I have dinner when I get back?" she suggested.

"Sounds good. Something I think we need." Jarod admitted.

"Okay. I'll call you when I get back from vacation. In the meantime, if Eddie and Bobby want to talk to me about anything, have them call me." Ciara wanted her brothers to know she was there for them.

"I promise. Go and have some fun. You deserve it." Jarod hung up with his sister.

"Everything okay?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, the twins are staying with Jarod for a few days. Mom took off and Dan went after her." Ciara explained. "So, what's on the agenda?"

"Lunch, then sound check, then a fan meet and greet and then we sing." AJ came onto the bus.

"No opening act tonight?" Ciara asked.

"C… I was wondering if you'd like to sing with me tonight." AJ said out of the blue.

"No way! Absolutely not!" Ciara stated.

"Ciara, you'll have fun. It's something you've always wanted to do. Remember the list?" Rachel remarked.

"We don't even know what to sing or what we sound like together. I'm not ready." Ciara stated.

"Not even for fun? Just fun?" AJ gave Ciara his famous puppy dog eyes that she would die for.

"What shall we sing?" Ciara gave in and agreed. Everyone clapped. AJ was thrilled that Ciara agreed to sing. He sent one of the crewmen out to get a video camera and some blank tapes to tape their duets for them.

Ciara and AJ talked with the band to find out what songs they knew. Out of a list of fifteen duets, Ciara and AJ picked out four. Rachel, Jamie, and the guys went down in front of the stage to listen to them rehearse.

Next Time I Fall

Love like a road that never ends
How it leads me back again
To heartache
I'll never understand
Darling, I put my heart upon a shelf
'Till the moment was right, and I told myself

The next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do
The next time I fall in love
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Now as I look into your eyes
Well I wonder if it's wise
To hold you like I've wanted to before
Tonight I was thinking that you might
Be the one who breathes life in this heart of mine

The next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do
The next time I fall in love
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Next time I'm gonna follow through
And if it drives me crazy
I will know better why
The next time I try

The next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do
The next time I fall in love
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

(I Wanna Take) Forever Tonight

Feel your breath on my shoulder
And I know we couldn't get any closer
I don't wanna act tough, I just wanna fall in love
As we move into the night I get crazy
Thinking how it's gonna be with you baby
I don't wanna play rough I've been loving you enough
Oh, baby

I wanna take forever tonight
Wanna stay in this moment forever
I'm gonna give you all the love that I've got
I wanna take forever tonight
Fill you up, fill you up with love
When we close the door all I need is in your eyes
I wanna take forever tonight

Touch my lips, I'm on fire
You're the only one I'll ever desire
Turn the lights down low, make the world go slow
When I'm holding you tonight it's so easy
Nothing moves me like you do when you tease me
And to rush would be a crime
I just wanna spend some time with you baby

I wanna take forever tonight
Wanna stay in this moment forever
I'm gonna give you all the love that I've got
I wanna take forever tonight
Fill you up, fill you up with love
When we close the door all I need is in your eyes
I wanna take forever tonight

And when I'm here beside you
I wanna see what drives you out of your mind
I never wanna leave I only wanna be with you
'Cause I love how you feel your love is so real

I wanna take forever tonight
Wanna stay in this moment forever
I'm gonna give you all the love that I've got

I wanna take forever tonight
Wanna stay in this moment forever
I'm gonna give you all the love that I've got
'Cause I can't live without you

After All

Well, here we are again;
I guess it must be fate.
We've tried it on our own,
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight.

I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new.
Every memory repeats,
Every step I take retreats,
Every journey always brings me back to you.

After All the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.
After All that we've been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be,
Forever you and me, After All.

When love is truly right
(This time it's truly right.)
It lives from year to year.
It changes as it goes,
Oh, and on the way it grows,
But it never disappears,

After All the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.
After All that we've been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be,
Forever you and me, After All.

Always just beyond my touch,
You know I needed you so much.
After All, what else is livin' for?

After All the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.
After All that we've been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be,
Forever you and me, After All.

After All the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.
After All that we've been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be,
Forever you and me, After All.

At The Beginning

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody somewhere
I need love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing is going to tear us apart

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin' on
Starting out on a journey

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'

In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning
With you

"Wow! She has a great voice!" Kevin was shocked.

"That was unbelievable!" Nick declared.

"Wow!" was all Howie could think of.

"Why doesn't she pursue a career in music?" Brian asked Rachel.

"Because her passion is writing." Rachel commented.

"She's going to blow the crowd away tonight!" Jamie exclaimed.

"That was fantastic!" AJ said when they were done rehearsing all four songs. The band agreed with him.

"Thanks AJ. You weren't so bad yourself." Ciara blushed.

"Even better than I remember of us singing when we were younger." AJ was still amazed at how well their voices blended together and at how wonderful it felt to sing with her.

"Don't even ask me. I know what you all want to ask me." Ciara said to everyone. "I'm doing this for one night and one night only. I'm not meant to be singing music, I'd rather write." Ciara explained.

"Well, we're lucky to have you for the evening then." Jamie got an idea in his head. "Guys, continue on with your sound check… I'll be right back." Jamie announced and disappeared backstage. Ciara joined Rachel out in the audience to listen to the rest of the sound check.

"How'd it feel up there on stage singing with AJ?" Rachel asked.

"As if it was just me and him and that we've been doing it forever." Ciara admitted.

"Hey girls!" Brian said into the microphone. Ciara and Rachel looked up at the guys and got attacked by silly string. Rachel was prepared and managed to get Nick and Kevin. Ciara was too busy laughing to care what was happening. She was remembering her thirteenth birthday party and the fun they had.

"Ciara, you're a mess!" Rachle laughed as the guys all ran out of silly string.

"It's okay, they were having fun. " She replied, snapping back to the here and now.

"You two look like multi-colored spaghetti!" AJ said as the guys made their way down to them.

"Gee, I wonder why!" Ciara laughed. AJ and Kevin helped the girls get all the silly string off.

"Guys, time for the meet and greet!" Jamie yelled a half hour later.

"You two want to come?" AJ asked. The girls decided to go with them.

"Forgive our appearance. We were having a silly string fight and lost track of time." AJ announced to the fans as they entered the blocked off section of the backstage area. The fans went crazy cheering for the guys. One-by-one, the fans went by the guys and got an autograph and pictures taken. An hour and a half later, everyone was backstage again. Ciara and Rachel went back to the tour bus to get ready while the guys got ready in the venue.

2001-06-21T20:11:00.000-04:00

Ciara and Rachel finished packing before Ciara spoke to her.

"AJ and I are going to go see my mom this afternoon. That's when I was going to tell him about the kidney." Ciara finally spoke.

"I'm sorry. You know how protective I ah of you. Why didn't you tell him about the donor?" Rachel was curious.

"Because that's the hardest part of all. To know that my donor was killed a month later really hurts." Ciara broke down just thinking about it.

Rachel felt really bad for bringing everything up. She wondered though, just how much Ciara did tell AJ about her past.

An hour later… Ciara and Rachel were sitting in the hotel room; Ciara was writing in her book while Rachel was checking email when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Ciara opened the door to Brian. He looked upset.

"What's wrong Brian? Where's AJ?" Ciara asked as she let him into the room.

"He and his mom were arguing and she slapped him and he bolted. I was hoping he came back here. But…" Brian stopped, "He said to me not to let his mom near you. What does he mean by that?" Brian questioned.

"I don't know." Ciara was puzzled. She wanted to know what AJ and his mom discussed and why he took off.

Brian called the rest of the guys and had them come to the girls' room. While he did that, AJ showed up with his bags packed.

"C… are you ready?" AJ asked. He had been crying.

"AJ, is everything okay?" Brian asked.

"Things will be fine, B-Rok. Thanks for asking." AJ stated.

"Where are you two going?" Rachel asked.

"To see my mom and then we'll meet up with you in Connecticut for tomorrow's concert." Ciara explained.

"Just think, Rach… you get four of the five Backstreet guys all to yourself."

"But you'll be the one I miss." Rachel and Ciara hugged as the rest of the guys showed up.

"Looks like we're ready to go!" Kevin announced.

"AJ, everything's set. Drive carefully. We'll see you tomorrow." Howie explained.

"Thanks guys. Ciara, shall we?" AJ asked Ciara.

"Yes… just one last check of the room before we go." Ciara explained as she checked the bathroom.

They all left the hotel together. AJ and Ciara headed for her mom's, Rachel and the guys headed for Connecticut.

AJ and Ciara didn't talk much in the car, but they sang along to the CD player.

"Okay AJ, I don't know how my mom's going to react, but, I just wanted to prepare you in case she freaks out." Ciara explained. They were about a mile from her mom's. She noticed the twins and Jarod's kids walking towards the park. Ciara pulled the car over to say hi.

"Hey kids…" Ciara said as she got out of the car. The kids all noticed her and ran over to her. Jarod's daughter.

"Um, Auntie… why is AJ with you?" her niece asked.

"Because he's an old, old friend Amy. AJ, I'd like you to meet one of your youngest fans, Amy. Amy, I'd like you to meet your favorite Backstreet Bo, AJ McLean."

"Hi Amy." AJ said and knelt down to her level.

"So uncle Jarod was correct. You got your memory back?" her younger brother, Eddie, commented.
"Yeah, wait until I tell you some stories about your dad!" Ciara laughed.

"Mom doesn't know you're coming, does she?" Bobby, her other brother, asked.

"No, didn't wanna give her the chance to flee." The boys both understood what she meant. Amy started tugging at Eddie's shirt. "You guys go have fun. We'll see you later." Ciara and AJ said goodbye to the kids and continued on to the house.

When they arrived at the house, Ciara parked the car behind her mom's.

"Nervous?" AJ asked her.

"Very… you?" Ciara countered.

"A little, let's go." AJ said. As he was about to get out of the car, Ciara grabbed his hand.

"What is it?" AJ asked.

"No matter what happens in there in the next few minutes, I'm glad we found each other again." Ciara admitted to him.

"Me too." AJ kissed her cheek.

"Dad! Mom!" Ciara shouted as she and JA entered the house.

"They're out back." Jarod came out of the kitchen. Ciara ran to him and gave him a hug.

Jarod and AJ looked at each other.

"AJ, it's been too long. It's good to see you." Jarod extended his hand.

"Jarod, man, I've missed you." AJ bypassed the hand and went for a hug. Ciara teared up. "I know we have a lot to catch up on, but C and I are on a mission." AJ explained.

"Well, let's go out back so we can get some answers." Ciara suggested.

"Oh my god! You brought him here! Why?" Ciara's mom questioned as soon as she and AJ stepped through the patio doors. Ciara and AJ looked at each other.

"Because we need answers, momma. Real answers." Ciara replied calmly.

"Would it help if I told you what I know?" AJ suggested as he gave Ciara's mom a hug. Everyone sat down at the picnic table. Jarod and Ciara's stepfather and Jarod's wife also sat down at the table. AJ looked at Jarod and Ciara. "What I'm about to say may or may not be true until it's either confirmed or denied. Please try not to pass judgment until all parties are heard." AJ squeezed Ciara's hand.
"I saw my mom earlier today and we argued about why she lied to me. She said because you said it would be best for your family if you never saw us again. My mom told me a story about her best friend dropping her daughter off to go shopping for her daughter's birthday. Anyway, she took her son and her best friend's daughter out to lunch and saw her best friend cozying up with a man who was not her husband. That same man showed up at the hospital the day of the accident. My mom questioned you about that man. She…"

"My god mom! Did you have an affair?" Jarod blurted out. "Is that why you put us through hell? So you could continue your affair?" Jarod was angry. Ciara was trying to absorb everything. Ciara's mom was sobbing, that was her only emotion.

Ciara put her hands to her face to wipe away the tears.

"You chose some man and to protect that man and your affair over your own children, momma! I don't believe this! How could you do this?" Ciara spoke really fast.

"I was foolish and stupid. I'm sorry." Ciara's mom cried out.

"Did dad know?" Jarod asked.

"No, he didn't know." She admitted.

"Excuse me, mom, why? Why did you do it? Why did you choose him over your children? Why did you pull us away from a boy that we considered our brother? Why did you choose to let your daughter think she purposely didn't want to remember her life? You tore our lives apart for an affair! AJ, I know you asked us not to pass judgment, but right now I'm so disgusted at what she's done… I need to go check on my babies. Children who will know that I won't have an affair with anyone but their mother and I won't choose someone else over them." Jarod said. As he got up, he put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Never doubt how much daddy loved you and that he would never have done what she did." Jarod declared before going back into the house.

"Why momma?" Ciara asked, tears streaming down her face.

"Ciara, please honey, please don't get so upset." Her stepfather begged.

"I already have the beginning of a migraine dad. And as far as momma, ultimately, she has to answer to God for the affair, but I need to know, why on earth did you keep me away from AJ?" Ciara's head was pounding and her cheeks were flushed.

"I thought that by you not being able to remember the accident and by moving us away from AJ's mom, life could be good again. That we would have the life that your father would want us to have. And we did. I focused on you and Jarod."

"Don't you dare put this on her." AJ stated.

"AJ, please take Ciara to her room. She needs to get some rest." Ciara's stepfather directed.
"Daddy, please… I need answers. Don't you want some answers from her about this? What she did wasn't fair to me or to Jarod." Ciara begged her father.

"Ciara, the stress of this is not good for you. Go take a nap. We'll talk more later." Her stepfather stated. Ciara knew he was right, she should go calm down.

"Ciara, AJ, I'm sorry." Ciara's mom said as AJ led Ciara towards the house.

"You're about twelve years too late." Ciara said into the air. AJ heard her and inwardly agreed with her. AJ and Ciara didn't exchange any words. Once inside the house, Ciara led AJ to her room. She reached in her purse for her migraine medicine. AJ opened the bottle for her.

"Go lay down. I'll get you a glass of water." AJ said when they reached her room. The bathroom was across the hall. When he returned to her room, she was closing the blinds and curtains. He cleared his throat so that she knew he was back.

"Thanks, AJ" Ciara said. She walked over to the bed.

"Anytime." AJ handed her the water. He sat down in the oversized beanbag in the corner as she popped the pill and downed the water.

"I'm just going to lay down for a few minutes. I'll be okay if you want to go back out there and hang out with Jarod or something." Ciara let AJ know he didn't have to stay.

"I'd rather stay in here with you. Go on now. Close your eyes." AJ said. He decided to move the beanbag next to the bed.

"Why don't you just come up here and lay with me?" Ciara suggested.

"Our mom's…" AJ was about to say that their mom's wouldn't approve. Ciara could read his mind.

"We're twenty-six years old. Who cares!" she giggled. "Just come up here and be next to me."

"How can I refuse my best friend?" AJ laughed along with her as he joined her on the bed. She moved over so there would be enough room for both of them on the bed.

"Can I ask you something?" AJ asked.

"Always." Ciara yawned.

"How bad are your migraines?"

"Well, they've been so bad that they've put me in the hospital for a few days." Ciara admitted.

"C… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." AJ broke down.

"Don't you dare say that!" What's done is done. Let's concentrate on getting to know each other again and building our friendship again." Ciara stated. AJ kissed her forehead and pulled her into an embrace.
"I can do anything for you." AJ said as Ciara dropped off to sleep.

2001-06-20T21:40:00.000-04:00

Ciara woke not long after AJ went to take a shower. She and AJ were going to go see her mom today, but first, she wanted to talk to her brother.

"Jarod?" Ciara asked into the phone.

"Hey sis! How are things going?" he asked.

"AJ and I are going to go see mom today, I thought you should know." She explained.

"Is that a good idea so soon after you got your memory back?" Jarod asked. He was concerned for both his sister and his mom.

"Yeah, I need to know why mom lied to AJ and his family. Why she never let him back into my life. I could have gotten my memory back a lot sooner." Ciara defended her decision. She was finally angry over being hidden away from AJ for so long.

"You're right, sis. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do more to help you get your memory back." Jarod sighed.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this!. It's mom's doing. Not yours. You did the best you could back then and now." Ciara expressed her belief in her brother.

"Thanks Ciara. I'm going over there this afternoon with the family. How about you show up then?" Jarod suggested.

"Okay, we'll do that. Don't tell her we're coming though, please." Ciara had a feeling that if her mother knew they were on the way, she'd go to a movie or something so that she wouldn't have to face telling them why she lied to AJ and his family.

"I won't. See you later. Drive carefully." Jarod said before Ciara heard a click signaling that he hung up.

After Ciara hung up the phone, she began packing her suitcase. Their stay at the hotel was over as they would have been heading out with the guys for the next two weeks. Rachel and Ciara hadn't really discussed with the guys what was happening next. Ciara wasn't sure if they were going to tag along or if they were going home.

"We're going with them." Rachel announced as she and Brian entered the hotel room.

"Don't be obsurd." Ciara stated and continued. She felt a stab of pain shoot through her head and swayed a little. Rachel noticed, Brian didn't.

"Where are your pills?" Rachel asked.

"Pills? What's going on?" Brian got concerned.

"Residual effects of my accident and memory loss." Ciara explained to him. Ciara pulled the two prescription bottles out of the nightstand. Rachel had gone to the bathroom door and knocked on it.
"AJ, I need a glass…" Ciara interrupted Rachel, "God, Rachel! I'm not going to die, it can wait until he's done in there." Ciara said as AJ came out of the bathroom, showered and dressed. He was holding a glass of water. "Oh my god! You told him!" Ciara glared at Rachel.

"No, I didn't tell him anything." Rachel stated as she brought the glass of water to Ciara.

"Tell me what?" What are those?" AJ said, looking at the two big horse pills in Ciara's hand.

"You haven't told him yet?" Rachel stated. Ciara shook her head. Rachel felt really bad.

"No Rachel, I haven't." Ciara stated.

Meanwhile, AJ took Ciara's prescription bottles in his hands and read them.

"What are these?" AJ asked Ciara again. Ciara placed her hand on the first bottle.

"This one is for the erratic moments of pain and dizziness that happen when sharp jabs shoot into my brain: in other words the onslaught of a migraine." Ciara said as she drank down that pill. She took the other bottle from AJ and popped a pill from it and downed the rest of her water. "That one is a little more painful to talk about." Ciara said and sat down on the bed. "AJ… I had to have a kidney transplant last year. It's an anti-rejection drug and I'll have to take it every day for the rest of my life." She couldn't look at AJ. Both AJ and Brian sat down on the nearest available spot. Ciara didn't want to say any more, but knew she had to so she continued, "One of the many things that was wrong with me when we were in the accident long ago was that I had to have my spleen and one kidney removed. Although I still had the other kidney, it was traumatized by the accident and did sustain some damage. The scar tissue and damage got progressively worse over the years and last year when Rachel and I were on vacation, I had an attack and we discovered that without a kidney transplant, I would die. I was transferred back to near my mom's home and put at the top of the list. Two weeks later, I received the transplant." She explained. She could see the range of emotion flashing in AJ's eyes.

"I'll be right back." AJ said and bolted from the room.
Brain sat in complete silence while Ciara threw her clothes into her suitcase and Rachel thought of something to say.

"I'm sorry, C. I thought you already told him. I didn't know he'd react like that." She finally said.

Brian got up from where he was seated and went over to Ciara. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. But from what Rachel has told me and from what I have seen, you are a very strong-willed and healthy woman." Ciara gave him a hug.

"Thank you. What I need you to do is go find AJ. He could use a friend right now. Someone who's not so involved in what happened ions ago." Ciara explained.

"I'm going to do just that. And don't think about going home because we still owe you two weeks with The Backstreet Boys." Brian said. Rachel walked him out. Brian told her not to blame herself, that AJ needed to know the truth and now he needs to deal with it. Brian kissed her on the cheek and went in search of his friend.

2001-06-17T15:46:00.000-04:00

“Okay… so… where were we?” AJ asked as the waiter left them alone after taking their order. They had talked all the way over about high school and the years right after and what had happened to them in those years.

“We were talking about the stuff I did in college.” Ciara reminded him.

“Yeah, that’s right. We were discussing how you refused to write for the school paper because you didn’t share their views and how the editor tried to blackball you with the local paper and in turn, got blackballed from their paper for being a liar and a cheat.” AJ explained.

“Yup… that’s where we were.” Ciara smiled. It was as if they had known each other all this time. “But, that’s over and done with. So, tell me… about why there’s no one special in your life?” Ciara asked AJ.

“Just haven’t found the right one. I’ve had girlfriends before, but no one as close to me as you were.” AJ admitted.

“AJ, we were fourteen years old, you should never have compared anyone else to me.” Ciara said.

“They just could never capture my heard like you did, C. I tried. I even proposed to one of them, but she knew that she didn’t have all of my heart. She knew.” AJ stated, “What about you?” he asked.

“I was married, but he was killed a few months into the marriage.” Ciara looked away from AJ. It was painful to talk about even though it had been almost two years.

“I’m so sorry.” AJ was taken aback by her pain, “May I ask how he died?”

“He was in the military and died on a training accident when the helicopter he was in crashed into the side of a mountain overseas.” Ciara explained and fished for a tissue in her purse.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” AJ said and handed her his handkerchief.

“I know, I’m just very emotional right now. He’d be jumping for joy right now about me having my memory back.” She managed a smile.

“What kind of man was he?” AJ wanted to know all about the man that had captured her heart.

“He was kind and generous and loving. I met him at Six Flags in New Jersey right after graduation from college. Rachel and I had convinced our parents to let us go from one amusement park to another that summer before we went out and got jobs. What I did was coincide speaking engagements with whatever cities we’d be in so that helped pay for our fun. Anyway, Dylan and some of his friends were back home on leave and as Rachel and I were waiting in line, one of his buddies was trying to soak him with a water gun and got me instead. He felt so bad he went and bought me a new shirt from one of the souvenir stands. But he wasn’t you and I didn’t know that. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, he was my life, but I always sensed that there was something or someone out there that had a part of me. I never shared it with anyone. I didn’t want to seem like a bad wife.” Ciara explained.

“You could never be a bad wife.” AJ took her hand in his as the waiter returned with their dinner. They ate and reminisced and laughed and discussed how AJ got into the Backstreet Boys and compared notes on touring. Before they knew it, it was nearly midnight.

2001-06-15T14:06:00.000-04:00

"That was beautiful you two!" Rachel declared. Ciara opened her eyes, realized what had just happened and blushed.
"I'm sorry, I get so lost in that song." She apologized.
"Never apologize for singing like that." Brian said.
"Like what?" she asked.
"With such passion and emotion." Kevin stated.
"It's the song…" Ciara blushed.
"No… there's more behind it. Anyone can sing a great song, but to put as much heart and passion and emotion behind it takes someone special. That was amazing." Howie was in pure awe.
"Ciara, he's right. You've got a great voice." AJ commented.
"Thanks, guys, but please, can you just stop with the compliments? I'm not enjoying this." Ciara said. She was shaking. Rachel was the only one that knew the true meaning behind why she wanted to hear that song. Rachel had just got caught up in the moment and forgotten about it.
"Well, ya know what I want to hear?" Brian asked.
"What?" Ciara replied.
"How did you know you wanted to become a writer? And Rachel, you a nurse?" Brian asked.
Rachel and Ciara each looked at each other. As they explained how they decided what they wanted to do and why and how they came to their decisions, Brian realized how beautiful Rachel was. He began daydreaming.

"Brian… yo! Brian!" Everyone snapped Brian out of his daydream.
"Huh?" Brian blushed.
"C'mon… we're shopping on 5th avenue!" Rachel said and grabbed his hand to pull him out of the limousine.
Brian chuckled as he was flung into the group.
"What's so funny?"
"I was literally thrown out of my daydream and into reality by a gorgeous woman! If that isn't heaven, than what is?" Brian questioned the guys. Rachel blushed.
"Okay… let's shop." Nick said. Nick, Howie, Kevin, Brian, Rachel, AJ, and Ciara spent the next several hours going in and out of stores on 5th Avenue, shopping and laughing and getting to know each other. While the girls were trying on clothes in one of the shops, AJ ran over to a jewelry store and had a locket inscribed for Ciara. He was going to ask her to dinner, just the two of them.

"Wow… I think we've bought enough to fill up several limousines!" Brian declared when they had all decided they were done. It was nearly six in the evening.
"And then some." Ciara laughed.
"So what about dinner and clubbing tonight?" Kevin suggested. Everyone agreed except for AJ.
"I was hoping that I could have some one on one time with Ciara." He said as his cell phone rang. "Excuse me." He answered his phone.
"AJ, it's your mother. I'm at the hotel. Where are you?"
"Mom, what are you doing in town?"
"I came to see you and Ciara. Now… where are you? I know you two have a lot of questions and well, I think it's time you knew the truth." His mother replied.
"Not tonight mom. Please." AJ stated. "You came up here for nothing mom. I'm in the middle of a date." AJ stated.
"Oh… okay… well, can we meet for breakfast then?"
"Fine momma. We'll meet you for breakfast." AJ sighed. He didn't want interference from either family right now. He wanted to get Ciara feeling totally at ease and comfortable around him.
"AJ, why are you hiding me from your mother?" Ciara asked.
"I'm not hiding you from her. I just don't want her to ruin our fun. Is that alright?" AJ shrugged.
"Okay, okay and as for the one-on-one time… that's all right too." Ciara said in front of everyone.
Brian had gotten up the nerve to ask Rachel to go out to dinner with him, leaving Nick, Kevin, and Howie to fend for themselves.

"There's this little, family-owned Italian place in Little Italy that I'd love to take you to." AJ said as he met her at her hotel room two hours later. He was in a casual, Miami-vice look, dressed in jeans and tight-fitting beige short sleeve shirt and tan sports jacket.
Ciara had just opened the door to see him standing there with his pinstriped beard looking as handsome as ever. She was speechless.
"C… you okay?" he asked. Rachel had come over to see what Ciara was gaping at.
"AJ… you're looking mighty handsome tonight. Ciara's just a little taken aback." Rachel giggled as she patted Ciara on the back.
"What she said." Ciara admitted. AJ produced a single white rose from behind his back.
"My turn to admire you, Ciara." He said as he handed her the rose. Ciara was dressed in a simple berry colored and floral dress with a white lace sweater. Her hair was swept back in a loose braid and she was wearing a cross necklace and simple hoop earrings. "You look absolutely lovely this evening. The car is waiting. Shall we go?" AJ asked.
"Rachel… don't wait up." Ciara declared as she left with AJ.

2001-06-14T22:00:00.000-04:00

"Not long." Brian replied.
"Did you convince her to stay?" Rachel asked as she had walked in front of the guys to face AJ.
"I think so… She's splashing some water on her face. She'll be out in a few minutes.
"Once she comes out, what's the plan?" Howie asked.
"Shopping and the more the better." AJ said. Everyone laughed.

"Okay, Ciara. You can do this. You're a big girl and nothing is going to hurt you." Ciara said to herself as she splashed some water on her face.

"Why don't I go see what's taking her so long?" Rachel suggested after a few minutes. Everyone had gone into the hotel room. Rachel didn't wait for the guys to answer her, but instead, went over to the bathroom door and knocked on it. "Ciara?"
"Hey, Rach… ready for some shopping?" Ciara asked as she opened the door.
"Yeah, are you?" Rachel looked for any signs that Ciara was down.
"Yeah, but please, if I seem a little off, don't worry about me, alright?" Ciara asked.
"Alright. C'mon… we're keeping five gorgeous gentleman waiting." Rachel giggled. Ciara couldn't help but join in.

First stop was FAO Schwartz. They were all fortunate enough that there weren't many people in the store when they arrived so the manager closed the store for an hour for them to roam and have a good time.

"Oh my gosh, AJ remember how we'd watch the Smurfs together on Saturday mornings. How you'd run over to my house at the crack of dawn?" Ciara said as they found the Smurfs section.
"You'd be Smurfette all the time and I would always be one of the other smurfs…" AJ cut in.
"Except for Papa Smurf. And we made our moms search for smurf costumes for Halloween?" Ciara was remembering her childhood and loving it. The tears that were falling were happy tears.
"Remember the time we thought that if we drank the blue kool-aid mix, we'd turn into smurfs?" AJ laughed.
"And how we'd only eat the blue fruity loops!" they were both laughing. One by one, the rest of the Backstreet Boys and Rachel followed the laughter to the Smurf section. AJ and Ciara had found a larger-than-life-sized Papa smurf and were sitting down in front of it, reminiscing about their smurf memories. Rachel snapped a few pictures before Ciara and AJ realized they were being watched.
"Um… Hi?" Ciara said to the gang.
"So this is where you two got to? We were beginning to wonder." Howie told them.
"Yeah… just having some fun. What do you say we go do some more shopping elsewhere?" AJ suggested as he helped Ciara up.
"Sure… I'm up for it." Ciara suggested as her stomach growled. "Um, but I should have something to eat first." She giggled.
"That's right, you didn't really eat anything at breakfast." Rachel noted.
"McDonald's still your favorite fast food?" AJ asked.
"You know it! Killer French fries!" she replied.
"You heard the lady, let's go find a Mickey D's." AJ told the group. They each thanked the store manager as they each bought a few toys from the store and then got into the limousine."

"Okay, can we get you guys to sing something?" Ciara asked as everyone was finishing up their food from McDonald's while sitting in the parked limousine.
"Sure, what do you want to hear?"
"Anywhere For You?" Ciara asked. "I've always loved that song." She explained.
"Oh wow… we haven't sung that in ages. Everyone remember it?" Kevin asked the guys.
"I'll start it off for you." Ciara suggested and began to sing the song for them. They were so impressed at her boldness, the only one to join in was AJ. Ciara had closed her eyes and was imagining that she was sitting at home listening to the CD and singing along with it.

I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to

I'd walk halfway around the world
For just one kiss from you
Far beyond the call of love
The sun, the stars, the moon
As long as your love's there to lead me
I won't lose my way, believe me
Even through the darkest night you know

I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
You love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know it's true
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you

I used to think that dreams were just
For sentimental fools
And 'd never find someone
Who'd give their love so true
But I knew the very minute
Couldn't live my life without you in it
And now I want the whole wide world
To know

I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
You love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know it's true
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you

Hey baby, hey baby, hey baby, oohhh
Hey baby, hey baby, hey baby, oohhh
Hey baby, hey baby, hey baby, oohhh
I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
You love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know it's true
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you

I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
You love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know it's true
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you

2001-06-14T00:28:00.001-04:00

"This next song is dedicated to two new friends, yet one of them is an old friend to one of us. This is their favorite song and we haven't sung it on this tour yet." Howie announced when the guys came back out for the encore. The guys sang "Perfect Fan" for Rachel and Ciara. They went nuts.

"So… what did you think for your first Backstreet Boys concert?" the guys asked Ciara and Rachel when the girls finally got backstage after the show.
"Fabulous!" Ciara replied.
"Can't wait for the next one." Rachel added. They all laughed.
"Now that it's over, I wish it wasn't. What's next on the agenda?" Ciara asked.
"We have to talk to MTV for a few minutes, but then we'll board the bus and head back to the hotel for the evening." Brian explained.
"Sounds good to us, right Ciara?" Rachel asked.
"Sure." Ciara replied.

After the interview with MTV to explain why another winner would be chosen, everyone boarded limousines and headed back to the hotel they would be staying at.

"Okay Ciara… how are you… really?" Rachel asked when they had a few minutes alone in their hotel room.
"Still processing everything. It's such a relief to finally have my memories back. All of them." Ciara said. The girls sat down on the beds to gab.
"So, what's the deal with you and AJ? What went on between you two all those years ago?" Rachel asked.
"We were friends. We really liked each other a lot and hung out constantly with each other. Even at fourteen we still had sleepovers and we did homework together and watched cartoons and movies together. That summer, we were inseparable. My parents both had to work so instead of shipping me off to a summer camp or forcing Jarod to keep an eye on me, AJ's mom would make sure I had a decent lunch and that I stayed out of trouble. On the weekends when my family would do things together, we'd take AJ and his mom along with us. They were part of the family. A huge part of the family. I don't understand why my mom and his mom lied to him about me after the accident." Ciara said, staring off to space for a moment.
There was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Rachel asked.
"AJ and Kevin." AJ said. Rachel answered the door.
"Hi! We were wondering if you two wanted to grab something to eat?" Kevin grinned at Rachel.
"Did I hear food? I'm famished!" Ciara declared from the bed.
"We're in." Rachel was in agreement.
"Great!" the guys said as the girls each grabbed a jacket and left with the guys.

"Rachel, how about a dance with me?" Kevin asked after they all placed their orders. They had gone down to the hotel restaurant. Kevin offered Rachel his hand as he asked her. She accepted. They left AJ and Ciara alone.
"So Ciara… I need to know. What happened to you all those years ago?" AJ asked.
"I was in a coma for six months. They weren't sure I was going to make it. I had to learn how to speak again and things were rough for awhile… physical therapy was a bitch, but that's what got me writing. My mom said I would write for hours after therapy. About a year later, we moved up to Connecticut and mom married this great guy. I had a step-brother and have a step-sister and then a two half-brothers who are going to be ten this summer."
"Wow." Was all AJ could think of to say.
"AJ?" Ciara asked.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry our parents lied to you. They shouldn't have done that." Ciara said.
"What's done is done, we can't relive the past." AJ stated.
"Are you as overwhelmed as I am?" Ciara said.
"I don't think nearly as much as you are. You have fourteen years of memories that came back to you in a split second today. I'm surprised you haven't passed out from overload yet." AJ told her.
"I'm happy that I found my bestest friend again, AJ. I couldn't ask for more than that." Ciara told him. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"What's wrong?" AJ immediately asked.
"I finally remember my daddy. I have these remembrances of playing with him and sharing my homework with him. Of all of us fishing and the last one in the car. Remember what he said to Jarod after the car stopped rolling?"
"Ciara… don't do this right now… your dad wouldn't want you to do this." AJ tried to calm her down. He looked for Kevin and signaled that he and Ciara were going to leave. AJ led her back to her hotel room; sat them both down on the couch and let her cry. She cried herself to sleep, nestled in AJ's arms (WOOHOO ß Sorry… author has temporary melt down of being in AJ's arms!).
When Rachel and Kevin returned to the room, both AJ and Ciara were asleep on the couch.
"No… don't wake them. Just leave a note for them explaining that you're sleeping in AJ's room and I'll cover them with a blanket." Kevin whispered as Rachel was about to go over to them. She nodded in agreement to what Kevin had suggested.

Early the next morning, Ciara was dreaming as she lay next to AJ on the couch.
"Jarod, you take care of your mom and your sister now. Be strong and remember I love you all."
"Daddy no!!!!!!!!!! No… Daddy………. Noooooooooooo!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ciara screamed herself awake.
"Angel eyes… you're alright… you're all right." AJ was awakened by her screaming. It took Ciara a few minutes to catch her bearings and realize where she was.
"I'm sorry I woke you AJ."
"It's alright… what has you so shaken?"
"The last words that I remember my father ever speaking." She cried.
"Ssshhhhhhhhh… everything's alright…" AJ said and pulled her into an embrace.
"He died right there in the car. Right there in front of us, AJ. How can you say everything's alright?" Ciara asked.
"Because we were very fortunate to be with him when he died. Don't get me wrong, Ciara. It was a terrible way for your dad to die, but the last visions he saw were of his family, the last words he got to say were of love. God gave him that one last gift before he died to share it with all of us. I wish I could bring him back and I wish you didn't have to go through this, but I can't. All I can do is hold you and support you and be your friend." AJ told her, wishing that they could become more than friends.
"Why did he have to die, AJ? Why?" Ciara cried.
"To send us on a journey maybe? All I know is that I have you back now and that's all that matters. You and me, the way it should be." AJ commented.
"I'm sorry AJ, I'm sorry I'm so emotional… it's just all these memories are here now and…"
"And they're filling in the pieces and allowing you to grieve for your dad finally. It's alright. All I can do is be here to help you through it." AJ replied as he handed her a tissue.
There was a knock at the door. Rachel and Kevin came in.
"Good morning you two." Rachel said.
"Hey!" Ciara was wiping the tears from her face as she answered.
"You two were sound asleep when we got back last night so I stayed in AJ's room." Rachel explained. Kevin grinned.
"Uh oh… Kevin…" AJ warned.
"Nothing happened. Honest!" Kevin replied.
"He's right, guys. He was the perfect gentleman. Walked me to my door and everything." Rachel laughed.
"He usually is. I should go get cleaned up. C… you okay?" AJ asked as he stood up from the couch.
"Yeah, thanks AJ."
"We'll see you both downstairs in the restaurant for breakfast in say thirty minutes?" Kevin asked.
"Better make it an hour. We girls need to primp." Rachel said. Ciara laughed.
"She's right… we'll be down as soon as we can though." The girls walked Kevin and AJ to the door.

"So, AJ. How is she? Rachel was a little worried about her last night." Kevin stated.
"Emotional, which I think is understandable, but she's managing alright."
"And you?" Kevin was worried about his friend.
"I'm good. I do need to call my mom though. She needs to know that I know that Ciara is alive." AJ said.
"Aren't you angry with your mom for lying to you?" Kevin asked.
"She's my mom. She probably thought that she was doing what was best for me at the time. I'm upset about it, but I'm not going to be angry at my mom about it." AJ admitted.
"Good for you. Well, I'm going to go check on the other guys. See you downstairs?" Kevin asked when they reached AJ's hotel room.
"You bet…" AJ said.

"So… tell me all about Kevin." Ciara asked Rachel as soon as they closed the door behind the guys.
"What's there to tell except that he's a great dancer and a magnificent kisser?" Rachel asked as she passed Ciara on her way to the shower, leaving Ciara to gape in astonishment.

"Jarod? It's Ciara…" Ciara had called her brother's house.
"Sorry… we were outside washing the cars. What's up? Everything okay?" Jarod asked his sister.
"Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for following daddy's wishes and watching over me and momma." Ciara replied.
"I would do anything for you. You're my baby sister." Jarod explained.
"I know, but you also sacrificed a lot those first two years after the accident."
"Sis, I love you and I would do it all again. Now, tell me… everything okay with you? How's AJ?" Jarod asked.
"He's amazing. It's as if all these years were just a day since we saw each other last."
"So everything's okay then. You don't need me to come down there for you?"
"No, I'm fine. Honest. I just wanted to call and thank you." Ciara said. She felt much better now that she had made that call.
"Anything for you. Remember that. See you when you get back." Jarod said and hung up the phone.

"Mom… pick up the phone." AJ said into his cell phone. He had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to get a hold of his mom.
"I'm here son. How are you? You sound upset." She stated.
"I am a little. Mom, how could you lie to me all these years about Ciara?" AJ asked.
"Lie to you? What do you mean?"
"Mom, Ciara's alive and well and on the floor below me in this hotel in New York." AJ told her.
"I'm coming up there. I'll be on the next flight. We should talk about this in person." His mom said before hanging up the phone.

"Ladies, you look great!" Brian said when the girls joined him and the rest of the guys in the restaurant.
"Good morning everyone." Ciara and Rachel replied.
"And what's on the agenda today, Howie?" Nick asked as everyone ordered drinks from the waitress.
"Shopping spree day." Howie smiled.
"What shopping spree?" Ciara and Rachel looked at the guys.
"Oh, you didn't know? As winner of the contest, you get a shopping spree with us." AJ said.
"AJ… we can't accept that." Rachel said, shocking both Ciara and herself.
"Pshaw… don't worry about it. Let's go have fun and spend some money!" AJ replied.
"In case you don't know… AJ loves to shop." Nick commented.
"Some things never change." Ciara laughed.
"He was like this back then?" Howie questioned.
"Yup… he was a maniac when we went shopping. But he always had great fashion sense." Ciara explained.
"Had? Had… I still got it babe." AJ commented.
"Oy vey!" Kevin said and slapped his forehead. Everyone laughed.
"Okay, I've been thinking and I have another question for you guys." Rachel asked.
"Shoot." Brian replied.
"What was it like when you guys spent two weeks away from everyone to write?" Rachel asked.
"It was one of the best experiences of my life, I believe." Howie said, "We learned new things about each other and we bonded even more."
"He's right… the only hard part was being away from family." Nick said.
"And home cooking." Brian commented.
"How many songs did you write during those two weeks?" Ciara asked.
"Well, we completed eight but came away with about a dozen others that were semi-completed." AJ said.
"C'mon Ciara… let's get the car packed. Time to go home." Ciara heard her father's voice as AJ was talking. She gripped the table. The voice was so intense. Rachel AJ looked over at her.
"C?"
"Um, excuse me for a minute?" Ciara stood up and went to the ladies room. The guys all looked at Rachel.
"Excuse me, I'm going to go check on her." Rachel replied and immediately went after her.
"Ciara? Are you alright?" Rachel asked as soon as she got to the bathroom. Ciara wasn't in there. Rachel ran back out to the table.
"What's wrong?" AJ immediately asked.
"She's not in the bathroom." Rachel said.
"Rachel, call up to the room. Nick, go check with the front desk if they've seen her. Brian and Howie go question the doorman." AJ barked out orders.
"Calm down AJ." Kevin said.
"I just found her after nearly twelve years without her. I won't lose her again, excuse me, I'm going up to the room." AJ stated and left everyone standing there.
"Ouch!" Ciara exclaimed as she and AJ collided.
"Excuse… Ciara! Where did you go? Rachel said you weren't in the bathroom." AJ declared as he helped her back up.
"Um, I had to, uh, um." Ciara turned bright red. "It's a woman thing, AJ." She couldn't tell him that she had to get tampons from the little guest shop.
"Ohhhhhhhh, Ohhhhhhhhhhhh… I get it, I understand." AJ was embarrassed for them both.
"What did you guys do? Form a posse or something?" Ciara asked.
"Yeah… Rachel went after you and came back and said you weren't in there. I… I… I'm not about to lose you again, C… not again." AJ admitted.
"McLean… this is too much for me to deal with right now… our lives went in different directions that day." Ciara had made a decision.
"What are you saying Ciara?" AJ didn't like the sound of things.
"I need to talk with Rachel and then, then I'm going to go home." Ciara had taken a deep breath before telling him.
"Please… please don't…" they were interrupted by Kevin and Brian and Rachel.
"You found her!" Rachel exclaimed as she gave Ciara a hug.
"Don't what?" Brian and Kevin asked.
"I need to go home. I need to deal with all of this and the sooner the better." Ciara explained.
"It can wait a few days, can't it? You deserve this fun as much as I do, Ciara. Please." Rachel begged.
"It's not fair to all of you when I zone out every few seconds while talking. It's not fair to any of us. I wasn't the one who lied to AJ and told him I was dead. I've been living the pas twelve years without memory of the first fourteen. I need to process all of this. I need time." Ciara said and headed for the elevators. Rachel went to follow, but Nick stopped her. He and Howie were behind the guys.
"Let me go. I'm the least one she'd expect to follow." Nick told them and went after her.

Nick got into the elevator with her and shielded her from the eyes of the others that were on the elevator. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "It's alright. I just don't want you to be alone." Ciara leaned into him and cried into his chest. When they got off the elevator, Nick led her to her hotel room.
"Ciara, please, AJ needs you right now as much as you need him. Don't go." Nick pleaded with her.
"I'm not the person I was when I was fourteen years old. That's how AJ remembers his `Angel Eyes'. Nick, you don't know anything about me or when AJ and I was fourteen."
"Really?" Nick was angry. "Let me enlighten you on a few things about being fourteen years old and AJ." Nick took away the clothing Ciara was attempting to through into a suitcase and pointed her to a chair.
"I came into this group as a fourteen year old little boy. AJ and the guys took me under their wing and tried to make my teenage years as normal as possible. However, one night when I was really feeling down and moody about not being a normal teenager, AJ took me aside and talked to me about his early teen years. He is one of the men in my life that I look up to with nothing but respect and awe. He, like you, went through hell back then. He believed he lost his best friend in the whole world when he was told you were dead. That's not easy for anyone to endure, especially an impressionable teen. You can't just come back into his life and back out because you can't deal with it. You have to deal, for AJ as well as for yourself. Don't shut him and us out. Don't do it." Nick stated. AJ barged through the door.
"Carter, lay off!" AJ said as he placed himself between Nick and Ciara.
"Wait, AJ… he's right." Ciara exclaimed. Shocking both AJ and Nick.
"Ciara, let's work this out together, please!" AJ begged.
"I need to go home to my mom first. I need to get some answers from her." She explained.
"Then let me go with you. Surely she'll give us both the answers we seek." AJ continued to convince Ciara to let him go with her. Nick had left them in the hotel room alone.
"I don't know, McLean…" Ciara began to pace. AJ gave her some space by backing off and standing next to a window. When he could take no more, he went over to her and kissed her, taking her breadth away.
"I've been wanting to do that to you since I saw you yesterday." AJ said as Ciara backed away from him. She had wanted him to kiss her. It was amazing, like no other kiss she had ever had before. "What? What are you thinking? Are you alright?" AJ asked. He was concerned by her non-reaction. She was thinking what to do next. Should she return with a kiss? She decided to go for it. She pushed him up against the wall and kissed him passionately. Hands begun to roam as they both got lost in the moment. They were both attracted to each other. They were at fourteen and they still were, now at twenty-six. After a few minutes, AJ stopped them.
"If we continue this, it could lead to something that I'm not sure either one of us wants to take lightly." AJ said.
"I'm not taking this lightly, AJ. I want you. Since the moment you came back into my life yesterday." Ciara replied. AJ managed to get away from the wall and her for a moment. He couldn't believe he had stopped their making out session. "Wait… you're right… you're right AJ… You just do something to me I can't explain." Ciara told him.
"Same goes for you with me. Listen, let's sit and talk. You've got all these emotions to deal with. I have a suggestion for you and I want you to consider it." AJ said and sat down on the chair across from the bed. Ciara sat down on the bed. Ready to listen.
"I propose that you enjoy this weekend with Rachel, me, and the guys and then afterwards, we both go see your mom. I'd like to see her again and she'd probably like to see me as well." AJ said. "You deserve some fun Ciara so let's have some, starting with shopping today. Let me show you how much more fashionable I've become." AJ smiled. Ciara melted but knew that she should confess the real reason why she felt she had to leave.
"AJ, I'm afraid." She looked away from him and tried not to cry.
"Afraid of what? Nothing can hurt you. I won't let it." AJ told her.
"I can't control these flashes of memory. The ones that cause me to zone out for a few minutes. I don't want anyone to think I'm strange." She admitted.
"Rachel and I will be with you and we don't think you're strange. There's nothing to fear." AJ said. He sat down on the floor in front of where she was sitting on the bed and took her hands in his. "Remember that day I asked you to go steady?" AJ said. Ciara nodded.

"What are they doing in there?" Rachel asked as she paced outside the hotel room door. The guys were lounging around the hall with her while they waited for Ciara or AJ to open the door and come out.
"I can't take much more of this. They both need us." Brian said.
"Right now, they need each other." Kevin stopped Brian from going for the door handle.

"You promised me that you would do whatever you could to protect me the best that you could and that we'd always be friends. I remember." Ciara smiled.
"And I still make that promise." AJ said, "So, let's go shopping." AJ made a silly face to get her to laugh. It worked.
"Okay, give me a few minutes to compose myself and I'll be ready to go." Ciara said as she froze for a moment as she remembered a flash from her thirteenth birthday party.
"…C?" AJ asked several times.
"See what I mean, AJ? The memories are so intense right now, I'm afraid to be around anyone." She told him.
"Don't worry about it. You'll be all right. Go ahead and clean up." AJ said. He knew that if they dwelled on these spells, it would just depress her more and he didn't like to see her depressed.

"Howie… what time do we have that meeting?" Kevin asked.
"Carson canceled it. Tara's got a flu bug so he wanted to stay home to take care of her." Howie explained. They were going to meet up with Carson later in the day to shoot some hoops while Brian and Nick hung up with AJ and the girls.

"How long have you guys been out here?" AJ said as he opened the door. He had heard noises from the other side so he decided to investigate.

2001-06-14T00:28:00.000-04:00

"Rachel, I've got this funny feeling… I can't do this. Please… can't you get someone else? Take my brother with you." Ciara begged her best friend.
"What's wrong? Are you sick?" Rachel was concerned.
"I can't explain it… it's like a panic attack only different. I'm scared." Ciara admitted. There was a knock on the door.
"Excuse me, ladies… I need to ask you something." The producer that was talking with the Backstreet Boys earlier had interrupted them.
"Sure." The girls replied.
"Is something wrong?" Rachel asked.
"We don't know yet. Ciara, have you ever met any of the guys before?"
"Guys?" Ciara looked at Rachel, "What have you roped me into Rach?" Ciara asked.
"Ciara… it's me, AJ." AJ entered the room. Ciara looked at AJ and passed out cold.

"Oh my god! Someone get some water and a first aid kit!" Rachel went into nurse mode. Totally oblivious to AJ being there.
He knelt down on the other side of Ciara and began singing "Time After Time" (Cyndi Lauper) to her.
"Rachel?" Ciara said when she came to moments later.
"Right here. What the hell just happened?" Rachel asked as Ciara opened her eyes.
"Angel Eyes?" AJ asked.
"McLean…" Ciara cried as soon as she heard those two familiar words and the way AJ said them. She remembered… she finally remembered. She began to cry. AJ pulled her to him.
"Sssshhhhhhh, it's alright baby… everything's all right." AJ tried to calm her down.
"If you only knew…" she sobbed.
"I'll go tell Carson to announce the delay of the winner announcement for a few minutes." The producer said and ran out of the room.
Rachel and AJ helped Ciara back onto the couch.
"Are you all right? How's your head?" Rachel asked.
"I think I'm okay." Ciara replied, "I remember everything now… everything." Ciara told her.
"Ciara? It's really you?" AJ asked. Now it was his turn to cry.
"You asked me to be your girlfriend that day. The only thing that's changed is that we're older." Ciara told him. "That and I have my memory back. Momma's gonna be so thrilled."
"I have so many questions." AJ said.
"I know… me too…" Ciara asked.
"So, C… are you still mad about me dragging you down here?" Rachel jumped in.
"Oh, I'm sorry… AJ… this is my best friend Rachel… Rach… AJ McLean." Ciara said.
"Rachel, I hope you're not offended that we called off the announcement about the winner of the contest." AJ expressed his regret.
"Are you kidding… this is much better! If you only knew everything that has happened to Ciara since that accident. You'd be amazed." Rachel said.
"You don't know what a relief it is to see you alive again." AJ said. Ciara pulled him into a hug.
"You don't know what a relief it is to finally remember my life back then. But, could we not do this here??? I'm really not comfortable here." Ciara explained.
"What's going on back here?" Carson came into the back room to ask, the rest of the guys were behind him.
"MTV has inadvertently found an old, lost friend of mine Carson. Because of extenuating circumstances, I'm asking that we choose another winner. Ciara and Rachel are still going to have their weekend with us, but this way, the fans won't feel cheated." AJ said.
"Wait… AJ…" Brian started to say.
"He's right… it's only fair…" Howie said. Kevin and Nick agreed.
"Okay then… I'd better get back out on the set." Carson stated.
"We'll still come out and sing though Carson." AJ said before turning back to Ciara. "Don't go anywhere… we have a lot to discuss." AJ told Ciara. "And I'll introduce you to the guys later." He smiled. Ciara remembered his smile.

"So you remember everything?" Rachel said after everyone had cleared the room to give her and Ciara some privacy. Ciara took a deep breath.
"Yeah… everything." Ciara admitted and put her head in her hands and cried. The accident was so vivid and clear to her as if it had just happened. "I need to get out of here, Rachel… please… get me out of here." Ciara begged Rachel. She was crying.
"Calm down, Ciara… take some deep breaths… remember… I'm here… nothing can hurt you." Rachel explained.
Once Ciara calmed down, Rachel had her lay down on the couch and rest for a little bit. When the guys were done, they came back to the room the girls were in. Rachel met them at the door.
"I need to get her out of here… this is too much." Rachel said when AJ opened the door.
"Is she all right?" AJ asked. Rachel pushed them back out the door.
"I can't say that. All I know is that for as long as I've known her, she has never remembered the first fourteen years of her life. Now, eleven years later, the memories are back and they're overwhelming." Rachel explained.
"Where will you go?" AJ asked.
"Well, my car is currently on it's way to her folks house, so right now, I'm not sure." Rachel admitted.
"We can take you both back to the hotel?" Brian suggested.
"Rachel?" Ciara called out.
"Yeah C."
"It's all right, they can come in. As long as they don't mind a flustered female." Ciara said as she sat up.
"Actually, I kinda love it." AJ said, getting Ciara to smile for him.
"C, the guys offered to take us back to their hotel." Rachel explained after the guys introduced themselves.
"Well, since we're here and all…" Ciara replied, "I mean, I know who you guys are and all and I'm a big fan of your music, I've just had…"
"A traumatic experience in your life that led you away from me but now we found each other again." AJ butted in.
"Why don't we all pile into the limousine and figure out what to do from there?" Kevin suggested. Everyone agreed.
"Hey guys… thanks for coming out and doing that about the contest thing… we were wondering if you'd do a segment on why another winner will be chosen." Carson asked the gang as they were walking out.
"Can you give us a few days Carson? Please?" AJ asked.
"Sure… anything for you guys." Carson replied and let the gang pass by him.

"Okay, everyone wants to know what's going on here? How do you two know each other?" Nick asked AJ and Ciara once everyone was in the limousine.
"I know you want answers… I know all of you want answers…" Ciara began, "But please, don't ask for them right now… If you only knew what I'm going through, you'd understand." She was looking at AJ the entire time.
"Let me tell you what I know, okay?" AJ suggested. Ciara nodded. "Ciara and I grew up together. We had just finished the eighth grade and were on our way home from a weekend of camping with her parents and older brother when we were hit by a dump truck. When I came to in the hospital, I was told that Ciara had died and so had her father." AJ was crying.
"For the past 11 years I had not remembered the first fourteen years of my life. I was hurt pretty bad. In a coma for six months. The doctors all told me that my memory may never come back, but they also said that someone or something could trigger it back."
"So you're okay now? You remember?" AJ asked.
"Yeah, thanks to you AJ. But my mom and step-dad and brothers don't know that I have my memory back." She told him.
"I think you should call them then." AJ handed her his cell phone.
"When I have a few minutes alone, I will. So… you became a member of a famous group, eh?" Ciara tried not to break down in tears. She was so relieved that she had her memory back.
"Yeah… it's been amazing. What do you do?" AJ asked.
"So guys, what's the plan for tonight?" Ciara changed the subject. She was feeling closed in. She didn't like to talk about herself, nor was she ready to.
"Well, we thought we'd take the two of you to our show at Madison Square Garden and then you'd come with us for the weekend. We'd hang out, you'd get to ask us questions, see us at our best and worst and we'd all have a great time." Kevin explained.
"Sounds like a good time to me, right Rachel?" Ciara asked looking at her friend. Rachel was observing Ciara from across the limousine.
"Yeah… you okay?" Rachel asked.
"I'm getting there, Rach… I'm getting there." Ciara admitted.

When they arrived at Madison Square Garden, they were all rushed into one of the backstage offices. The guys would be doing sound check and then a meet and greet with fans but had a few minutes before all of that was scheduled to begin.
"Ciara, you should call your mom. Tell her what's happened." Rachel suggested.
"Yes, I should." Ciara agreed.
"Well, we have to go do sound check. Just come out when you're done, okay?" Brian suggested as he, Nick, Howie, and Kevin walked by the girls. Ciara nodded.
"I'm going to go with them now, okay?" Rachel asked as Brian came back and took her hand to lead her away. Rachel and Ciara giggled.
"AJ, you ok?" Ciara asked AJ.
"No, I have a lot of questions that need answers and I'm really angry at our families for telling me you died. But my answers can wait. I don't want you to make this call alone." AJ said, "Ciara, do you remember that last day by the river when we were suppose to be collecting branches?" AJ asked.
"Now I do, as if it were yesterday." Ciara replied.
"I made a promise to you then that I didn't get to carry through and no matter where our lives lead us, I'm going to keep that promise starting now. I'm your friend and I still care about you." AJ put his hand on her arm.
"Thanks AJ. Let's get this phone call over with." Ciara said. AJ handed her his cell phone. She dialed her mom's.
"Hello?" Ciara's step-father answered the phone.
"Hi daddy, is mom around?" Ciara asked.
"Just a second…" her step-father replied. Ciara heard the phone change hands.
"Ciara… honey? Everything alright?" her mom asked.
"Momma… I've remembered everything." Ciara began crying.
"When? How? Really?" Ciara's mom began to cry on the other end of the phone. AJ took the phone from Ciara.
"Mrs. B?" AJ asked into the phone.
"Oh my… no one's called me that in years… AJ?"
"Yes, it's me."
"I should have known you'd be the one to help her. I should have known." Ciara's mom replied.
"I'll take care of her Mrs. B… don't you worry." AJ said and gave the phone back to Ciara. She had managed to calm herself down.
"Momma…"
"Was that really our AJ?"
"Yes momma… it was. Will you tell Jarod and daddy for me?" Ciara asked.
"I will. We'll see you when you get back, right?"
"Yes momma… I promise." Ciara said. AJ handed her a box of tissues he had found in the room.
"Call me if you want to talk later." Ciara's mom said and then hung up the phone.
"She didn't want to talk more?" AJ asked.
"No… and that's odd. She usually keeps me on the phone for an hour at a time." Ciara admitted as she handed him back the phone.
"C'mon, we're late for sound check." AJ said and offered her his hand. He made a mental note to discuss this later with her.
One of the Grips outfitted AJ with his microphones and such while another led Ciara down in front of the stage. There were some fans there that had won the change to be at sound check and such but were kept away from Rachel and Ciara by security.

"Time… look where we are and what we've been through… time… sharing our…" AJ sang. He broke down in tears. "Guys, I can't sing this song… excuse me…" AJ said and for the first time in eight years, bolted from the stage. Ciara looked from where he bolted to the guys to Rachel back to the guys. Brian went to go after him.
"No… let me go." Ciara blurted out. Brian nodded and a security guy went backstage with her. Some of the hands had shown her where AJ went. She found him in the guys' dressing room crouched in a corner crying.
Ciara went to him and held him and let him cry. They were both holding everything they were feeling inside and they weren't sure how to talk to each other as adults.
"We haven't done this since we were kids, only then, you would be the one holding me." Ciara spoke softly to AJ. He started to chuckle.
"Those were the days, young teenagers without a care in the world. Having fun." AJ said.
"Speaking of fun… when I saw you out on that stage, you were having a lot of fun until you began singing Time. Go out there and finish sound check. What's done is done, we can't go back and change it. You and me, we'll talk tonight after the show. All night if need be. But you've got thousands of fans coming to see you and probably a few hundred waiting for you at the meet and greet. We just found each other again, I just found me again. Finally, after all these years of not being sure who I was exactly, I found me again. And I have you to thank for it. Go back out there and do what makes you happy… sing." Ciara gave AJ a pep talk.
"I always loved that about you when we were growing up. You were so inspirational." AJ looked at her in amazement.
"We can't get into this now, AJ… you've got a show to do and thousands of screaming girls waiting for you. And I need to go talk to Rachel. I'm sure she's loving all the attention from the other guys, but I have some explaining to do." Ciara told him.
"Yeah, you're right… as usual. Man, I feel like I'm a kid again."
"AJ?" Brian knocked on the door. A half hour had passed and they really needed him back on stage to finish sound check.
"Coming." AJ replied, "Thanks for coming after me… that song has taken on a new meaning. Don't be surprised if I cry through it tonight, ok?" AJ asked.
"Don't be surprised if I cry the entire night. The Backstreet Boys are one of my favorite groups!" Ciara replied and gave him a smile.
"I'm glad you're here Ciara… I've missed you." AJ said and gave her a hug.
"Me too, AJ… me too."
"AJ!" Brian knocked on the door.
"Let's get you back out there before the calvary knocks the door down." Ciara giggled.

"Sorry Brian… I needed a few minutes." AJ said when he opened the door.
"Kinda figured that… you okay? Can we finish sound check and the meet and greet?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, I can do this." AJ said, turning to look at Ciara. "I can do just about anything now." AJ smiled at Ciara.

"Everything alright?" Rachel asked when Ciara joined her out in front of the stage and Brian and AJ re-joined the guys and the band on stage to finish sound check.
"It's getting there, Rachel… it's finally getting there." Ciara admitted.
"So are you glad I dragged you away for the weekend?" Rachel smiled.
"I'm thrilled. What about you, are you having a good time?"
"The guys couldn't be nicer. I'm having a great time. I'm really liking Brian. He's so down to earth." Rachel replied.
"Okay, guys… we want to test the trap doors now. Let's do The Call," the stage manager said over the loudspeakers.

"What about you? You're mind must be on overload. You look flushed." Rachel commented.
"I could use some quiet time…" Ciara admitted.
"I'm sure that can be arranged. Don't worry… but hey, this weekend is turning out to be much better then we could ever have imagined!"
"Yes, thanks to you winning the contest. What contest did you win anyway?" Ciara asked.
It was just a supply your name, email address and age into a contest thingy for a weekend with The Backstreet Boys… so I did and I won and I dragged you with me." Both girls laughed.

"Hey… aren't you C.B. Taylor?" one of the girls that were there from sound check yelled over to Ciara and Rachel as they were talking. The guys were up on stage making sure that the trap doors were set correctly before doing the last verse and chorus of the song to test them out. AJ looked to Ciara. She winked at him before going over to the fans.
"Hey ladies… how are you today?" Ciara responded to them.
"Oh my god, I can't believe it's you. You're as beautiful as the picture on the back of your books." One of the girls replied.
"So you like my books?" Ciara asked. The girls were all giggly.
"I thought you'd be older." One of the girls shouted.
"Thank you for that remark." Ciara replied.
"Can I get your autograph?" the first girl who called Ciara out asked.
"Sure… I guess that would be alright." Ciara replied, "Can I sign your memory bag?" she noticed that some of the girls had decorated some tote bags.
"I would love that!" the first girl squealed."

"Hey AJ, looks like Ciara is a celebrity in her own right." Nick said.
"What, you guys didn't know?" one of the female dancers said. All five guys turned to look at her. "C. B. Taylor writes novels. She's famous with the teenagers and twenty something set."
"You're kidding." Brian said.
"And she also goes to high schools and talks about the effects of alcohol on teenagers. Her step-brother died because he drank too much at a frat party." AJ was getting angry.
"Don't you have something else to do rather than gossip about others?" AJ said to the dancer. She whimpered away.
"AJ, take it easy. You've only just found out she was still alive a few hours ago. There's a lot you both still don't know about the other." Kevin offered.
"I know… and I respect Ciara's privacy… I just wish others would do the same."
"Well, it's over and done with."

"So you like The Backstreet Boys?" another girl asked.
"Yeah, they're pretty cool. This is my first concert though." Ciara admitted as she signed autographs.
"Oh my god, here comes AJ McLean!" one of the girls gasped.
"Hi everyone… we're about to head over to do the meet and greet." AJ said as the girls screamed. Ciara and Rachel laughed.
"Bye ladies… have fun tonight!" Ciara and Rachel waved to the girls as AJ and security led them backstage.

"That was strange, but fun." Ciara admitted when they had joined the guys.
"Okay, I'm curious." Nick blurted out. "We know that Rachel is a nurse, but Ciara… what do you do?"
"I'm a bum, Nick. Those girls were just my fan club." Ciara couldn't help but laugh.
"It's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor." AJ admitted to her. "One of the dancers told us that you're a writer and that you also go around and talk about alcohol to teens."
"Yeah… I like doing that." Ciara admitted.
"You're so humble, C… tell them everything and why you do it." Rachel pushed.
"I had an older step-brother that died at a Frat party when I was sixteen years old from alcohol poisoning. He was only nineteen years old. He was rushing the frat and succumbed to peer pressure. I wrote a long letter about my feelings and such instead of talking to a counselor. Rachel here found it and erased the names and gave it to the local newspaper and they published it. That letter got me a full scholarship to Temple University in Philadelphia. But because of the interest in that letter, I was energized to get the facts out to teenagers and college students. I've toured the Eastern coast of the U.S. an have given conferences to other schools all over the country since I was seventeen. In college, I began writing a series of "a day in the life" stories and again, Rachel and my mom and step-dad and one of my professors stepped in and those got published and then I just started writing novels about whatever was on my mind and they sold and whalaaa… here I am today… memory back and all and things are a little strange." She explained.
"Wow…" the guys were all mesmerized.
"Time for the meet and greet guys!" their manager yelled from a door.
"Wanna come?" Howie asked the girls. Ciara shook her head.
"I need to make some calls, but Rachel you go ahead." Ciara encouraged her girlfriend. AJ waved over a security guard and an assistant.
"Nancy, can you find an office for Ciara to finish some phone calls, and Charlie… don't let Ciara out of your sight." AJ gave instructions before turning to Ciara. "I'll find you after the meet and greet is over." AJ gave her a kiss on the cheek, shocking everyone around them.
"You sure?" Rachel asked Ciara. Ciara nodded.
"Yeah, I need to call Jarod and the twins. Especially Jarod. He's been wanting this as much as I have. Momma was too upset earlier. I don't think she's called him yet."
"Okay, page me if you need me though… I'll put it on vibrate." Rachel said. The girls hugged.

Ciara called her brother once she was settled in an office.
"Hello?"
"Jarod… where are you?" Ciara asked.
"C… everything okay?" her brother asked.
"Everything's fine, double J." she replied instinctively.
"You haven't called me that since we were little."
"I know, Jarod… I remember." Ciara told him.
"You remember … everything?" Jarod said, choking back tears.
"Don't start `cause then I'll start and we'll both be a mess."
"How… when???" Jarod began to question.
"Let's just say that seeing an old friend helped me."
"You saw AJ?" Jarod said.
"You know?"
"I know that he's in that group, The Backstreet Boys. I've been hoping you two would find a way back to each other for several years now."
"J... I know that momma never kept you in the loop about what the doctors had given my prognosis for my memory so don't worry, I'm not mad at you. But, does momma know about AJ?"
"What do you mean?"
"His family and our family told him that I died in that accident, Jarod."
"Do you want me to turn around and come back? Aren't they performing at Madison Square Garden tonight?"
"No J… Susie is expecting you home. I'm okay, I just wanted you to know that. Momma's not very good at communicating things between you and I. Rach is with me and AJ and I have a lot to catch up on."
"Okay, well, if you're sure." Jarod said, being the protective big brother. Ciara giggled.
"I'm sure and I know where to reach you and how to reach you if I need you. I love you, ya know." Ciara said.
"I love you too and I'm very happy that you have your memory back. Very happy."
"Give my love to Susie and the kids."
"You bet. Call me if you need me. Bye." Jarod said and hung up the phone. Ciara hung up with him and made a few more calls. She was still on the phone when AJ and Rachel found her.
"Chris… I have to go now… yeah… indefinitely… uh huh… thanks… I will… bye." Ciara finished her conversation and hung up the phone.
"How was the meet and greet?"
"Words out about you and who you are… we overheard several fans talking about you." Rachel explained.
"And they would point over to Rachel and wave at her and smile. It was funny and cute." AJ replied.
"Soooooooooooooo… now what?"
"Chow and then the guys and I usually warm up and hang out with the opening acts before we get into wardrobe and do the show. You hungry?" AJ asked. Ciara's stomach growled.
"I guess that answers your question." She laughed. AJ and Rachel joined in on the laughter.
"C'mon… let's go find the chow line." AJ suggested.
"Wait… AJ… could you sing me the song again?" Ciara asked. AJ looked at her sideways. She wanted him to sing Time After Time to her.
"Um… uh…" AJ turned red. He was blushing. He had always sung that song when he was thinking about her and now that she was right in front of him, he didn't know if he could.
"Just a little bit… please?"

AJ's voice cracked just a little as he began to sing… he closed his eyes and sang his heart out to that song for her.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion--
Is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after--

Sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows--you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time--

Chorus:
If you're lost...

You said go slow--
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds--

Chorus:
If you're lost...
...Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
© 1983 Rellla Music Co. (BMI) and Dub Notes (ASCAP)
All Rights Reserved

Written by Cyndi Lauper, Rob Hyman
Produced by Rick Chertoff
Executive Producer: Lennie Petze
Associate Producer: William Wittman
Engineered by William Wittman
Arranged by Cyndi Lauper, Rick Chertoff, Rob Hyman, Eric Bazilian

"Even better than I remember, AJ… even better." Ciara said when AJ was finished. Rachel applauded.
"Every time I heard that song or would sing that song, I'd think of you." AJ told her.
"Chow time guys! Let's go!" Nick interrupted the trio.
"Gee Nick… hungry?" Rachel teased. Nick looked her up and down.
"Yes I am, but there's no time for that now, but we could make time for that…"
"Carter…" AJ warned.
"Oh… you mean consumable food…" Nick laughed, "Sorry… where are my manners."
"You actually have some?" Rachel replied.
"You tell him, Rachel!" AJ chuckled. "Lead on, Nick…" AJ said. He and the girls followed Nick to the chow room.

"Brian? Can I ask you something?" Ciara asked as she, Rachel, and the guys were finishing up their dinner.
"Sure." Brian replied.
"Do you believe that a child of the lord can go to the wayside for years at a time when they think that he and his father have caused that child pain?" Ciara asked.
"I believe that whatever happens, happens to make us stronger people. God doesn't do something to hurt us or make us sad. He does it to make us stronger."
"Like with your heart?" Rachel chimed in.
"Yes… exactly. I'm a better person for it. I like to think that I'm a more compassionate person, more caring and loving and understanding." Brian explained. "Ciara, what I do know is that God loves all of us, no matter what and he knows the trials and tribulations we all go through, individually and collectively. Now, I don't know you all that well, but what I do know is that you are a very strong woman with a strong spirit and soul. Don't go second guessing yourself or your decisions in your life." Brian said.
"You'll have to forgive Brian… once someone gets him started on religion, it's hard for him to back off." Kevin said.
"It's alright. Sometimes you need to hear and objective point of view of things to help see things clearly." Ciara replied.
"You're good people, Ciara and Rachel. Good people. It's nice to meet fans like you." Howie told them.
"Yeah… you're grounded, friendly, personable, thinkers, and great senses of humor and you don't back down from us." Nick chimed in.
"And don't intimidate us." Kevin said.
"You get intimidated by fans?" Rachel asked Kevin.
"Sometimes. When there are so many fans and the screaming is so loud where you can't even think to yourself, it gets scary." Brian explained.
"It humbles us." AJ stated.
"So… do either of you have a favorite song of ours?" Kevin asked.
"Perfect Fan." Both girls said unanimously.
"Really?" all five guys asked.
"It's beautiful." Ciara said. Rachel nodded.
"Actually it's a tie between that one and What Makes You Different, Makes You Beautiful." Rachel added.
"Ah, import shoppers." AJ smiled.
"Yup and Wal*Mart." The girls answered. Everyone laughed.
"This is your first Backstreet concert, right?" Howie asked them.
"Yup… schedules and work load didn't really allow us any other time. When I found out I won, I gave the ticket I had bought to a friend and her daughter." Rachel explained.
"Cool. What do you guys thing about today so far?" Nick asked.
"Eventful and memorable." Ciara answered without hesitation and then laughed when she realized what she had said. "Memorable." She chuckled. AJ touched her shoulder. She lifted her eyes and tilted her head a little to look at him. "I'm alright. You alright?" she asked.
"Better than ever." AJ replied.

Rachel, Ciara, and the guys talked for a little while longer while the opening acts were on stage. The stage manager finally pulled the guys away from the girls and the guys went off to get ready for the show. Security showed Ciara and Rachel to their seats in the front row of the concert.
Rachel and Ciara cried the entire show. AJ cried during the performance of Time. He had placed himself in front of Ciara for the entire song and sang only to her. The teenage girls around Ciara and Rachel went nuts when AJ reached down to touch Ciara's cheek during "sharing our dreams… every little bit of life with you" towards the end of the song.

2001-06-14T00:21:00.000-04:00

"Hey Rachel?" Ciara asked her best friend. They were in Rachel's car heading somewhere. Ciara didn't know where. All Rachel had said when she had called two hours earlier was "pack a bag for warm weather, make sure you bring your sexy black dress, we're going away for a few days".

"Yeah, C?" Rachel was driving and was trying not to show her excitement about where they were going. She had to keep it a secret for just a little while longer. Rachel had won a contest on MTV. The prize was to spend a weekend with the Backstreet Boys at an undisclosed location. Rachel was so psyched. She and Ciara loved their music and Ciara and AJ were friends back in school, but hadn't seen each other in years. Rachel was so excited. She needed to get Ciara away from New York for a few days. She needed to get away. They were both so involved in work that they hardly had any fun anymore let alone date anyone. Ciara would get so wrapped up in writing that there would be days where she wouldn't talk to anyone because she'd forget about everyone and everything. If it weren't for Rachel, she'd probably forget to eat anything too. Rachel, on the other hand, loved working as a nurse. She felt good helping others.

"You never did tell me where we're going? And why are we in Times Square?" Ciara asked Rachel.
Rachel had called Ciara's brother to meet them at the MTV Studios so that he could drive her car back to their parents' house for the week.

"You'll see… where's my cell phone?" Rachel asked as she reached for her purse. Ciara pulled it out of the glove compartment.

"Where I put it when I got in the car." Ciara pulled out the phone and handed it to Rachel.

Ciara had to admit, she was a little excited, yet nervous. Rachel was always doing things on the spare of the moment and dragged Ciara with her. Ciara was nearly finished with her newest novel and although she was way ahead of scheduled, she wanted to finish it. When she got involved in her writing, she fell in love with the characters and hated to be away from them if she wasn't finished with their story. But, she had been neglecting her friend and herself for that matter. She knew it and she knew that Rachel was just doing what was best for them both. They both hadn't been the same since the accident. Rachel was the one who seemed to be moving on and getting on with life.
*******************************************************************

"Ciara Bryar… why is that name so familiar?" AJ asked as he and the guys were being briefed on their upcoming weekend.

"An old conquest maybe?" Nick snickered from across the room.

"Nah, man… this is different. I use to know a Ciara, this can't be the same girl I knew way back when, could it?" AJ wondered. He used to have a crush on a girl named Ciara when he was growing up.

"Don't sweat it, AJ. It's probably some teeny bopper." Kevin teased. The guys were all sitting in a dressing room waiting to go out on the TRL stage.
***************************************************************************************************

"Remember how we both have stated on occasion that it would be nice to get away somewhere for a great weekend?" Rachel asked Ciara after she drove up to the valet. There was a TV crew waiting for them as soon as the car stopped.

"Okay, what did you do?" Ciara asked.

"We're in for the time of our lives. That's all I'm gonna say. You're gonna be shocked when you find out everything." Rachel replied. Ciara trusted her friend so she went along with this little joyride of hers.
*******************************************************************************************************

"Guys, they're here. Now… even though Rachel won the contest, her friend doesn't know what's going on at all so we're going to keep earphones on them until we're ready to bring them on stage." A producer was explaining, shortly before TRL was to go on the air.

"Ambush a fan, eh?" Howie asked the producer.

"Sorta. These two are 26 years old."

"Uh oh… Nick's age!" AJ teased and then realized that that was how old Ciara would be about now.

"AJ? Are you ok?" Kevin asked. AJ's smile turned into a serious look.

"Is there any way we could see the girls without them seeing us? Do you have a camera in there with them?" AJ questioned.

"Sure. Follow me," the producer led them to the control room.

"That can't be her." AJ said out loud as soon as he saw Ciara's green eyes and her smile.

"What? You know them?" the producer asked.

"I may know the young woman in the blue jeans and the white button down shirt. But it's impossible. I was told she was dead." AJ left the room. Kevin went after him.

"AJ, what's wrong?" Kevin asked when he found him up on the roof.

"Remember that accident I was involved in before we all hooked up?" AJ asked. Kevin nodded.

"Yeah… you had gone to a water park with some friends and their parents. Their daughter was killed. They moved away."

"That daughter is downstairs. She's right downstairs. I can't go through with this. She was my best friend, Kevin. My best friend before all of you. I had asked her to be my girl that day." AJ admitted.

"That's why you listen to `Last Kiss' a lot, right?" Kevin asked. AJ nodded, tears falling freely from his face.

"We could ask MTV to postpone this?"

"No, we promised we'd do this, we signed to do this. Maybe it's not her?" AJ stated.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Kevin asked him. AJ nodded.
****************************************************************************************************

2001-06-14T00:17:00.000-04:00

This first post it to introduce you to this blog.

This blog is for my craving of AJ McLean. It is a Fan Fiction blog and right now, I'm the only writer of this particular blog. If you have any comments, ideas, suggestions, remarks, feedback, please send them to me at stories@iwuvjoey.com with TIME in the subject line.

Thank you.

Tammtamm